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Post by ggold on Aug 8, 2016 10:33:25 GMT -5
My ex did more than I did. I am not a very domestic woman anyway. My philosophy of housework is this: If you can't tell the difference before and after, you are doing it too often. That said, I don't think I am a total slob. I try to clean up messes as soon as they occur, and to be a bit clever and avoid doing things that are going to mess up the house in the first place. But he pretty much took over and did any chore that I was not doing to his satisfaction. I think that was part of the unhealthy dynamic between us. I am not the most domesticated housewife for sure!! I feel we split the work. He gets more uptight than I do about certain chores. He did more in the past, but I can't complain because he cooks, cleans and does help with the kids. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2016 11:55:42 GMT -5
I've spoken about our deal already but the one dynamic in this area that is building up some frustration is clutter. Grrrr! My ex was the same way. It seems impossible to change it too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2016 12:33:03 GMT -5
Let see...
I do....
All yardwork: mowing, weeding planting, cleaning...
All car-work: washing, waxing, vacuuming, oil changes, repairs,
Clean the bathrooms, shower, toilets.
Wash the floors
Dusting
window washing
appliance cleaning
bill paying and all financial paperwork
all saving and investing
all house repairs/improvements
my own laundry
pet cleanup
wash all pots/pans that require scrubbing
She:
loads/empties dishwasher
grocery shopping
her own laundry
some pet clean up
occasionally wipes down the kitchen
makes sure the household meets the federally mandated 6 hrs of television watching a day (law right?)
and I work 50 hrs/wk to her 36 hrs....
Funny thing... she got a 2 hr notice that her mom was coming over last night... that got her cleaning for 2 hours!
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Post by litnerd on Aug 8, 2016 13:18:30 GMT -5
Let see... I do.... All yardwork: mowing, weeding planting, cleaning... All car-work: washing, waxing, vacuuming, oil changes, repairs, Clean the bathrooms, shower, toilets. Wash the floors Dusting window washing appliance cleaning bill paying and all financial paperwork all saving and investing all house repairs/improvements my own laundry pet cleanup wash all pots/pans that require scrubbing She: loads/empties dishwasher grocery shopping her own laundry some pet clean up occasionally wipes down the kitchen makes sure the household meets the federally mandated 6 hrs of television watching a day (law right?) and I work 50 hrs/wk to her 36 hrs.... Funny thing... she got a 2 hr notice that her mom was coming over last night... that got her cleaning for 2 hours! Nothing turns me into a cleaning maniac faster than hearing that my grandma or certain in laws are stopping by. My real friends and SIL don't really give a shit if my house looks like a tornado hit (and it does...two tornadoes who are 2 and 4). My grandma is the woman who managed her whole house flawlessly, but also ended up with rather fucked up kids. She gets really judgy about messy houses, though. |
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Post by litnerd on Aug 8, 2016 14:00:12 GMT -5
I went on strike this morning. I told H I was going to clean the kitchen (the dishes are *horribly* in the weeds) yesterday, so I needed him to make sure the kids don't kill one another. Our kitchen is closed off from the rest of the house, and once the water's running I can't see or hear anything that's going on. H decided to nap. So the dishes didn't get done yesterday, and he woke up pissed that the dishes weren't done, his undershirts were all dirty, and the kids' laundry had been dumped in the hallway (the aforementioned 2 year old went on a streak last night and I was too exhausted to clean up after bedtime). He kept saying "I need [insert chore] done." Meanwhile, I'm thinking "Well, I *need* some affection and appreciation, and maybe some dick...all things I can't readily provide for myself. Unlike clean laundry and dishes." So I left him with all 3 kids, didn't do jack shit before I left, and went to my dentist appointment by myself (normally, I'd take one of the kids to make things easier on him).
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Moetse Tau
Junior Member
Posts: 87 
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by Moetse Tau on Aug 8, 2016 14:52:28 GMT -5
- It is more a situation where if there are things to be done, and there always are, she does one and I do the other, and some things are done jointly. It is a big non-issue in our lives. - - In my ILIASM deal, there was very little done on a day to day basis. Every so often one of us would get sick of the clutter (usually me) and have a clean up. The house was pretty much a disgrace. Addressing the first part, each sees something that needs done, and does it. people see different things, and that helps chores get done. the second part, change 'was' to 'is', add 'as i see it' at the end and you have my situation. she does some, but seldom finishes what she starts. add to that, that she doesnt seem to know how to pick up trash and has evidently forgotten how the lid on the trash works, and you get the mess that I get sick of so often. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 8, 2016 15:40:45 GMT -5
I take care of most of the household chores, shopping, dr's appointments, school functions, etc... he does very little around here. Starting to feel like a maid and nanny. Your also his trophy wife. |
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Post by pfviento on Aug 8, 2016 18:48:06 GMT -5
In my case I realized the division of labor was also a problem. My spouse can sleep 12-14 hours a day easily if allowed. To be fair she has depression and anxiety issues. I knew some of this going in but not the full extent. I also missed some warning signs. I.E. I went over to help her paint and two hours into the job went to figure out where she went and found her asleep. We were engaged at the time. I wrote it off has work fatigue and finished the job.
Before we had our daughter she could sleep most of the day and it wasn't a huge issue then. It was annoying that we would be late to appointments in the afternoon because she overslept and would be angry if I woke her too early. Thyroid was checked and medication adjusted. A sleep Apnea test is scheduled but only because I forced the issue after years of dealing with it.
Since our daughter was born I was typically the one waking up at night to take care of her. My wife had several months off but I was working. I lived on 2-3 hours of sleep and just dealt with it until I finally got upset. I tried to be an understanding husband since I knew she had post partum issues but by the same token it's not going to get any easier for her if I die in a car crash or get sick.
A year later I was still the one getting up every morning to take care of the baby and feed her. The two exceptions are days I work Day Shift and basically the baby was averaging a meal at 9 a.m. on the days I had her and sometime after noon when my wife was in charge. At first my wife claimed the baby was sleeping in but acknowledged a few times she either did not hear the baby or did not have the energy to wake up.
I believe my daughter figured it out. She refused to poop for my wife. Literally she would go every morning with me. The days my schedule changed from swings to days she would hold it till I got home. I worked OT one day and she literally went over 24 hours without going and went 2 minutes after I picked her up. It was comical since my wife admitted she had not changed a soiled diaper more than 2-3 times in several months. That was strange.
I clean the floors. We have dogs and a toddler so it's necessary. I do most of the laundry. I have more hours with the baby (Based on the fact I wake up). It wasn't until I started getting upset that my wife started making an effort to try to get up and help before I went to work at 2 p.m. I also handle all of the yard work and make repairs on what I can.
I almost NEVER do the dishes. I do hear the complaining about that one chore and I made sure to fix the dishwasher so the complaints died down. I also do most of the cooking.
My wife does make more money than I do and pays more bills than I do.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 8, 2016 19:06:35 GMT -5
Chores are shit.
If/when i get rid of him, I'm spending half of what he spends on weed and getting a cleaner with it.
There's a good reason to get him gone eh!
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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 8, 2016 19:28:13 GMT -5
Chores are shit. If/when i get rid of him, I'm spending half of what he spends on weed and getting a cleaner with it. There's a good reason to get him gone eh! And then you can spend the rest, and all the time saved, on traveling, adventures, and music festivals! |
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Post by warmways on Aug 9, 2016 11:26:13 GMT -5
I do 100% of the house and yard work including changing the paper towel roll. His job is to take out the trash which he forgets most of the time. Luckily I found the trash and recycling center where I can take when he forgets. If I remind him he gets mad. Last week I finally reminded him and he forgot anyway We just had lots of guests for the last two weeks and he flew into a rage when I took the last sheet of paper towel and he had to put on a new roll to set on the counter. (Note: that he left it on the counter). He was getting so mad in front of his mom and niece. They just sat their stufffily giving me an icy stare.
I saw him use the dust buster twice in his chair to remove dog hair, but that's it.
I do all the pet care for the cats and dog.
What sucks is housework has to get done so I can't just not do it. Oh well.
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Post by warmways on Aug 9, 2016 11:38:29 GMT -5
And all the cooking. I asked him to microwave a hotdog when he was already microwaving one and he said he didn't have the energy. I'm not kidding.
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Post by cagedtiger on Aug 9, 2016 11:59:45 GMT -5
And all the cooking. I asked him to microwave a hotdog when he was already microwaving one and he said he didn't have the energy. I'm not kidding. Yeah... My wife's idea of cooking is baking a can of those Pillsbury sweet rolls with the fake orange icing. I've eaten exactly one the whole time we've been together. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 9, 2016 16:25:52 GMT -5
I was promised Lobster Thermidore by my man on the night we met in Oct 1999.
Still fucking waiting!
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Post by Rhapsodee on Aug 9, 2016 16:58:14 GMT -5
Everyone is expected to clean up after themselves in the kitchen and in their bathrooms as well as around the house. Everyone does their own laundry including my husband. I do everything else (maintenance). I find I'm less resentful of regular housework when I'm not cleaning up after other people.
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