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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 7, 2017 20:55:04 GMT -5
In your situation, I wonder whether your husband's 12 pack of beer a night is a reason that none of the medical interventions worked. Drinking so much alcohol also may have wiped out his libido. There's a woman who posts here who decided to end a longterm relationship because her partner got addicted to prescription pain medication, lost his libido and refused to get any help. It was, understandably, a very difficult decision for her to leave the man she still loved. I really hope that woman sees my post, I'd love her input. The alcohol for certain is a problem. He was a big drinker from day one but he did seem to have an interest in sex back then. Now there is none. I did try going to Alanon for a few months, it was so emotionally draining for me and I couldn't get past step one which is to let go and let god. Letting go isn't in my nature. Letting go is important. Letting God, well, that's entirely up to you, but in my own life, I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN MAKE THE CHANGE. God supports, should you believe. Letting go allows you the FREEDOM to move forward. Part of that may involve forgiveness. Start with YOU. Forgive yourself for letting this go on as long as it has. You have the power. SNAP! Sorry, this just started to go through my head...
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 7, 2017 19:43:50 GMT -5
Oh dear. and SO WELL WRITTEN. Thank you eightsandaces for putting into words what we all go through. I fear he has damage buried so deep that he's never dealt with it and his easiest response is to blame you. Tell you it's your fault. It is NOT your fault. I say that knowing it takes two and you have done everything you can, but he has not dealt with the issue at the core of the problem and it's easier for him to blame you than face the reality of what he has dealt with in his life, possibly at a very young age. Or I could be completely wrong, but it doesn't make sense. Sounds like he's going to a crappy counselor that is telling him exactly what he wants to hear. I CALL BULLSHIT! To echo flashjohn: Do be sure you are working on yourself, and caring for yourself. In the end YOU are the only person YOU can rely on. YOU are your own savior and only YOU can change who you are. You can't change him, only he can. Save yourself, even if all he can do is sit back and watch. DON'T let him destroy who you are. YOU are a beautiful person inside and out. He's damaged beyond repair and only he can make the decision to change. (((HUGS)))
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 5, 2017 22:06:45 GMT -5
I was LITERALLY just writing about this very topic. Great post flashjohn ! Small clip In the not so distant past, men wanted to marry virgins - again to insure the offspring was theirs. Somewhere along the line this romantic, convoluted, Hollywood ideal crept up that being a virgin was the best thing a young woman could give to her soon to be betrothed. I need a drink. I suddenly feel nauseous. Back to virgins and modern day sexless marriage… I once pointed out to a man that sexless marriage is all their fault. They wanted to marry virgins, and after they did, they were disappointed in how insecure and inept the women were in the bedroom. Sure they could have the house sparkling and fix a meal for twenty, but she couldn’t give a blow job to save her life. NO TEETH! HA! I’m just kidding!
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 5, 2017 21:59:51 GMT -5
I was LITERALLY just writing about this very topic. Great post flashjohn!
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 5, 2017 20:43:35 GMT -5
First time here. So done, beyond hurt. No sex is one thing but final straw was I asked to take me to emergency room (another story had been awake 24 hours and having sharp chest pains) and she said I could wait would be fine. I don't care what she says or does at this point. Will start separating finances today and look for a lawyer I can't believe I am typing this... WTF? ? I am so sorry.
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 5, 2017 20:36:07 GMT -5
<3 <3 <3
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 5, 2017 20:16:28 GMT -5
I hope you have the time to read this. I am BEGGING all of you - please reach out to our brother in arms rdp62 who is dealing with Combat induced PTSD, and suffering. This man has put his life on the line for ALL of us and we need a world-wide show of compassion for him. He is in therapy, but has continued to attempt suicide, and says he should not be alive. rdp62 , please know we are ALL here for you and I will speak with you everyday to help you. You have fought for all of us and endured unimaginable terror. I am relieved to know you are in counseling, but disheartened that you are still suffering every moment of every day. Then you end up here, which tells me you aren't getting the support you need at home. Please stay with us rdp62. PLEASE! I am pm'ing you now as well.
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 5, 2017 20:08:44 GMT -5
I hope you are seeing a therapist to deal with PTSD. I also deal with PTSD as does my BF. We both manage it with medication, and I add therapy to that as well. I wish BF was seeing a therapist regularly, but he hasn't figured that part out yet. C-PTSD is a bit different have been in weekly therapy and medications but it is overwhelming at times hundreds of attacks over years, several suicide attempts should not have survived still not sure going to make it much longer Are you getting help with the VA? They are extremely good with combat PTSD. I assume that's what you are referring to. Please stay with us rdp62! You are a HERO!!!!! I am blessed to have made your acquaintance and I am so grateful for your service!
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 5, 2017 20:03:49 GMT -5
Hahahaha!!!! You have NO idea how much I LOVE this statement! (((HUGS))) wewbwb Not as much as I did. Not even close . *SNORT!* You're probably right
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 4, 2017 19:12:47 GMT -5
Also she was flexible and not squeamish . So good times. Hahahaha!!!! You have NO idea how much I LOVE this statement! (((HUGS))) wewbwb
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 4, 2017 9:03:15 GMT -5
A serious problem for me with C-PTSD lack of intimacy feels like rejection which causes flashbacks and worse, it's just vicious and brutal... I hope you are seeing a therapist to deal with PTSD. I also deal with PTSD as does my BF. We both manage it with medication, and I add therapy to that as well. I wish BF was seeing a therapist regularly, but he hasn't figured that part out yet.
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 4, 2017 8:34:15 GMT -5
This is also on my blog and posted this week. Again, related to to the topic. Admin Please remove if I am posting too much! ************************************************************************************************ Nearly 3 years ago I found myself on EP looking for validation. Validation that it was okay to cheat on my husband.
Fortunately for me, I asked this question in a place where the anonymity of the internet can be brutally honest.
"You are here to obtain permission to sleep with a man who is not your husband."
Damn. All I wanted was an "Oh you so need to fuck your friend." Didn't happen. Well, there were others that said yeah, cheat, but this statement stuck with me.
I was rejected by my husband for years, never felt beautiful, desired, or wanted, but life was great! I figured the great sex I desired was over with because I was living this wonderful life. How could I possibly want to cheat living such a wonderful life?
Suddenly there is a burning flame of attraction with another man and I felt it - that magical desire that gives you butterflies and brings on a high that can only be felt with Lust/Love or narcotics. It's freeing, makes you feel wanted, desired, fulfilling this hole that had been in my relationship for years and never realized existed.
I was also brainwashed.
YES, BRAINWASHED.
We all are. Society tells us what is right and what is wrong, and our parents and caregivers also play a HUGE role in sculpting how we think.
Bottom line, you need to live your life according to your values.
- So what are your values?
- Do you love yourself?
- Do you know WHO you are?
- Why did you stay in your relationship?
- Was it the security?
- Did you grow up with nothing?
- Was your mother/father part of your life growing up?
These are the same questions that brought me to where I am today. I've done a ton of soul searching and figuring out WHO I am, and worked hard, and continue to work hard on loving myself. Counseling has helped me face all of these and continues to help me.
I have daddy issues. I am in a position now where I can recognize that. I now recognize how people have treated me in my past and when I see the same treatment now, I recognize it. I am able to change my direction instead of falling into old habits of "going with the flow".
I was flowing through life and relied on my early-shaped instincts, which are all based on how I was raised. Yes - I have mommy issues too! LOL! Cutting the cord and separating my values from those of my mother's has been enlightening.
Make sure you are taking care of yourself and you learn WHO you are, figure out YOUR values instead of letting society (and those who raised you) tell you what is right and wrong.
Most importantly, don't forget to LOVE who you are!
XOXO!
*V
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 4, 2017 8:20:03 GMT -5
You're timing baza is amazing. I just wrote the following for my blog yesterday - edited for the purposes of this post. It's not publishing until later this month. Enjoy your preview ************************************************************************************************* I recently met someone who told me their spouse only needs them for emotional support, and doesn't want a physical relationship.
WTF is that all about?
How can you expect a supportive partner when you are unwilling to bond with them in a meaningful way? It makes me wonder how this person was raised. Did they grow up in an unsupportive environment? Was affection not the norm? Does this person have mommy/daddy issues? What the hell happened that they think it's okay to shut off the physical part of their relationship? If you're married, you made a vow to have sex until death parts you.
There is a part of our traditional wedding vows that addresses sex in the marriage. Until it was pointed out to me, I never realized it was there. "To have and to hold". How many times is that vow broken and NOT addressed? Btw, a partner who refuses to have sex can be accused of abandonment in marriage. At least in my state here in the USA.
So what is worse? Breaking this vow of matrimony that seems to appear in many modern vows? Or cheating? We always jump to cheating. While it's a legal reason, it's not typically a marriage vow. I can't seem to find where adultery is addressed in most modern vows. I saw "forsaking all others" which sounds all kinds of fucked up to me. I'm gonna give up ALL my family and friends for my spouse? I'm sorry. That's fucked up. Not in this day and age.
Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery
Ah yes. Adultery. Do you know what it means? We all are aware of the modern day definition - two people where at least one is in a committed relationship and fucking another person. I get that.
Do you know how adultery was defined when it was written?
I'm pulling this from wikipedia (my own personal bias included), so it could be completely wrong, but given what I recently learned in the book "Sex at Dawn" by Christopher Ryan, PhD. and his wife Cacilda Jetha, MD., I feel good about it's validity.
Adultery in the time of Moses:
Men fucking whomever they wanted and women being put to death if they fucked someone other than their husband. WTF? Oh, when the man did have sex with a woman who was not his wife he married her. Just FYI.
In a time where birth control didn't exist, the only option was to control the woman. This maintained the bloodlines in their offspring with regards to inheritance and property rights.
Sex is an amazing part of the human experience. There is nothing else we do as human beings that brings out so much good in our bodies. Sex releases hormones that are meant to create a bond between us and the one we love. Skin to skin is the ultimate in intimacy. Sharing fully of our bodies and mind is my definition of Intimate Love, and it can only come from having more sex with a partner we love.
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Post by Venus Erotes on May 31, 2017 22:34:38 GMT -5
I remember a post on EP that talked about a hug business. Was quite the thread!
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Post by Venus Erotes on May 31, 2017 22:33:59 GMT -5
"Someone" is usually the man. If not? Run like hell... Unless you're into men....
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