In the context of an ILIASM shithole deal, *you*- the more dis-satisfied spouse - do not have a real lot of tricks up your sleeve.
You are not holding a real good hand.
You do not have a real lot of tools in your bag.
One of, if not *the best*, is your credibility.
The fact that if you say something, whoever you said it to can take it to the bank that you mean it, and will follow through on it.
This credibility is a HUGE - absolutely HUGE - asset to have in dealing with an ILIASM shithole.
It puts you in the drivers' seat, you know what the score is, and so does everyone else.
It is a huge asset in your armoury.
On the other hand, it can be your worst enemy.
Particularly if you are prone to saying things you don't mean, or make threats that you are not prepared to carry out.
An example, if you say stuff like "I will divorce you if you do that again", or "I will have an affair if that's your attitude", or "I will leave you unless you ----", then the spouses errant behaviour continues and you do not follow through with your statement, then the spouse knows that you are full of shit, and need not be taken seriously.
You have shred your cred.
And, put yourself backward by months if not years.
Trying to re-establish your cred is extraordinarily difficult.
The starting point is to adopt a policy of not saying shit that you do not mean, starting small.
An example -Sister
tiffanyc recently had a rotten wedding anniversary (the story is up if you want to read it) but when her spouse asked what was up, she said "I'm fine".
You are probably best served in such a situation to say nothing, or instead say something pretty banal like maybe - "Yeah, I'm a bit pissed off, but I don't feel up to discussing this at this time" - and then do NOT engage in discussing it at this time.
In little increments you will rebuild your cred, and be ready to take on the more challenging issues.
Keep saying what you mean, and back it up with confirming action.
Avoid - at all costs - saying shit that you do not mean.
Don't shred your cred.
Practice practice practice. Do not say shit you do not mean. Do not make threats that you are not prepared to carry out.
Cultivate a persona where your spouse knows that if you say something, it's true, and you'll act on it if need be.
It will make things a whole lot more manageable when you get to the big issues at the end game.
If you get to the point where you are going to play the best card in the pack - "I am leaving you" - then you absolutely have to be in a place where you are not bullshitting, and mean every word of it, and have a do-able plan to execute it.
That's quite a while off for you probably.
But in the here and now, today, "Do not say shit that you do not mean"
Don't shred your cred.
It is potentially the best tool in your kit.