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Post by deadzone75 on Oct 6, 2023 9:43:04 GMT -5
Typically speaking, the spouses are be long done with us...At some point, one may wish to consider the possibility that it's the counselors who might wish to keep us coming back... This right here is why I think marriage counseling or therapy is a joke, personally of course. I tried it in the past and it ended up pointless as the counselor kept dragging out the sessions. You are 100% correct...also in my personal opinion. The exception would be if both parties actually want things to change. Otherwise, it is a much more expensive option of "why" chasing. Waste your money on some bloke to tell you what you already know? What, after the fifth session will the therapist tell you that you are sad because you can't get laid? After all the deep-sea diving into your past, a few thousand dollars later to tell you that your self-esteem has taken a hit after many years of no sex? They'll tell you the same shit you've been hearing in a place like this for free, only difference is you're putting a Tesla in the therapist's garage. What a kick in the face; you still aren't getting laid but you're getting fucked in the wallet.
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Post by deadzone75 on Oct 3, 2023 19:15:12 GMT -5
Anniversary, not of the last time we had any intimacy, but 41 years ago today we were married. Kind of bittersweet, I am longing for some, any, intimacy, but I think I have more chance of falling pregnant. 4) Men like peace. Maybe a day of rest? Some music? A good book, enjoy the fall colors, and recharge yourself! Men like a piece of ass. He's 41 years on in a SM, so I'm guessing he already gets plenty of peace. I suggest going out and getting what any man in a SM really wants. Go buy a handjob or a blowjob or an outright fuck.
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Post by deadzone75 on Sept 23, 2023 23:06:07 GMT -5
I had a breakfast date this past wee with a woman I had been talking to for some time. This was out 1st in person meet. I had suggested a coffee meet, but she wanted a meal. I manuved behind her at the cash register going in to see what she would do. I was pleased that she paid for her meal right away. The rest of the meet wasn't all that great but it did have this one positive aspect right off to bat. We'll see where it goes. Am I the only one who thinks it's weird for someone to push for a meal on the first meet? I think a coffee would be the choice for most. I mean, I don't like eating in front of someone on the 10th meeting, much less the very first time I see them.
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Post by deadzone75 on Sept 5, 2023 15:50:19 GMT -5
I think this resentment seeps into everything else. when i get frustrated i am scary pissed off. i was out of town visiting our daughter and came back to a complete and total mess and literally he does NOTHING for me. he did his laundry i had some in hamper he left it ... cooks greasy foods i had to spend an hour washing counter stove top etc up he did not even rinse coffee maker out had a bout half cup sitting there for a week ... he chose to go buy coffee for himself as he does not want to make just a cup even though that is an option on our machine. These are minor items but i literally am seething because the whole thing ... he once asked why i seemed angry and i told him a good orgasm would certainly help my attitude but since that is just another item i must do MYSELF. It often is down the chore list. There might be a reason why he does HIS laundry and literally nothing else. Slobs like that don't lift a finger around the house, no matter who the laundry belongs to. Unless you were gone for weeks, maybe he was covering his tracks.
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Post by deadzone75 on Sept 5, 2023 15:44:34 GMT -5
What good is a talk and a quiz after 15 years of no sex? Unless it's a quiz to evaluate her mental status, that's pretty useless. Because she has to be a bit mental to torment you by sleeping naked next to you every night, knowing one of you wants sex. That's some cold shit, and it would appear that's how SHE gets off. It took me less than a year of being friend-zoned to start sleeping in another room, not just to prove my position, but because I simply couldn't stand being that close to someone who didn't desire me. I might as well have been going over to my neighbor's house and sleeping next to her every night and then going my separate way in the morning. It was bullshit. And why, after 15 years, are you still going downstairs and crying at night? 15 years? If you aren't leaving, I suggest going downstairs and rubbing one out to Pornhub and put the Kleenex to better use. Just do something for yourself. And give your W an "F" for that bullshit quiz that proved that she likes it when you do all the chores. Great quiz, that. It's the one regret I have is that I didn't make a bigger deal of it when the frequency started declining. There was always something going on and I thought maybe it was me... even lost 40lbs at one point (that I've kept off). Even then I held onto the hope that her libido would return. I'm not sure her plumbing even works now. I still have to have "the" talk still and since I'm someone that avoids conflict I dread it. It very likely would have had no bearing on your current status if you had "the talk" on the 5th year or the 10th. I suspect deep down you know this. Either way, you can have "the talk" at any point. One's desire doesn't come with a warranty that expires. There really is no point in having a talk with someone who has pretended for 15 years, who sleeps naked next to you proving, at best, she doesn't have an iota of common sense or at the very worst, is doing it to make you more miserable.
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Post by deadzone75 on Sept 5, 2023 10:30:00 GMT -5
What good is a talk and a quiz after 15 years of no sex? Unless it's a quiz to evaluate her mental status, that's pretty useless. Because she has to be a bit mental to torment you by sleeping naked next to you every night, knowing one of you wants sex. That's some cold shit, and it would appear that's how SHE gets off. It took me less than a year of being friend-zoned to start sleeping in another room, not just to prove my position, but because I simply couldn't stand being that close to someone who didn't desire me. I might as well have been going over to my neighbor's house and sleeping next to her every night and then going my separate way in the morning. It was bullshit. And why, after 15 years, are you still going downstairs and crying at night? 15 years? If you aren't leaving, I suggest going downstairs and rubbing one out to Pornhub and put the Kleenex to better use. Just do something for yourself. And give your W an "F" for that bullshit quiz that proved that she likes it when you do all the chores. Great quiz, that.
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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 30, 2023 10:45:36 GMT -5
Going to the theatre, ballet or opera. Solo trips to London are met with accusatory silence, she does not trust me. It is a sad fact of life that single men are viewed with suspicion. I was called out for collecting my son from school, single man outside school must be a pervert. When he was a toddler taking him to the park was a nightmare, glares and asking why I was there. Or maybe I look like the stereotypical dirty old man. Interesting idea about me self censoring, looking for an excuses not to do things rather for reasons to do them. So she is aware that you want sex; she's not oblivious to the needs of a human being. But why would she pout about it if all you've ever done is wait on her hand and foot, showing no signs of getting your needs met elsewhere? Because she knows what it's doing to you and doesn't care. All she cares about is having you wipe her ass and take her all over the world so she can say "chin up!" to other strangers with her affliction. Noble to the world, a tyrant behind closed doors. The disease is unfortunate, but this not a good person, not by any description here. As far as single men being viewed in a poor light, that might have been true in the 90's. In fact, I know it was. If you had a kid and someone found out you paid child support...well, you were a fucking asshole who MUST have been the one to fuck up and ruin the relationship, likely cheating with several women and probably being an abusive drunk to boot. A single male parent was scum of the earth with no day in court back then...over two decades ago. Now? Go watch the movie "Little Children". A dude in a SM takes his kid to the park and multiple ladies want to jump his dick on sight.
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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 28, 2023 0:37:45 GMT -5
Better, older, not necessarily wiser.
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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 28, 2023 0:24:11 GMT -5
It sounds like you are pretty much her caregiver 24/7. The picture painted is that her health is the main reason why sex is off the table, yet you are constantly traveling overseas. Even for a healthy adult, traveling overseas one time can be taxing. I have a friend who travels to England twice a month and does nothing but complain how grueling it is. All this travel is manageable for her, but a simple handjob isn't? The travel is very tiring for her, but she is driven by her desire and commitment to help and assist people with the same disease as her. I do understand that, it is admirable indeed. It would be very difficult for her to travel alone, hence I am ‘dragged’ along. The mention of a “handjob” is more or less where my thoughts were drifting just a little while ago this evening. In my head the words are along the lines of, “you do so much for other people, yet a simple thing like some form of intimacy with me is out of the question!”. I won’t even try and initiate anything anymore, feelings of rejection are not nice. That in turn makes me feel even more resentful, knowing that would be the outcome. I am becoming so resentful and bitter with the situation, and I don’t want to be that way. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Unfortunate that she doesn't show you the same drive and desire that she shows total strangers.
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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 25, 2023 13:19:48 GMT -5
It sounds like you are pretty much her caregiver 24/7. The picture painted is that her health is the main reason why sex is off the table, yet you are constantly traveling overseas. Even for a healthy adult, traveling overseas one time can be taxing. I have a friend who travels to England twice a month and does nothing but complain how grueling it is. All this travel is manageable for her, but a simple handjob isn't? Is it the travelling or being in England that your friend finds gruelling? 🤣 I've never heard a disparaging word about the land, but the in-flight movies...
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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 25, 2023 0:49:36 GMT -5
I too am my wife's caregiver, yes, I need to do things by myself, in fact, my wife encourages me to get out and do stuff, make friends etc. outside of our home. HOWEVER, I resent having to do this, my happiness would be to have our old life back, where we used to do most things together. We do lots of overseas travel but I find I am miserable knowing that we will be in these lovely places, in beautiful (mostly lol) hotels, but knowing the chance of any romance or intimacy is practically zero. With resentment comes contempt for the other person, it's a roller coaster of emotions most days. I resent that I am forced to go outside of the marriage to get my 'needs' met, coupled with living in a semi-rural area makes it real difficult as well. Most of the time jerking off is just a whole lot easier, doesn't exactly make for a reasonable substitute though. It sounds like you are pretty much her caregiver 24/7. The picture painted is that her health is the main reason why sex is off the table, yet you are constantly traveling overseas. Even for a healthy adult, traveling overseas one time can be taxing. I have a friend who travels to England twice a month and does nothing but complain how grueling it is. All this travel is manageable for her, but a simple handjob isn't?
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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 24, 2023 9:48:54 GMT -5
If I were asexual, the last genre I'd be dabbling in would be romance, and I sure wouldn't be writing sex scenes. I highly doubt she is asexual. I would have easily agreed with you in the past. Then I read many of @irionhamster posts about his experiences questioning the asexual community on their on line sites. (maybe he can weigh in on this?) I recall that an asexual woman still deeply wants, desires, advertises, demands, asks for, touch, (hugs, light touch, sleeping in the same bed) conversations, romance, quality time, one on one activities, group activities, etc... ( the words ,part) but draws the line at sexual intercourse (penetration, oral, hand stimulation - the action part) I guess it might be telling the explicit nature of the sex scenes described as well. If the chapter ends with "They made sweet love until morning" versus "They covered themselves in baby oil and fucked until they were blue like Smurfs". My W did convince me she was asexual somewhere around year 13-14. She wanted the bullshit touching in public, wanted to have conversations, to share the same bed, and even liked to go out once in a blue moon for activities (Let's hit the grocery store like we're eighteen!!). It was a hill I was willing to die on; I knew she just didn't think about sex. It wasn't until the end that I found out I was wrong. The real facade wasn't meaningless touching in public for appearance's sake, the real facade was acting like she never had any interest in sex at home.
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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 23, 2023 10:41:47 GMT -5
I find this proven time and again. It doesn't mean anyone is bad at sex or unattractive. It doesn't mean that love, in some form, isn't present. It's improbable that someone "forgets" how to express sexual desire for a partner, nor that the importance of it in a relationship is lost (usually there are daily reminders from a spouse). It certainly doesn't mean indifference toward sex in general. You don't put your whole marriage and lifestyle on the line with indifference. Indifference could lean just as hard into "why not?" Most of the time, once the affair is revealed, or the relationship opened, or the "sex-averse" partner finds his or herself in the dating market again, there is a self-discovery and sex returns to that person's life. Usually, the lack seems to mean that there is such a fundamental disconnection between a couple that one of them has ceased to see the other as a viable sexual partner. Think of someone - anyone - that you know, who might be attractive enough but that you wouldn't ever touch or want to, based on something you know about them that you didn't always. It's a harsh toke, because most of the time, it's not really like you can "unknow" something, or rewind on whatever formative experience developed with them that turned you off them enough to override your own healthy libido, rather than have sex with them. Supporting your wife with writing and being a fan? Strikes me as a separate idea. Maybe to her to both of you, these are related The sex dried up before the writing started and even now she doesn't ever pleasure herself. As far as I can tell, she's become asexual. If I were asexual, the last genre I'd be dabbling in would be romance, and I sure wouldn't be writing sex scenes. I highly doubt she is asexual.
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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 21, 2023 10:07:08 GMT -5
If you arrive to the point that you need "the Talk", it's already over. Like therapy, nothing will convince a person that they want to have sex with you. They MIGHT have sex with you if you threaten to leave, or if a therapist convinces them to give it the 'ol college try pretty please. "Wow! I suddenly do like sex with you! I didn't find you attractive yesterday, but that appointment/talk really opened my eyes to how much I loved it. Now let me give you a blowjob!" In dream. If a refuser responds favorably, it is from some sort of coercion, or they just want to shut their partner up about it. If you can live with getting sex for those reasons, okay. But when you have to make that rough draft for your first "talk", do yourself a favor and also draft an exit strategy. Because if you don't and you're in a SM, your partner might.
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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 21, 2023 9:56:52 GMT -5
Angeleyes, there is no affection at all. There's been a few times where I've even tried to kiss her and she's turned her head. I've put a hand on her hip while laying in bed and she'll push it away. She says she loves me though. I would say at this point I'm not "in love" but we're deep friends. Being single and walking away from this life is just really really hard and I question if I'll be happier or still lonely and paying rent on my own. She doesn't love you; she likes you. She has given you a 3rd degree send-off with the "Hope you still love me!" line. It doesn't even sound like an ideal "deep friends" situation. It sounds like the only question here is can you swing paying rent on your own. If you really are good friends, you can remain good friends from a distance. It is the ultimate insult to find a person who has exchanged vows with you reverts to middle school mentality and thinks that "I like you as a friend" is an acceptable explanation for this kind of betrayal. See a lawyer, see a sex worker on the side, try to get into a full-blown relationship. The single life will be a breeze compared to the death sentence you are currently serving. Believe me, I know. My W was the one to put me out of my own misery. I was terrified in ways, and in other ways I felt better than I had since my teenage years. Even a 10/90% chance is better than a locked fate.
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