|
Hello
Dec 8, 2018 23:04:24 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by aguywithneeds on Dec 8, 2018 23:04:24 GMT -5
So its been awhile since I stopped in. I'm still currently in a sexless marriage, but I have stopped pursuing her. Which makes me feel good, I think of the stages of grief, and I finally hit acceptance. I have become happy with being lonely, before it would make me feel depressed and down, but now I embrace it. I no longer crave affection, and I don't want it either. I now understand why the man no longer looks at his wife. Because if you do it comes with a price, I feel like when I do give in the demands pile on. When I'm idle the demands mean Nothing because there is no consequence, and I'm in control of my existence. And honestly I'm ok with it. To live a life never to know affection, it seems par for the course. But in the rare instance that she somehow becomes motivated to be a lover, I don't think I can oblige her, because 7years is a long time, she had my 20s, and 30s. And it seems fitting that she goes through the stages of grief as well.
|
|
|
Post by ironhamster on Dec 9, 2018 1:43:07 GMT -5
So its been awhile since I stopped in. I'm still currently in a sexless marriage, but I have stopped pursuing her. Which makes me feel good, I think of the stages of grief, and I finally hit acceptance. I have become happy with being lonely, before it would make me feel depressed and down, but now I embrace it. I no longer crave affection, and I don't want it either. I now understand why the man no longer looks at his wife. Because if you do it comes with a price, I feel like when I do give in the demands pile on. When I'm idle the demands mean Nothing because there is no consequence, and I'm in control of my existence. And honestly I'm ok with it. To live a life never to know affection, it seems par for the course. But in the rare instance that she somehow becomes motivated to be a lover, I don't think I can oblige her, because 7years is a long time, she had my 20s, and 30s. And it seems fitting that she goes through the stages of grief as well. My condolences, on the death of your desire. I suppose there is no set way that we respond to the bleakness of our predicament. On another thread, I recently mentioned a good friend of mine that has given up not just pursuing his wife, but all women. He is content to watch porn. There was a time when I believed my wife would want me some day as much as I wanted her. It never happened. I wondered what it would be like to turn her down. I finally did, a year and a month ago, but it was not like you would imagine. She instigated a session of reset sex, and I could tell she wasn't into it. Just motions. I went limp, rolled off of her and told her she'd had twenty-four years to have a sexual relationship with me, and it was over. The grief she experienced was that she was no longer in control, and she knew it.
|
|
|
Post by baza on Dec 9, 2018 4:04:46 GMT -5
Was just going back through your old stories Brother aguywithneeds , particularly your opener in August 2017 where you were trying to come to terms with your deal. If you now - as you say - have got to a point where you are "ok with it", I guess that's progress and congratulations are in order on having gained that clarity.
|
|
|
Post by michael on Dec 9, 2018 5:39:52 GMT -5
I’m still in the anger stage. I was folding her laundry last night and found two pantys I had never seen before. For some reason that just infuriates me. A husband who never gets to see woman’s underwear except in the laundry. FUCK ME. That pisses me off.
|
|
|
Post by aguywithneeds on Dec 9, 2018 9:47:31 GMT -5
Yeah iron, I'm that guy. I've had some extra material run ins, and honestly I didn't feel anything. So I like porn, its simple, theres no power struggle, just me and me. My wife has realized she lost her power base, all the things I mentioned she should start doing like 8 years ago, are now a priority. She's going to try and start sleeping in bed, we haven't shared a bed in 9 years. And the anger stage is where you really detach, there were times where she would hurt herself, fall or something happens, and I wouldn't do anything to help. Because I was so angry at her, but once it passes you go back to being a regular person again. But you get a real good build up of resentment during the anger phase.
|
|
|
Hello
Dec 9, 2018 13:10:44 GMT -5
Post by worksforme2 on Dec 9, 2018 13:10:44 GMT -5
Counting one yrs. separation my marriage has been over 3yrs. now. I went through some stages of grief but I was able to skip the anger part. I was never angry at my X. Mainly because I didn't and don't think she deceived me. I believe her sexless state is a product of hormonal changes and was not something that could have been avoided. I know HRT was available but there is a history of problems in her family with female reproductive parts and she was scared of upping the chances of cancer, so that route was out. I mainly felt despair and grieved for what could have been and what we both lost. Ironically in the 3 yrs. since separating my libido has greatly diminished. 3 yrs. ago I was good for 3 times a week. Now 3 times a month will get me by. It was bound to happen at some point I guess. Still, being able to occasionally pump a load into the lady parts of a willing partner every now and then is pretty good for a guy that's 70. If I could find a partner that would initiate I probably could be counted on for more but the ladies I have dated in my age demographic aren't apt to initiate. At least that's been my experience so far.
|
|
|
Hello
Dec 9, 2018 14:30:46 GMT -5
Post by Handy on Dec 9, 2018 14:30:46 GMT -5
worksforme2, can you post some facts that you have experienced with women your age, such as how interested they were in a relationship with you or any man.
I have 2 widowed sisters and they will do things sometimes with men but would rather stay home or only go out with female friends. I also find the same thing IRL, but I am married, so that is a relationship killer.
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Dec 9, 2018 15:48:55 GMT -5
I am 67 and have women friends my age and older who have or want sexual and romantic relationships with men. My friends tend to be liberal and/or artistic. They tend to take classes, go to parties, dance, travel, be active politically do far more than babysitting grandkids and sitting home knitting. They also are good at taking care of themself and their house.
I suspect such circles are great places where to find women who like sex and romance. The needy, dependent women who lean on you for free repairs are probably not good prospects for sex.
|
|
|
Hello
Jan 17, 2019 20:27:54 GMT -5
Post by Frustrated1978 on Jan 17, 2019 20:27:54 GMT -5
Its ironic at how ok we can become with our situation once you have a full and honest assessment on what the deal is in your marriage.
|
|