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Post by obobfla on Jul 23, 2016 8:30:12 GMT -5
Big waffler here. I am going to leave, then I stay, then I am going to leave...for a weekend. But let's face it - leaving is scary! And if we are talking boat analogies, I don't see another boat on the horizon right now, only open water. Plus, I do care for my wife. She is the mother of my son. Right now, she is doing better. We adjusted her meds, so she is less depressed and more aware. If you want to see a picture of our house now....
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Post by obobfla on Jul 23, 2016 7:06:32 GMT -5
I must follow every astronaut on Twitter, regardless of nationality. This is from Tayuka Onishi, the Japanese astronaut currently on the ISS;
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Post by obobfla on Jul 21, 2016 19:55:02 GMT -5
This is also an update. I had a really huge fight with my H last night. He told me last night that he had zero sex drive in addition to his ED... and that if I wanted to stay in the relationship, then I could. I told him that I needed intimacy and connection, that this arrangement would not work because I was unhappy, and need my husband. Of all the things he said to me last night, it was clear that he held me responsible for everything over the years, made no apologies to me for anything he's done, and literally sat emotionless while I cried heartbroken for hours, and pretended to sleep through my tears all night. The pain is pretty much devastating. Im planning to see an attorney the first week of August. I think you know what you need to know. Get out. You don't need to say anymore to him or even yell at him. He's made his point clear. Let your attorney talk to him. I hope you get back on your feet. Any man would be lucky to have you.
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Post by obobfla on Jul 20, 2016 22:43:45 GMT -5
It's strange that in my younger days, I used to cringe when I heard a steel guitar. Now most of what I listen to is alt country or what they call Americana music. Something about the sad music and the stories the songs tell.
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Post by obobfla on Jul 18, 2016 18:40:30 GMT -5
Heard this on Spotify and thought the lyrics fit so many of us
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Post by obobfla on Jul 18, 2016 18:29:08 GMT -5
ggold, your post hit me. For 21 years, I have not had a drink. But it made me wonder if I am really sober. There is a difference. There are people who don't drink but remain resentful and sullen. They are known as dry drunks, and they are not truly sober. They are so miserable, you want to buy them a drink just to cheer them up. Since I have been married and been in a sexless marriage, I have never felt any compulsion to drink. Don't want it, and I don't need it. I do have an occasional cigar and an occasional affair, but no drinking. I don't want to go back to what I was. But I have been resentful and anxious. Thankfully, my son keeps me laughing, so I am not totally miserable. But there are times when I can't stand being around my wife. I am resentful, which is a dangerous thing for anyone with addiction problems. I can't leave now, but I intend to when I can. And when that day comes, I hopefully will be truly sober.@
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Post by obobfla on Jul 15, 2016 18:27:49 GMT -5
@smartkat, hope your mom comes through ok. If she is anything like my mom was, she is probably telling you not to worry about her. When my mom had a hysterectomy, she told me it was "just a woman's procedure." My mom had eight kids and went through 20 surgeries, including a kidney transplant. When she turned 70, she had a large birthday party and admitted she was not 29. She lived to be 83, dying three months after my dad passed. She made Navy Seals seem like wimps.
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Post by obobfla on Jul 14, 2016 11:20:51 GMT -5
Either way, Allah will deal with him.
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Post by obobfla on Jul 12, 2016 20:57:00 GMT -5
cagedtiger, since you know some programming, I suggest the "If-then" statement: "If you don't take care of yourself by seeing a doctor about your migraines, then it's not fair to ask me to take care of you."
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Post by obobfla on Jul 12, 2016 20:09:05 GMT -5
I would have said "My lover, that's who!" As you can see, you are far from alone.
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Post by obobfla on Jul 11, 2016 22:12:39 GMT -5
duck butt? no, not mean enough! Dickless? I mean, he doesn't use it except to pee.
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Post by obobfla on Jul 11, 2016 22:11:25 GMT -5
It's funny how you bring up him being a controller. Long ago, he accused me of being a control freak. I am, to an extent. I control our finances, how we run our household, etc. Our first therapist brought that up. He feels useless because I am self-sufficient. He feels emasculated, for instance, when I tell him there isn't room in the budget for new golf clubs or hockey skates or whatever his hobby-du-jour is. The last thing I want to do is deny him activities he loves, but A. he's denying me and B. I don't want to go into massive debt because of his wants. There has to be some give and take. Things like this really piss me off. He feels emasculated because you're competent? I hate this. HATE it. It reminds me of when a well-meaning friend suggested to me that maybe the name "SmartKat" would put off men who would be afraid of the "Smart" part. Fuck that up the ass with a splintery flagpole. I can't dumb down because some men might feel threatened. I want to meet a man who would appreciate me when I'm smart. I want to be my real self - and that includes sometimes making observations that cut through the bullshit of life and get right to the point. I've gotten good at being tactful and diplomatic. That is not the same thing as totally hiding what I'm capable of. I dream of a man who would actually LIKE it when I say something smart.... Smartkat, you are so sexy when you're angry!
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Post by obobfla on Jul 10, 2016 21:34:02 GMT -5
Love it. I recognize the people at the top: Kierkegaard, Sartre, Nietzsche, and Christopher Walken. Christopher Walken? Here is his take on existentialism:
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Post by obobfla on Jul 10, 2016 17:41:42 GMT -5
Nottingham
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Post by obobfla on Jul 10, 2016 9:14:52 GMT -5
notlookingback, having had severe depression, I can give a few tips. The most important thing to remember is this - depression lies. It tells you can't when you can. It says you have never been happy and you never will. Telling that damn voice to shut up might be the hardest thing you do, but you have to. This is a disease that can kill. Suicide can take many forms, and only a few are conscious. You may be sick of talking about it, but you have to. If there are support groups in your area, use them. When I was a teenager, I went on a depressive rant, telling everyone how terrible I was. My mother sat down and told me about how she suffered from postpartum depression after the birth of my third sister. I realized I wasn't alone, and I got help. Give your medicine time. It normally takes most anti-depressants 45 days to fully work. Feel free to talk about the side effects. For me, Prozac worked well, but Zoloft did not. That is surprising, as they are very similar medicines. Don't be surprised if the medicine affects your libido. If that's an issue, talk to your doctor to adjust it. I realize this is hard. In fact, it's a marathon. So like a marathon runner, pace yourself. There will be times you must allow yourself to either sleep or cry. Finally, accept life on life's terms. Many of us have unrealistic expectations, and we feel we fail when we don't meet them. If you find yourself feeling resentful or in a bout of self-pity, sing along with Frozen and let it go. You will be fine. Trust me.
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