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Post by solitarysoul on Sept 6, 2017 12:15:17 GMT -5
I see I am not going to get any support here...just attacks on why everyone else is right....
Sorry for intruding on the space of all you high libido, great sex, had lots of and expects lots of great sex people....
Clearly this is not a place for me....unless I do and believe as the mom tells me.....
I will take my leave of bring a part of the discussion....
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Post by solitarysoul on Sept 6, 2017 9:13:06 GMT -5
2. In counseling, we learned what asexuality means and how it affects my h, and me consequently. I don't know how this happened. We have 2 kids. But at some point his libido took a nosedive. He doesn't have low T. But where does this leave me? I didn't fall in love with a life of celibacy. @sexlessonthebeach In all my "interviews" with friends when I talk about my SM - I am astounded about how many in their 40s/50s are also SM. And yes, I have very good friends of mine who readily admit that they have low libido and have no desire to take pills or anything to improve it and are quite happy being in an SM. I know one wife of one of these guys who said in his face "be careful your days are numbered" and she seemed to mean it. If you peruse these threads, the gist of it seems to be: 1. Stay (accept the SM) 2. Cheat (outsource as best you can) 3. Leave I suppose another choice is attacking the fortified position uphill, I mean trying to force your Low Libido H to take pills and perform to you (regular "genuine" passionate love making). Personally, I think "forcing" an H or W to ramp up their libido aint going to work for nobody and is doomed. If your H genuinely wants to change and get his libido back somehow (pills counseling etc.) then maybe. Courage and blessings!!! And some people here give me flack when I make statements about how sexual activity seems to drop off at older ages ...and it's quite common....and I might leave only to find myself right back in the same place....with only half my stuff.... Yes there are Sexually active people in their 40s up to their 80s...but that segment declines as age goes up....maybe that's why it gets harder for many here to find good partners.... Just saying.... My own research and discussions have supported this conclusion...
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Post by solitarysoul on Sept 5, 2017 21:58:03 GMT -5
Soon the kids will be just like us!!!
No real sex!!!
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Post by solitarysoul on Sept 5, 2017 19:56:48 GMT -5
Ok, I'll bite...what's with the title 107 days? I have a little counter on the homescreen of my phone. It's now been 108 days with no sex. 😨 I just keep the counter to stay focused in case I occasionally start to drift to feeling that things are normal or ok. They aren't ok as long as that counter still has a big number. My counter went over 2,000.... Crossed the 1,000 before I started to get concerned...some on these boards have crossed the 10,000 line...don't go there...
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107 days
Sept 4, 2017 18:28:01 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by solitarysoul on Sept 4, 2017 18:28:01 GMT -5
Yes those women do exist.... No doubt about it....but for ever one, there are ten men who want to get in her pants too....numbers do not favor the men..... And while searching, expect to be called a pervert a few times.... Allow me to clarify.... It's different whether you are 35 or 75... My grandparents lived together in assisted living. My grandfather, at 90, was very popular being one of the only men. When I was 35, every event for singles I went to was strongly male, a sausage fest... I can see it swinging as we age... Men get old, heart disease, worn down bodies,...we die much earlier... But when I was younger, I was clearly outnumbered by alpha male...then take away women who heard their biological clocks ticking at 35....and look out, really hard to make myself stand out in the crowd.... And there still is a large percentage of our population that loses their sexuality as they age....not all...but it is a group that grows each year they age ....
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Post by solitarysoul on Sept 4, 2017 18:17:13 GMT -5
Thank you doctor for your diagnosis....where do I send the check....? You clearly miss that I am perfectly fine with being alone... I have always owned my decisions ..you are in NO position to judge my decisions. Period. Clearly this is becoming a site with only one direction and one decision allowed. Very sad to see.... I have no further need for your opinions Northstar. solitarysoul Hmm, I aint judging much but I do notice your handle "Solitary Soul" . Actually I am not judging but perplexed and I ask this to help me understand as learning from others experience does help me and I hope that is sort of how it works here. You are saying or going with "being alone" and staying married in current situation? Is it a sort of rising above the need for passion and intimacy? This sounds a bit ascetic and very disciplined. I am reminded of the Monk concept. I am not judging there are some Warrior Monks that are totally bad-ass and the Great Samaurai Musashi wrote his hallmark philosophy called "Walking Alone" (Dokkodo in Japanese) and he forbid many of lifes pleasures such as luxury living and fancy foods and "Romantic Love" in particular (not no sex just avoiding I think being in a passionate intimacy relationship) it would distract from the focus of mastering the Warrior Way (Heiho in Japanese). Anyhow . . . I am all ears to listen. Respect. Thank you....I have always been someone who is very comfortable being by myself...in fact, I need alone time each day. I go running, driving, hiking by myself and enjoy it immensely. I don't have a driven need to be with people all the time. My W is the opposite. She hates doing anything alone. Movies, concerts, festivals.... She will not do these alone. Since she does not have a large social circle, I often accompany her. Our differences we're not apparent when we were dating as she got time with me, and I got my time alone...not till she moved in did it become apparent to me. While I am not a monk, I don't have a deep need to have a large social circle. I played alone a lot as a kid and I thoroughly enjoy my time alone now. I just don't see the end all be all of life to be getting in a woman's pants. Sure, it would be great, but I do have a lot of good in my life. And great respect for many of my wife's traits. We just have our differences in our needs from day to day.... Maybe I could do a better job of connecting with her....and maybe that would improve our relationship...but these are things I evaluate as I go...perhaps I have been alone almost all my life because I have a need for this alone in my life....and I am perfectly happy with myself being alone....even enlightened by it...
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Post by solitarysoul on Sept 4, 2017 16:02:15 GMT -5
"The choice to stay, the choice to leave, the choice to cheat, are all valid choices....." Yes, your choice is valid. What I am saying is you need to own the choice you've made. Accept that the sex life you have with your wife is the best you can get with you. She isn't going to magically change personalities and become your passionate lover. accept that because you feel she is your only option except choosing to be permanently single, you are choosing to be in a sexless marriage with her. Not having sex iis to you a better option than being permanently alone. There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who say, "I can," and those who say, "I can't." They are both right. That's why I believe your choice is valid for you. The only thing I disagree with is that you don't admit you have chosen this. You do have other options, but this sm is the option that you feel is best. You prefer your known relationship than risking cheating or divorce. You fear your wife is the only woman who would be interested in you. She is, you think, the best you can do. Thank you doctor for your diagnosis....where do I send the check....? You clearly miss that I am perfectly fine with being alone... I have always owned my decisions ..you are in NO position to judge my decisions. Period. Clearly this is becoming a site with only one direction and one decision allowed. Very sad to see.... I have no further need for your opinions Northstar.
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Post by solitarysoul on Sept 4, 2017 15:18:18 GMT -5
Solitarysoul you could choose to take the day off and leave town alone. You have choices. Or you could continue to let your wife trample over you. You act like you have my whole life figured out... When you have no idea...you know so little of me and my W yet you say such strong words.... This is NOT support...you will only be happy when everyone on this site dumps their spouses and runs off to find some mystical lover...since maybe that will justify your decisions... Given how little of my total relationship I have discussed here, no one on this site can definitively tell me how to live my life..... Nor will I live every minute of my life or choose my destiny on the power of the pussy....it's NOT worth it. The choice to stay, the choice to leave, the choice to cheat, are all valid choices.....
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Post by solitarysoul on Sept 4, 2017 14:40:41 GMT -5
I think to my W, sex is work and not pleasure....
Who wants to work while on vacation?
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Post by solitarysoul on Sept 4, 2017 14:38:58 GMT -5
I feel for you...I know what you feel...my 43rd is 3 weeks away....
I have never gotten laid on my birthday....ever...it's always about going out to dinner...mostly with her family...ugh...
For a few years now, she doesn't even bother to ask what I want, just buys what she thinks I need ...
I spend my b-day doing what I want ..and I insist she let me do it....but I still get stuck going out to dinner after a long tiring day at work.....
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107 days
Sept 4, 2017 14:34:10 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by solitarysoul on Sept 4, 2017 14:34:10 GMT -5
Yes those women do exist.... No doubt about it....but for ever one, there are ten men who want to get in her pants too....numbers do not favor the men.....
And while searching, expect to be called a pervert a few times....
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Post by solitarysoul on Sept 4, 2017 14:31:52 GMT -5
My phone is not locked....but she never even bothers to look...nor do I bother to look at hers....
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Post by solitarysoul on Sept 1, 2017 14:12:33 GMT -5
All I had to do was check a different box on that speeddating form "would you like to meet this person again?".
I paused before checking that "yes" box....I think about that pause a lot....
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 28, 2017 6:53:52 GMT -5
Disengagement...one tool to keep the peace...to just keep on living...it's my tool of choice...I just worry about what I need to...deal with problems she brings to me...live my life...as I generally had no sex before, this is probably much easier for me than most others here. True, it doesn't solve the problem, but it seems to be something I can live with....just like when I was single... But it's not the solition many can live with... Many people might bounce of the walls...but I can live with it, hell, I got through my 20s as a virgin, when my hormones we're at hell of a lot stronger... I suspect it will probably only get easier for me.... But choice your path carefully.... The only reason I got through my 20s as a virgin was because I was indoctrinated as a youth to believe horrible things would happen if I had sex before marriage and that waiting would be rewarded with an amazing sex life in marriage. I had hope for the future and lots of fear of the consequences of failure. I wish I didn't have the will power I had back then. My reward for all that self deprivation and restraint isn't much of a reward... For me it wasn't about fear or teachings, it was a total lack of opportunity. I couldn't get a date in HD or college...I guess that's why disengagement works for me and not for others... I have already been here. No sex, and no chance for it.
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 27, 2017 21:02:18 GMT -5
Disengagement...one tool to keep the peace...to just keep on living...it's my tool of choice...I just worry about what I need to...deal with problems she brings to me...live my life...as I generally had no sex before, this is probably much easier for me than most others here. True, it doesn't solve the problem, but it seems to be something I can live with....just like when I was single... But it's not the solition many can live with... Many people might bounce of the walls...but I can live with it, hell, I got through my 20s as a virgin, when my hormones we're at hell of a lot stronger... I suspect it will probably only get easier for me.... But choice your path carefully....
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