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Post by wewbwb on Aug 17, 2016 7:41:27 GMT -5
Of all the things that might make one person incompatible with another, height wouldn't even go close to making the top 50. - I reckon the #1 reason for incompatibility is (drum roll) - - - - "Spouse is a jerk". - And under that "Spouse is a jerk" heading, there would be innumerable sub headings, like - - gambler - alcoholic - drug addict - violent - financially irresponsible - hypochondriac - mummys boy - daddys girl - immaturity - mental - control freak - abusive to nominate just a half dozen. Please define "immaturity" and "mental" Um, I'm asking for a friend. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 17, 2016 7:49:09 GMT -5
A friend of mine that is a trainer said something a couple of years back (not to me but in general) - "You can either be fat or you can smoke - you cannot do both." It makes me laugh. I am working on fat first - BMI still too high (smaller bones) so once that is taken care of, I have a script of Chantix. The smoking is currently out of control with the stress of the divorce and the weight loss but, I can do this! You not tried an ecig? They are fabulous to save money and not smell... But they don't half keep you heavily addicted to nicotine. Well me anyway. And I sneak the odd cigarette here and there too... Nothing like when I was smoking full time but still. I think cold turkey is the only way  nightmare! I cut back to half a cigarette at a time before I went full cold turkey, and got lots of gum. Also, that hot yoga I told you about is amazing for helping quit; three sessions, preferably three consecutive days, and you'll sweat out all the nicotine that's left in your system.  |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 17, 2016 8:01:24 GMT -5
You not tried an ecig? They are fabulous to save money and not smell... But they don't half keep you heavily addicted to nicotine. Well me anyway. And I sneak the odd cigarette here and there too... Nothing like when I was smoking full time but still. I think cold turkey is the only way nightmare! I cut back to half a cigarette at a time before I went full cold turkey, and got lots of gum. Also, that hot yoga I told you about is amazing for helping quit; three sessions, preferably three consecutive days, and you'll sweat out all the nicotine that's left in your system. Ok. I'm gonna do it x |
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Post by JMX on Aug 17, 2016 8:05:54 GMT -5
You not tried an ecig? They are fabulous to save money and not smell... But they don't half keep you heavily addicted to nicotine. Well me anyway. And I sneak the odd cigarette here and there too... Nothing like when I was smoking full time but still. I think cold turkey is the only way nightmare! I cut back to half a cigarette at a time before I went full cold turkey, and got lots of gum. Also, that hot yoga I told you about is amazing for helping quit; three sessions, preferably three consecutive days, and you'll sweat out all the nicotine that's left in your system. I have never heard that about hot yoga! Thanks for the tip! |
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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 17, 2016 8:06:32 GMT -5
I cut back to half a cigarette at a time before I went full cold turkey, and got lots of gum. Also, that hot yoga I told you about is amazing for helping quit; three sessions, preferably three consecutive days, and you'll sweat out all the nicotine that's left in your system. Ok. I'm gonna do it x You got this! JMX, I know you can do this too, when you're ready. And trust me, I know how much it sucks. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 17, 2016 8:07:34 GMT -5
I cut back to half a cigarette at a time before I went full cold turkey, and got lots of gum. Also, that hot yoga I told you about is amazing for helping quit; three sessions, preferably three consecutive days, and you'll sweat out all the nicotine that's left in your system. I have never heard that about hot yoga! Thanks for the tip! I did Bikram, but there are several variations. The most important thing is just keep sweating. |
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Post by solodriver on Aug 17, 2016 9:57:58 GMT -5
I'm short, 5'3". I think our refusers find reasons to complain about compatible things they had no complaints about earlier in the relationship. I do agree that there is a sexual positions that work best with every lover, but you can enjoy different things together sexually. I think that when our refusers want a reason to refuse us, compatibility is the one thing they can go to every time if all else fails. And you're right, those statements hurt very deeply, something we thought we'd never hear from someone who said they would always love us no matter what.
I understand that bodies change with age and over time, but it hurts deeply when something that you used to enjoy together is no longer enjoyable to one of you and they make no effort to find something to replace it with. Then, soon enough, there is nothing left to enjoy and the sexual feelings and love you had for that individual dies, just like flowers that are never watered and tended to.
When my wife rejected me, I thought it was me, that I had lost my appeal to all women. I have wondered if I will ever find pleasure with a woman again. I wonder if there is a woman who wants to please me and meet my needs. It's a very sad feeling indeed.
Okay Solodriver - I would like to interject here if I may - I could be wrong and out of line - If so - I apologize. Here goes. Height is only an issue if you are trying to get something off the top shelf. I'm short also (something that my mouth often forgets) Fortunately, I'm also hairy and sarcastic with a highly warped perspective on life, a sense of humor that is very twisted and dark while, luckily, being just smart enough to get myself into trouble (good times!). So what? If a woman loves you, height is not an issue - Period - do not let something that you have zero control over occupy your thoughts. You hint that she has used your height as an excuse to not have sex. You are right - if a refuser wants to find a reason they will - and height is an easy target - That's inexcusable and frankly if someone who was supposed to love me said that- we'd have a serious conversation about division of property because that is so shallow I wouldn't be able to look at them without disgust. Lastly - and in my opinion - most importantly - You wonder if there is a woman who wants to please you and meet your needs? That sounds incredibly selfish. How about a woman who can enjoy your attention? Or a woman who you can connect with? Share with? Laugh with? Likes sex as much as you? How about a woman who can fulfill you as much as you fulfill her? I will also say this - (and I am as guilty as any other man so I'm NOT throwing stones) - If you can't or won't - or not even TRY to fulfill HER needs there is ZERO chance of her trying to fulfill yours. No relationship can last like this. Maybe in the short term, but never in the long. I just think that maybe you'd like to really examine what you are looking for and why. I agree with you on everything that you shared. and yes I also agree that both individuals in a relationship have the responsibility of trying to fulfill the needs of the other.
Thanks for pointing those things out as well. I completely agree with you.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2016 11:30:11 GMT -5
It's the attitude, the mind, the ability to accept ourselves that makes us sexy or not. Step away from the scales and the tape measure! Direct order lol! Damn straight. I got 245 pounds of good lovin' to spread around LOL. Ok I need to lose weight. But I don't feel unsexy as I am now...thanks to the women I've been with since my ex. She didn't mind me being overweight just as an aside. She just didn't want to have sex with me. So like everyone else I thought I was no longer desirable. I'm not a big advocate of affairs because when they go off the rails it can be a catastrophe, but I have to admit, the moment I kissed my AP I felt sexy again. And now, with my overweight bolted together gf, on Saturdays and Wednesdays I feel super sexy when she's buns-up kneelin' BUNS UP! and I'm wheelin' an dealin' WHEELIN'' AN' DEALIN' AN' OOOOH!..(if you get this you are twistedly, totally cool) and she's screaming and seeing stars. Am I a great lover? With my ex, terrible. With my gf? The greatest. Da man yo!!! Compatibility. It's just amazing how bad I was with some and good with others. Because it's not me. It's us. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 17, 2016 11:33:53 GMT -5
It's the attitude, the mind, the ability to accept ourselves that makes us sexy or not. Step away from the scales and the tape measure! Direct order lol! Damn straight. I got 245 pounds of good lovin' to spread around LOL. Ok I need to lose weight. But I don't feel unsexy as I am now...thanks to the women I've been with since my ex. She didn't mind me being overweight just as an aside. She just didn't want to have sex with me. So like everyone else I thought I was no longer desirable. I'm not a big advocate of affairs because when they go off the rails it can be a catastrophe, but I have to admit, the moment I kissed my AP I felt sexy again. And now, with my overweight bolted together gf, on Saturdays and Wednesdays I feel super sexy when she's buns-up kneelin' BUNS UP! and I'm wheelin' an dealin' WHEELIN'' AN' DEALIN' AN' OOOOH!..(if you get this you are twistedly, totally cool) and she's screaming and seeing stars. Am I a great lover? With my ex, terrible. With my gf? The greatest. Da man yo!!! Compatibility. It's just amazing how bad I was with some and good with others. Because it's not me. It's us. I don't get it at all, but that doesn't stop me loving this post man. Ha ha. Wicked x |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2016 12:03:19 GMT -5
Damn straight. I got 245 pounds of good lovin' to spread around LOL. Ok I need to lose weight. But I don't feel unsexy as I am now...thanks to the women I've been with since my ex. She didn't mind me being overweight just as an aside. She just didn't want to have sex with me. So like everyone else I thought I was no longer desirable. I'm not a big advocate of affairs because when they go off the rails it can be a catastrophe, but I have to admit, the moment I kissed my AP I felt sexy again. And now, with my overweight bolted together gf, on Saturdays and Wednesdays I feel super sexy when she's buns-up kneelin' BUNS UP! and I'm wheelin' an dealin' WHEELIN'' AN' DEALIN' AN' OOOOH!..(if you get this you are twistedly, totally cool) and she's screaming and seeing stars. Am I a great lover? With my ex, terrible. With my gf? The greatest. Da man yo!!! Compatibility. It's just amazing how bad I was with some and good with others. Because it's not me. It's us. I don't get it at all, but that doesn't stop me loving this post man. Ha ha. Wicked x Ah yer cool anyway :-) |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 17, 2016 12:13:57 GMT -5
He he. You know me  x |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 17, 2016 13:59:53 GMT -5
Okay Solodriver - I would like to interject here if I may - I could be wrong and out of line - If so - I apologize. Here goes. Height is only an issue if you are trying to get something off the top shelf. I'm short also (something that my mouth often forgets) Fortunately, I'm also hairy and sarcastic with a highly warped perspective on life, a sense of humor that is very twisted and dark while, luckily, being just smart enough to get myself into trouble (good times!). So what? If a woman loves you, height is not an issue - Period - do not let something that you have zero control over occupy your thoughts. You hint that she has used your height as an excuse to not have sex. You are right - if a refuser wants to find a reason they will - and height is an easy target - That's inexcusable and frankly if someone who was supposed to love me said that- we'd have a serious conversation about division of property because that is so shallow I wouldn't be able to look at them without disgust. Lastly - and in my opinion - most importantly - You wonder if there is a woman who wants to please you and meet your needs? That sounds incredibly selfish. How about a woman who can enjoy your attention? Or a woman who you can connect with? Share with? Laugh with? Likes sex as much as you? How about a woman who can fulfill you as much as you fulfill her? I will also say this - (and I am as guilty as any other man so I'm NOT throwing stones) - If you can't or won't - or not even TRY to fulfill HER needs there is ZERO chance of her trying to fulfill yours. No relationship can last like this. Maybe in the short term, but never in the long. I just think that maybe you'd like to really examine what you are looking for and why. I agree with you on everything that you shared. and yes I also agree that both individuals in a relationship have the responsibility of trying to fulfill the needs of the other.
Thanks for pointing those things out as well. I completely agree with you.
Weight has become an issue. For my entire marriage I was sold on the notion that " more to love" was the amicable approach. Along with an attitude of selfless efforts to try to please and fulfill my partners needs. At the young age of 28 I figured this was a safe way to think about my own body.not knowing how much weight I would gain in the near future. 24 yrs later I am 1inch larger in the waist and 4 lbs heavier. This approach worked well until the breaking point of the years of rejection and disrespect. I find myself looking at my STBX as no longer attractive. ( no need for details) what I struggle with is thinking of the future. My thin ,cut ,figure gives me a lower self confidence. I relate to a heavy set woman with a greater , friendlier, easier, perky attitude than I do to a slender woman. Now when I go to the gym, I notice that all the women there close to my age, all but one, have an overall far better shape than my STBX. I have doubts of regaining the " more to love" mentality again. Doubts that someone my size finds me compatible? A SM really plays with your stability. More reason for me to end my marriage and find new people to relate with, on many levels. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 17, 2016 14:34:33 GMT -5
greatcoastal, I've spent the majority of my life being active and athletic. I put on a good bit of sympathy weight as my wife has gotten more depressed and less active, realized what was happening, and have started fighting my way back down to my sweet spot in terms of weight and BMI. I definitely find myself much less attracted to her, not because she's put on ~50+ pounds over the last year. I find myself less attracted to her because she's self-conscious about it, says she wants to be healthier, but then continues with the same activities and habits that have got her in this situation, and snaps at me when I offer to help.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 17, 2016 15:12:21 GMT -5
greatcoastal , I've spent the majority of my life being active and athletic. I put on a good bit of sympathy weight as my wife has gotten more depressed and less active, realized what was happening, and have started fighting my way back down to my sweet spot in terms of weight and BMI. I definitely find myself much less attracted to her, not because she's put on ~50+ pounds over the last year. I find myself less attracted to her because she's self-conscious about it, says she wants to be healthier, but then continues with the same activities and habits that have got her in this situation, and snaps at me when I offer to help. I feel that you and I offered our spouses a wonderful gift, to accept them as they are. The rejection in return has me feeling incompatible, and noticing incomparable couples too. It's going to take interaction with others to fix that. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 17, 2016 15:21:15 GMT -5
greatcoastal , I've spent the majority of my life being active and athletic. I put on a good bit of sympathy weight as my wife has gotten more depressed and less active, realized what was happening, and have started fighting my way back down to my sweet spot in terms of weight and BMI. I definitely find myself much less attracted to her, not because she's put on ~50+ pounds over the last year. I find myself less attracted to her because she's self-conscious about it, says she wants to be healthier, but then continues with the same activities and habits that have got her in this situation, and snaps at me when I offer to help. I feel that you and I offered our spouses a wonderful gift, to accept them as they are. The rejection in return has me feeling incompatible, and noticing incomparable couples too. It's going to take interaction with others to fix that. We tried couples training, actually at her suggestion. That went... Disastrously. Apparently I was pushing myself too hard, and making a scene, and showing off during our training sessions. |
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nightmare! 
x
