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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 15, 2016 11:08:00 GMT -5
I was just talking earlier with a friend about Carolina Beach Music, and it suddenly reminded me of an earlier time in my life, dancing with a girl on the beach after dark, either by the dying embers of a driftwood fire, or in the headlights of my old Honda, The Drifters playing as we moved together, reveling in the closeness, the connection. Then it hit me. Holy crap, once upon a time I used to be really pretty good at the whole romantic thing, and it was actually welcomed and appreciated by my significant other. I can't remember a case where my wife hasn't rebuffed my attempts to pull out some of those old things i used to enjoy doing for a partner. They were usually called "cheesy," "dumb," or just me "trying too hard." And now thinking about that missing part of my life, of whatever remains of our relationship, how long there's been a real lack of passion and excitement, is making me feel sad.  |
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Post by Pinkberry on Aug 15, 2016 11:15:37 GMT -5
Very sad. It is another example of how this woman is not the one who deserves your affections.
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Post by ted on Aug 15, 2016 11:47:10 GMT -5
I'm sad for you, cagedtiger.
In an attempt to revive my wife's romantic side, I brought out the letters we wrote to each other during our dating years, which I've saved. I have a big box of them. They smell like her perfume at the time. They mean (meant?) quite a lot to me. I suggested we look them over; it'd be fun. I really thought this was going to be a productive move.
She called them "cheesy" and "dumb." "I can't stand to hear those; we sound so stupid." "Ugh, I sure was young and stupid back then." "Well, that was back then. You can't possibly expect us to be like that anymore." I was heartbroken.
I'm sad when I think about the time period during which we wrote those. I really thought getting back to how we were "back then" was the goal lately, but I guess I "can't possibly expect us to be like that anymore."
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2016 11:58:09 GMT -5
I'm sad for you, cagedtiger. In an attempt to revive my wife's romantic side, I brought out the letters we wrote to each other during our dating years, which I've saved. I have a big box of them. They smell like her perfume at the time. They mean (meant?) quite a lot to me. I suggested we look them over; it'd be fun. I really thought this was going to be a productive move. She called them "cheesy" and "dumb." "I can't stand to hear those; we sound so stupid." "Ugh, I sure was young and stupid back then." "Well, that was back then. You can't possibly expect us to be like that anymore." I was heartbroken. I'm sad when I think about the time period during which we wrote those. I really thought getting back to how we were "back then" was the goal lately, but I guess I "can't possibly expect us to be like that anymore." Ouch....I feel it.... the change in attitude of my W is similar....the marriage ended everything.. |
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 15, 2016 12:29:28 GMT -5
cagedtiger ... different history here, same reaction. When we dated, I enjoyed the fact that she wasn't a mushy romantic, but eventually regretted that she wasn't *ever* romantic. Romantic attempts reliably get the "you're being goofy" or "why would you do that" reactions, when they're not missed completely. And efforts that took plenty of preparation but made no impact... proposing on a secluded Hawaiian beach at sunset; anniversary dinner at a quaint Italian restaurant with a surprise limo and a gondola ride; vacationing in a castle on a snowy mountainside. As you say, it's an unwillingness to be passionate about life.
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Post by wewbwb on Aug 15, 2016 13:17:57 GMT -5
I used to save all our tickets (Movies, plays, theater, concerts, passes from the parks and attractions we went to) And put them all on a peg board - a "we were there" board.
She thought it was stupid.
I threw it away.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2016 13:56:27 GMT -5
This whole thread is making me insanely sad. Sad for everyone whose attempts to connect are rejected. Sad for the dying relationships that happen when one party is rejected so often. Sad even for the ones doing the rejecting, wondering if they realize what damage they did to their partner...
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2016 14:36:47 GMT -5
I was just talking earlier with a friend about Carolina Beach Music, and it suddenly reminded me of an earlier time in my life, dancing with a girl on the beach after dark, either by the dying embers of a driftwood fire, or in the headlights of my old Honda, The Drifters playing as we moved together, reveling in the closeness, the connection. Then it hit me. Holy crap, once upon a time I used to be really pretty good at the whole romantic thing, and it was actually welcomed and appreciated by my significant other. I can't remember a case where my wife hasn't rebuffed my attempts to pull out some of those old things i used to enjoy doing for a partner. They were usually called "cheesy," "dumb," or just me "trying too hard." And now thinking about that missing part of my life, of whatever remains of our relationship, how long there's been a real lack of passion and excitement, is making me feel sad. I want to say cagedtiger, that everyone who has posted before me has mentioned how sad it is that all our romance is dead and it is damn sad. We are all correct. We are living this hell that reminds me of the movie "Groundhog Day". The alarm clock goes off and all our days are different but the same result, and then the alarm goes off again. All our romances are dead and we cannot do anything about it. But if I can look back and see any thing positive, when our romances and lives functioned the way they were supposed to. When the alarm didn't go off and every day was not Groundhog Day, then I feel a little better, because I know that I really, really tried. And it's not only about sex, human beings need intimacy (well I do, but apparently my wife doesn't) too. I wish I had some of the answers. Good luck to us all. |
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Post by 3000more on Aug 15, 2016 14:46:04 GMT -5
Same story, different woman here. After being told that's silly or laughed at, you quit because as strong as you may be, each little cut makes the wound deeper.....
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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 15, 2016 14:47:32 GMT -5
Same story, different woman here. After being told that's silly or laughed at, you quit because as strong as you may be, each little cut makes the wound deeper..... Exactly. And I don't even think she's noticed that I've quit trying. Or rather, when. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 15, 2016 14:55:26 GMT -5
I'm sad for you, cagedtiger. In an attempt to revive my wife's romantic side, I brought out the letters we wrote to each other during our dating years, which I've saved. I have a big box of them. They smell like her perfume at the time. They mean (meant?) quite a lot to me. I suggested we look them over; it'd be fun. I really thought this was going to be a productive move. She called them "cheesy" and "dumb." "I can't stand to hear those; we sound so stupid." "Ugh, I sure was young and stupid back then." "Well, that was back then. You can't possibly expect us to be like that anymore." I was heartbroken. I'm sad when I think about the time period during which we wrote those. I really thought getting back to how we were "back then" was the goal lately, but I guess I "can't possibly expect us to be like that anymore." Let me first say "sorry for the harsh tone". your wife just did two things. One, she called you, and HERSELF, " cheesy, dumb, stupid, young and stupid". Second she admitted that it was all a lie. You have every right to question her truth, and to have little trust in her from now on. Sure I understand that we all mature, change, slow down etc.. with age,but to talk about the past that way. Sounds like bait and switch. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 15, 2016 15:18:06 GMT -5
Same story, different woman here. After being told that's silly or laughed at, you quit because as strong as you may be, each little cut makes the wound deeper..... Exactly. And I don't even think she's noticed that I've quit trying. Or rather, when. This brings up the " why" question, but from a different perspective. Yes you quit, yes it cuts into your strength, yes it makes the wound deeper. I am guilty of that. Start asking ourselves why do we allow others to cut in line in front of us, others to always ask us to do favors, we find ourselves loaning money, volunteering, giving, giving, giving. Is that why we married a taker, a controller? Is it a lack of self confidence, or years of training, to be nice, kind, forgiving, that went to far? Did marrying a controller/taker give you a sence of comfort that others will now no longer take advantage of your giving nature? That you have this stronger partner who can say "no"? Did that feel like a good balance in the beginning? Giving is a gift and a truly rewarding way of living your life. Time to put your own needs, true needs, at a much higher level. I have yet to hear were that gift of giving entirely goes away. ( someone correct me, please) |
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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 15, 2016 15:20:18 GMT -5
...but I don't let people cut in line ahead of me...
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 15, 2016 15:31:50 GMT -5
I was just talking earlier with a friend about Carolina Beach Music, and it suddenly reminded me of an earlier time in my life, dancing with a girl on the beach after dark, either by the dying embers of a driftwood fire, or in the headlights of my old Honda, The Drifters playing as we moved together, reveling in the closeness, the connection. Then it hit me. Holy crap, once upon a time I used to be really pretty good at the whole romantic thing, and it was actually welcomed and appreciated by my significant other. I can't remember a case where my wife hasn't rebuffed my attempts to pull out some of those old things i used to enjoy doing for a partner. They were usually called "cheesy," "dumb," or just me "trying too hard." And now thinking about that missing part of my life, of whatever remains of our relationship, how long there's been a real lack of passion and excitement, is making me feel sad. Just be glad she doesn't have children to use for manipulation against you. Seriously. Can't afford to go out to eat any more. Have to bring and pay for the children. Children don't like those kind of resteraunts. the kids need to go to bed early. The kids have practices, and homework. The kids don't have a baby sitter. The kids might hear us, or see us. I am exhausted from taking care of the kids all day. lets bring the kids!! let the kids play in our room, watch our TV, use our computer, drive our cars, stay up late, have there friends over, have sleep overs, drain the budget, marriage? Marriage? What's that? Intimacy, Hugh? Were a family! Hello world, look at us !! Who who! Don't we look great! ( from the outside while crumbling on the inside) |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 15, 2016 15:38:15 GMT -5
...but I don't let people cut in line ahead of me... You and I allow our wife's to all the time. Why is that? The same person who is supposed to be working beside us. |
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