|
Post by aguywithneeds on Dec 9, 2018 9:47:31 GMT -5
Yeah iron, I'm that guy. I've had some extra material run ins, and honestly I didn't feel anything. So I like porn, its simple, theres no power struggle, just me and me. My wife has realized she lost her power base, all the things I mentioned she should start doing like 8 years ago, are now a priority. She's going to try and start sleeping in bed, we haven't shared a bed in 9 years. And the anger stage is where you really detach, there were times where she would hurt herself, fall or something happens, and I wouldn't do anything to help. Because I was so angry at her, but once it passes you go back to being a regular person again. But you get a real good build up of resentment during the anger phase.
|
|
|
Hello
Dec 8, 2018 23:04:24 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by aguywithneeds on Dec 8, 2018 23:04:24 GMT -5
So its been awhile since I stopped in. I'm still currently in a sexless marriage, but I have stopped pursuing her. Which makes me feel good, I think of the stages of grief, and I finally hit acceptance. I have become happy with being lonely, before it would make me feel depressed and down, but now I embrace it. I no longer crave affection, and I don't want it either. I now understand why the man no longer looks at his wife. Because if you do it comes with a price, I feel like when I do give in the demands pile on. When I'm idle the demands mean Nothing because there is no consequence, and I'm in control of my existence. And honestly I'm ok with it. To live a life never to know affection, it seems par for the course. But in the rare instance that she somehow becomes motivated to be a lover, I don't think I can oblige her, because 7years is a long time, she had my 20s, and 30s. And it seems fitting that she goes through the stages of grief as well.
|
|
|
Post by aguywithneeds on Dec 8, 2018 22:20:44 GMT -5
I used to be sure and kiss good night every night, but now it's a hug, and I'm ok with it. I have given up. I'm finally the caged tiger who's light has left his eyes.
|
|
|
Post by aguywithneeds on Nov 10, 2017 19:15:52 GMT -5
I'll be real with you man, money. Money is the reason people don't leave, we're comfortable, two incomes, bills are in line. If you leave Then there's child support,alimony and half your retirement. If getting a divorce was like quitting a job then more people would do it, especially here. I don't think many members here are deeply in love with their refuser, just waiting for the turn around, if they are then they're living in a fantasy. Humans are creatures of habit, if a person makes a habit of not having sex, then chances are they're not going to break the habit. It takes three weeks to create a habit, And three to break one.
|
|
|
Post by aguywithneeds on Nov 7, 2017 18:49:05 GMT -5
Another one, I am sorry to hear that. The stories the same, man baby won't get it up for anything but the TV. Honestly I don't understand men like this, I feel like it has something to do with their upbringing, absent dad, or raised by grand parents, they are always a little off, in some social circles known as betas. The best advice I can give you is keep up the honesty, let him know you have a soft spot for his hard spot, and if he doesn't start taking advantage of it, you'll find someone that will. Divorce may not be convenient, but a FWB may be a better solution. I'd push the issue, get dressed up Friday night, makeup whole 9, let him know you're going out for some drinks and stay out late, or rent a hotel and come back in the morning, not saying you do something, but just to gauge his reaction to the thought of you being available, and the unknown of whether or not you went through with it.
|
|
|
Post by aguywithneeds on Nov 4, 2017 20:26:58 GMT -5
Gotta get control over it, work up to it. I made it out to 6 weeks, and I'll be honest there's really no point after 10 days, I keep it on a 7-10 day schedule, just depends, the trick is porn. Gotta ditch both, I started off cold turkey, soon found that wasn't an option, and worked myself up, I still enjoy soft porn, mostly naked women, nothing remotely close to what was a normal browsing session. You can't just take away one variable, gotta be a clean slate.
|
|
|
Post by aguywithneeds on Nov 4, 2017 19:06:52 GMT -5
On a side note, I'm like most of you, I can get off, and in less than a minute I can be erect and ready to go again. I also thought I would go insane if I missed a day, often if I did I would masturbate as soon as I woke up and that night. Withholding and focusing on not ejaculating has really cleared my head, made my junk harder, and I have more control over myself, not only in a sexual manner, but in general. Just thought I'd say that to clear up any confusion, I know not everyone is the same.
|
|
|
Post by aguywithneeds on Nov 4, 2017 18:58:54 GMT -5
It's an adjustment, but possible, lots of professional athletes of all sorts withhold from ejaculation for better performance on the field,court,ring,and arena. There are benefits from it, do some research on male enhancement and stamina training, it's helped keep my mind off sex and still getting to play with my favorite toy, hell if I didn't put in the work, I would've never found this place and enlighten myself that I'm getting the shit end of the stick. I'd still be in that rut of once a month or two getting pity starfish sex after asking every night, in the meantime going to my empty bed to masturbate to hardcore porn for 5 min.
|
|
|
Post by aguywithneeds on Nov 4, 2017 15:22:39 GMT -5
These are some good responses, and good points. I myself was brought up in a very abusive household, and my mom actually said, me and your step dad talked about wether I would be the abuser, or abused, see how that turned out. I didn't even like my step dad until I was 20 so there's that. My wife grew up with her abusive mother who had men on a revolving door so the only thing that was a constant was her siblings. But also she herself was very sexual until her late 20s so is nature taking over
|
|
|
Post by aguywithneeds on Nov 4, 2017 13:01:28 GMT -5
Lol, there is a rumor that goes on to this day that they give you soft Peter, and it's in the eggs and salt shakers. Which is a lie, I assure you, I didn't have women in my basic, we thought those that did were having a orgy every night lol.
|
|
|
Post by aguywithneeds on Nov 4, 2017 10:45:13 GMT -5
I didn't, I don't think I got an erection til about a week after graduation.
|
|
|
Post by aguywithneeds on Nov 4, 2017 9:03:42 GMT -5
Regular masturbation to fantasies of the kind of lovemaking I hoped to experience some Day was what kept me able to lubricate and enjoy postmenopausal sex when I had sex with Post sm lover. I hadn’t had any sex beside masturbation in 8 years. So that's the weird thing, is it takes more for women to get going, so frequent masturbation and kegals is a good thing for the ladies, but in men not so much, the refractory time varies, but the general time to recover semen is about 48 hours. And 7 -10 days men hit peak testosterone levels and then they level off at about 14 days, so anything over 14 days is unnecessary. But ladies are the ones that should be masturbating a couple times a day.
|
|
|
Post by aguywithneeds on Nov 4, 2017 4:59:51 GMT -5
Well, I guess everyone in a sexless marriage uses some form of self stimulation. I wonder though if ones chances of a happy marriage are increased by not doing so. If I am serious about improving my sex life it might be worth aiming for sex and holding off masturbation. Why not use your sex drive to lead you to sex, after all that is what it is there for. That's exactly the point my friend, light edging sessions to stay functional, and holding out for actual sex. Focusing your time on self improvement, which should lead to a better partner, intern better sex life. Just a Theory thought, I'm in a SM, so I'm in the self Improvement stage.
|
|
|
Post by aguywithneeds on Nov 3, 2017 23:19:14 GMT -5
So my wife is cuddled up with my son in his bed, she took a pee break and returned to bed with him, and it got me thinking. Are refusers a natural occurrence or are they made, my wife had the typical two parents divorced lived with the shittier parent and forced to take care of younger and older siblings, never had a real healthy perspective of what a relationship was supposed to look like. Did this shape her perspective of how a wife is supposed to act or does she really not like intamacy. I bring up my son because we haven't slept together in the same bed for 6 years because of back pain and the couch is more comfortable, but my little guy was all hopped up on Halloween candy and couldn't fall asleep so she fell asleep with him, now if it was pain after the pee break she would have taken her spot on the couch but instead she nestled right back up in there. I understand my situation, I understand she doesn't desire me, and the last thing she wants to do is have sex with me, I post this as more of a conversation. Are refusers made or is it in their nature, and what would cause someone to deny themselves and the ones they supposedly love. Just a fun conversation to get people's feedback.
|
|
|
Post by aguywithneeds on Nov 2, 2017 11:26:03 GMT -5
I know it's weird to hear, but it's called edging, it's a type of stamina training, I also do kegals and reverse kegals. I have never had blue balls or anything of the sort. It's perfectly healthy, I suffered from pre ejaculation, and soft erections due to my daily dose of porn and masturbation. I found a way not only to focus my sexual energy but also enhance my performance while going through this SM thing. I am in much more control of myself, my erections are no longer 70%, but closer to 95-100% and I feel better, less preoccupied with sex, am I going to have it, I'm so horny I look at porn or naked women 4-5 times a day. Now I carry on like a normal person, clear headed, confident my desire has increased, my metabolism and muscle gain has improved. And I have focused my energy into self improvement and am less concerned with chasing after my Wife which normally left me frustrated and un satisfied. You don't have to buy into it is just a suggestion and my opinion, it helped me, do a Google search, educate yourself a little and if you're a guy, it's only 7 days, what's the worst that could happen.
|
|