|
Post by obobfla on Jun 1, 2016 18:42:39 GMT -5
@dan13732i so relate to you. Kind of wondering if she is capable of turning it on or expressing genuine affection for you. My wife cannot buy me a gift I like unless I drop a lot of hints, even after we have been married 15 years. She doesn't get it. Sounds like yours doesn't either.
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on May 31, 2016 19:02:48 GMT -5
BTW ladies, the Wahlburg brothers are opening a second location in O-town
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on May 31, 2016 18:33:45 GMT -5
I think we're going to need a bigger boat
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on May 31, 2016 18:00:35 GMT -5
I said hi to my friend Jack on a plane - got escorted off
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on May 31, 2016 17:40:15 GMT -5
Hey bballgirl, I have experience in publishing! Will even massage your arm after signing all those books
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on May 31, 2016 11:20:02 GMT -5
I feel fortunate my wife accepts her diagnosis and takes meds. I have heard all the horror stories from family members of mentally ill people who don't get treatment.
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on May 30, 2016 21:52:14 GMT -5
Yes, but it's only been 5 weeks notlookingback. Give it some more time. Remember the good and the bad, and you will move on.
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on May 30, 2016 18:21:27 GMT -5
I remember years ago when a friend of mine got divorced. She decided to have a "divorce party" and wore a tight cocktail dress to the event. She looked good, and we all had fun.
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on May 30, 2016 17:18:37 GMT -5
Best part is she can't figure out why I'm crabby. How fucking dense can you be? !!! I run in to this too. No way can she be so intelligent, and yet be so stupid. Surely she knows, but is lying to herself that there's no elephant in the room. Surely, she is not that oblivious. My wife never notices elephants either! And there are lots of elephants around me
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on May 30, 2016 12:29:54 GMT -5
She may have issues, but they are her issues. And her issues are causing other people problems. The question is does she want to do anything about it?
I think putting on the clothes was the best response. It screams "You need help, girl"
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on May 30, 2016 12:06:36 GMT -5
Don't blame you. I would have done the same, then headed out.
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on May 29, 2016 21:04:56 GMT -5
We have discussed it some, but she is not agreeing to an open marriage. I do take some time to myself when I can, maybe a weekend a year.
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on May 29, 2016 19:22:56 GMT -5
I've noticed a lot of us here have spouses with mental health problems. I thought I would share my experience here.
My wife is mentally ill. She has been diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder. I am also mentally ill, having been diagnosed with depression. About 1 in 5 of us are mentally ill, but there are varying degrees of mental illness. My wife doesn't need hospitalization, but she is on disability. There is no way she could hold down a job. I have a job to support the entire family.
Right now, my greatest problem with my wife is her inability to be aware of those around her. She goes into our 13-year-old son's room without knocking. She interrupts both of us, regardless of what we are doing. When I ask her a question, she rarely answers directly. It's as if she never listens. Instead, she is wrapped up in her own anxieties. If I am away from her, she calls me constantly. Neither my son or I can leave alone; she insists on being with us.
Believe it or not, it used to be worse. When she was in the midst of PMS, she would hear voices telling her what an awful person she was. She would yell back at them, then she would yell at me. My wife does not cuss very often, but she became like a sailor then, yelling "fuck this" and fuck that" to the voices. I got her to a psychiatrist, who put her on medicine. After a few adjustments to her doses, the voices stopped.
They returned after having our son. She was off the meds while pregnant, but she was fine throughout the pregnancy. A few months after giving birth, all hell broke loose. The voices raged at her, telling her what a terrible mother she was. She once suggested in front of her mother and me that we should give up the baby. I tried to commit her once during that time. Eventually, her doctor adjusted the meds, and she stabilized.
Those of you who take meds know they can do a number on your sex drive. They did some on mine and a lot on hers. I tried to work through this with her, but she refused to either get them adjusted or consult a gynocologist. She became paranoid about getting pregnant again. She couldn't use the pill, so we used condoms. She still panicked when her period was a minute late.
I got a vasectomy, which was a tough decision for me. I wanted more than one child. But to save our sex life, I got snipped. Even though there was almost a snowball's chance in hell that my wife would get pregnant by having sex with me, she still panicked each period. No, she did not have another lover. If she did, I would gladly let him have her now. Eventually, the sex stopped.
Her illness has left me scarred and torn. She takes her meds and tries her best to take care of our son. She does fight it, but I wish she fought harder. I have relied on a family-to-family support group from NAMI, which has helped tremendously. However, most of its members are parents of the mentally ill. I am one of the few spouses. Occasionally another spouse will come or a life partner of LGBT mentally ill person. But most do not hang around long. While parents are stuck with their kids, we can leave. And we agonize over that decision.
I would vascillate between anger and guilt with my wife. Anger at her behavior, and guilt over the fact that she is sick and trying. Eventually, I went into counseling and got rid of the guilt. My dilemna right now is to find a way to get out of this marriage without leaving both of us destitute. I want to start marriage counseling to prepare her for that day. I know it will come soon.
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on May 29, 2016 16:03:26 GMT -5
After arguing with my wife yesterday, my son said he was worried about my wife and me splitting up. I didn't tell him that we would stay together, but I explained that I was upset at my wife's thoughtlessness (he was too). I know what he wants, but I also have to think of what is best for him. My son and I are very close. We do everything to make each other laugh, making faces, teasing, and playing with puppets. He is 13 right now, but his mother treats him as if he were younger. She goes into his room without knocking. She even insists on walking him to the school bus stop. She also insists on going everywhere with us. My son and I don't get to spend too much time alone except after she goes to sleep. My son is forever. My wife is not, regardless of what the marriage vows said. I can relate. Marriage is freaking tough! Deciding how kids are to be raised or treated is enough of a struggle in and of itself. Personally, I agree with your perspective of giving your son more space and freedom. I think 13 is old enough to go to the bus stop on your own. Plus, the entering without knocking thing. He's at the age where he probably needs a bit more respect for his privacy. Also, in getting alone time with him. I get that too. I believe it's important for parents to get plenty of one on one time with their kids. Family time with everyone involved is nice and all but I just think that it's important to have that one on one stuff as well. My son is 6. May I ask, how long has your marriage been sexless? Do you wish you left when your kids were younger? How long has our marriage been sexless? Of and on about 10 years, with no sex whatsoever the past two years. After my son was born, my wife was born, my wife was scared to get pregnant again. Yes, I wish I left earlier. Although my son is one of the reasons I have stayed, the biggest has been lack of money. My wife is on disability and cannot support herself. I cannot afford rent for two apartments.
|
|
|
Post by obobfla on May 29, 2016 10:44:25 GMT -5
After arguing with my wife yesterday, my son said he was worried about my wife and me splitting up. I didn't tell him that we would stay together, but I explained that I was upset at my wife's thoughtlessness (he was too). I know what he wants, but I also have to think of what is best for him.
My son and I are very close. We do everything to make each other laugh, making faces, teasing, and playing with puppets. He is 13 right now, but his mother treats him as if he were younger. She goes into his room without knocking. She even insists on walking him to the school bus stop. She also insists on going everywhere with us. My son and I don't get to spend too much time alone except after she goes to sleep.
My son is forever. My wife is not, regardless of what the marriage vows said.
|
|