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Post by unmatched on Aug 7, 2016 17:44:55 GMT -5
So I am curious after some of the recent posts here. I know if you asked everybody in the world who did the most work in their house, most of them would probably come back and say 'ME'. (Or at least 50/50.)
But still ... how many people here feel they do more than their fair share??? And how many people do a fair share? And how many people if really honest will admit to doing less?
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Post by litnerd on Aug 7, 2016 19:25:19 GMT -5
I do less than usual right now because I'm in a "fuck it all" stage of life (mostly because of depression, but also because of a rough pregnancy), but I normally do almost everything except pay the bills. H has our single income and handles all of the bills/budgeting because I hate it. I do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, scheduling, pet care, home repair/updating (our house is 90 years old and was neglected for decades before I moved in), and most of the caring for the kids (though, that's due more to his work schedule than anything else...when he's actually home, he's pretty decent at helping with the kids). I often think I should figure out a way to go back to work full time (not possible at the moment because of child care costs/logistics), because my best friend handles all of the same stuff + works full time and it's effectively killed her sex drive because she's so exhausted every day and her husband doesn't help at all.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2016 19:36:18 GMT -5
When I was still married, I literally did every single thing except take the trash cans to the curb once a week - housework, yard work, childcare, shopping - all of it. In fact, just this week, I informed Mr. McDoucheTart that he would need to schedule and take the kids to the dentist because I was already taking time off work to take them to their eye exams and I can't take any more time off work. Then it hit me - in the last 19 years, he has taken our children (well, actually just the one) to the doctor ONCE. One time in almost 20 years because I was out of town at the time. I'll admit to enjoying this situation perhaps a tad more than I should. He said in court that he had wanted me to go back to work full time years ago. Now he's getting to experience what it is like when both parents work and he actually (gasp) has to do some of the work.
Hm, apparently you struck a nerve with me here. Unresolved anger issues much?
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Post by litnerd on Aug 7, 2016 19:57:56 GMT -5
When I was still married, I literally did every single thing except take the trash cans to the curb once a week - housework, yard work, childcare, shopping - all of it. In fact, just this week, I informed Mr. McDoucheTart that he would need to schedule and take the kids to the dentist because I was already taking time off work to take them to their eye exams and I can't take any more time off work. Then it hit me - in the last 19 years, he has taken our children (well, actually just the one) to the doctor ONCE. One time in almost 20 years because I was out of town at the time. I'll admit to enjoying this situation perhaps a tad more than I should. He said in court that he had wanted me to go back to work full time years ago. Now he's getting to experience what it is like when both parents work and he actually (gasp) has to do some of the work. Hm, apparently you struck a nerve with me here. Unresolved anger issues much? I've been demanding more help because I physically can't do a lot of my usual chores right now, but I've also started making H handle some of the Doctor/dental visits for our oldest (who is my stepchild). He handled ALL of that when he was a single parent for 4.5 years, so I know he can. I've just let him get away with being fucking lazy for the past 6.5 years because I was anal and needed to be in control. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2016 20:57:40 GMT -5
I take care of most of the household chores, shopping, dr's appointments, school functions, etc... he does very little around here. Starting to feel like a maid and nanny.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2016 21:03:44 GMT -5
My ex did more than I did. I am not a very domestic woman anyway. My philosophy of housework is this: If you can't tell the difference before and after, you are doing it too often.
That said, I don't think I am a total slob. I try to clean up messes as soon as they occur, and to be a bit clever and avoid doing things that are going to mess up the house in the first place. But he pretty much took over and did any chore that I was not doing to his satisfaction. I think that was part of the unhealthy dynamic between us.
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Post by baza on Aug 7, 2016 22:47:00 GMT -5
In my deal with Ms enna, we split the household tasks pretty much 50/50, though I suspect that she probably does a bit more than me
The cooking I reckon goes about 30/70.
Vacuuming and suchlike 50/50.
Washing 20/80.
Wood gathering 100/0
Gardening and similar 40/60
Financials 50/50
Dishes 20/80
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It is more a situation where if there are things to be done, and there always are, she does one and I do the other, and some things are done jointly.
It is a big non-issue in our lives.
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In my ILIASM deal, there was very little done on a day to day basis.
Every so often one of us would get sick of the clutter (usually me) and have a clean up.
The house was pretty much a disgrace.
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 7, 2016 22:52:37 GMT -5
At the risk of appearing chauvinist... she does. But that's the job she chose, and it's her only one. Mine is to earn our income.
When the kids were young, we had a cleaning service come in twice a month; that stopped when the kids got older. We hire out the yard work, we dine out far too often, and my work clothes go to the cleaners. What's left isn't a very long list.
If I was retired, I'd certainly share the load. But until then, it wouldn't be financially smart to, say, stop sending my shirts to the laundry and instead iron them all myself. I suck at ironing, and it's well worth paying them to do it.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2016 2:13:26 GMT -5
I will admit she does the home cooking and keeps the house picked up, which she wins that time battle.
I am a self-employed, mostly work from home dad. I putter and fix little things, do all the 'take out' cooking, maintain the yard, and help make sure the kids are fed and get to school, and chauffeur them around. I also pay a maid weekly to spend 4 hours cleaning the house. I don't know if I could claim any credit or even should admit that, but my wife does not complain.
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 8, 2016 4:37:28 GMT -5
I did everything.
Cooked, cleaned, shopped, pay the bills, laundry but not his, took kids to their activities, lawn service cut our yard.
Every once in awhile if I pissed him off he would do the dishes. It was the weirdest thing. If I went out with friends and he didn't want me to when I came home the dishes were done but he was still pissed.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 8, 2016 6:44:45 GMT -5
I do 90%.
I wrote a list for our therapist, titled " things my wife has not done in a along time" it was three pages long. She pays some of the bills, ( many are done on line), budget, taxes, takes care of the home school testing and evaluations, and makes dinner on the weekends, I leave disciplining up to her. Discipline rarely happens now. My ways are wrong according to her. ( a whole nother topic).
Things didn't start that way. At one point the children had there own set of chores to do. We took a " everyone will do there part, and you are responsible for cleaning up after yourself, or there will be consequences attitude." That fizzled and changed with teen age years.
Looking back ,to the beginning of our marriage ,I realize that I would put my shoes and clothes away daily. She would pick hers up once a week. If she " forgot" that would be 14 days of me seeing her mess all around. After communicating about it , I was told, " it doesn't matter to her, it's not that important". I would communicate back," it matters to me, it is important, I was not raised that way, I don't like having to step over it and see it all the time." End of discussion. You can only guess what has happened from the size of my list!
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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 8, 2016 6:48:38 GMT -5
So I am curious after some of the recent posts here. I know if you asked everybody in the world who did the most work in their house, most of them would probably come back and say 'ME'. (Or at least 50/50.) But still ... how many people here feel they do more than their fair share??? And how many people do a fair share? And how many people if really honest will admit to doing less? Me. 99.5%. He doesn't even drive! |
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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 8, 2016 7:16:07 GMT -5
I do the grocery shopping, cooking, dishes, and probably about 1/2 the cleaning. I'm the one who walks/ runs the dogs, feeds the animals, and scoops the cat's litter. She takes care of the bills (though it's mostly automated), and does laundry... When she remembers. I discovered last night wet clothes that have been in the washer since probably Monday, and of course had to re-wash them.
That happens a good bit of the time. And I still iron all my own things, since she's never used one.
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Post by tamara68 on Aug 8, 2016 7:22:37 GMT -5
I work nearly fulltime and do most of the grocery shopping, most of the dishes, mop the floor every day, do the bills, half of the laundry.
Husband does all the cooking, half of laundry, 20% of the grocery shopping, vacuuming. He is convinced that I do far too little.
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Post by worksforme2 on Aug 8, 2016 8:08:05 GMT -5
Since I am divorced now I do all of the aforementioned by others chores. But back in the old days we split a lot of the work but in all honesty she probably did more than me. I would have helped more but my X was really a clean freak and I could not sweep or mop or clean in general to her satisfaction. She would even find fault with the laundry if I washed the whites. Da*n, who doesn't know how to wash underwear and sheets but apparently there is a right and wrong way. So I eventually stopped cleaning as my work wasn't up to her standards.
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