If I'm sleeping with other women, I hadn't given much thought to what other issues of trust would come up, that first one is such a whopper.
Apocrypha had given me pause though. It was my intention to grow fond of the ladies I'd share a bed with; care about their satisfaction.
Not a few women that consent to mistresses draw up parameters of what is permissible. Polyamorous relationships have boundaries as well.
In those relationships, if one is thinking a boundary is sacrosanct, one must negotiate it much as one does the infidelity, perhaps placing the marriage on the line if it's important enough.
Perhaps my wife would want such restrictions as well.
One absurdity I heard was an open marriage where kissing was prohibited. I snickered before I heard my prediction come true that the husband had broken that rule pretty quickly.
That would not be something I'd agree to. I can't imagine saddling a lover with that hard line and have her be okay with it. Sex only, no other gestures of affection. Maybe you can watch "Pretty Woman" for your first date to set the right tone.
Perhaps she'd fear divorce when I fell for a lover. Given the likelihood of divorce in a sexless marriage, it seems like there's little to lose.
I've mentioned in other threads that on OKcupid, I limited my search and my messaging to married women. I wanted all my FsWB to have their own husbands and platonic lives. This, I hope, would diminish chances of any attempts to lure me away from my wife. Perhaps this would hep the trust issues.
I was very pleased that Kathy offered to meet my wife to reassure her she was only after my body, not my life, but my wife and I weren't at that stage yet. I wasn't ready to pull the pin on the grenade and my wife reset before I was. If my wife makes me wait three weeks, I'll be dating Kathy, if she's still interested. On a third date, I may well not wish to resist. By the third date, we'd be looking at over a month of waiting. I've already warned my wife that wouldn't stand. She'll have had three opportunities to take our intimate life seriously. Leaving me frustrated for five weeks is a clear answer as to her priorities.
My wife said she'd divorce me if I "cheated" on her. I called her bluff. She saw a therapist for an unrelated reason, but that's when the reset started. Your wife may be blowing smoke too. You have the same options I did. You're just more scared than I was of pulling the pin on the grenade.
I see her demand that I be celibate just because she enjoys celibacy as a violation of monogamy. Zero lovers isn't monogamy. Neither is two. She chooses zero, I choose two.
If she wants me to have only one lover, she's got to become one, or divorce me. After which, I'll still be sleeping with another woman, but she'll likely have far worse living conditions than she currently enjoys and she may get lonely, being clinically depressed and obese. (I don't mind, but objectively the market for a new husband is threadbare for those 100+ pounds overweight ladies.)
"if I am interested in seeing other women, just let her know and we're done. Which I take to mean that she is willing to work on our marriage."
You can take it that way if you like. My first read is she's attempting to scare you out of an affair. She has no plans to lower your level of temptation.
Flippant. Overconfident.
What would happen if you said "I'm going out!", left the house for 90 minutes, and didn't explain yourself?
If I have her read right, you just turned a ghostly pale at the thought.