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Post by lwoetin on Jan 11, 2023 3:08:47 GMT -5
Driving to work and waiting for the red light to turn green. An suv next to me was playing the music loud. I looked and saw a pretty girl. I guess I must have been looking too hard. She did the head banging thing as she enjoyed her music while she looked back at me. That was sweet of her to share her music with me.
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Post by lwoetin on Jan 11, 2023 2:45:50 GMT -5
Here! Glad to see some familiar names. I'm still a legit member, unfortunately. Haha.ha.
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Post by lwoetin on Jun 23, 2021 0:44:30 GMT -5
A couple more questions: 1. How can I tell if my wife has really changed. As Jerri mentioned, I've been concerned that my wife is just offering longer term reset sex. 2. How close should a couple be after 20 year together? Times up! I think I'm too old to fall in love again so I can't give any advice on that. On closeness, I do remember a wife of a former president (Bush?) who said that what kept their 50+ marriage intact was humor. She didn't mention sex. If you can laugh in your marriage maybe it has potential. I'm not getting IT. But I think my wife and I are close after 24 years together. I'm more a vagynacologist than a sexual partner. I'm hoping things change once we are in empty nest status, a year from now youngest goes to college. A reset would be nice. I was watching the movie Joker a few days ago. Hopefully I don't laugh that hard.
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Post by lwoetin on Jun 5, 2021 3:16:31 GMT -5
I have not had a chance to see her and ask about her preferred pronouns. From reading your posts, I gather it seems fine to ask. I was just curious since I haven't seen anyone at work doing that. I would be surprised if she is a transsexual. I bet she is just supporting the cause. Elliot (Ellen) Page has been on the news lately and it just got me thinking. A year ago I was looking for movies with Alicia Vikander and checked out Danish Girl which turned out to be about the first incidence of a transsexual operation. Vikander was hot. And Eddie Redmayne who played the transsexual was very impressive and the movie was excellent. Watching videos is more fun than not having sex. .
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Post by lwoetin on May 23, 2021 1:52:41 GMT -5
I'm working with this young female and in her email signature she has her name and title, and at the bottom it says: Preferred pronouns: she/her/hers. OK, what else did you think I was going to call you?? She looks and sounds feminine. Do the pronouns suggest something unexpected about her gender? Maybe it's just because of her name which can be for either sex so she wants people to know she is female.
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Post by lwoetin on Apr 18, 2021 23:18:41 GMT -5
My wife had a dream last night. She was having a pillow fight with Dr. Fauci.
(That can't be a good sign.)
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Post by lwoetin on Apr 11, 2021 0:56:29 GMT -5
My w and your x are similar. They've lost that lovin feelin (they won't close their eyes when we kiss their lips). Being on this forum and seeing experiences of others helps us see the trajectory ours is taking. Perhaps a joy-filled stayer's path along mirrororchid's or petrushka is possible. I'll move to New Zealand. I don't see leaving on my crystal ball yet.
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Post by lwoetin on Apr 10, 2021 10:49:52 GMT -5
I got my 2nd Pfizer dose last week, then 5 days later I was working with a guy who then tested positive for covid several days later. He's in his 20's and recovering fine. I don't have symptoms so it looks like Pfizer vaccine did it's job (and us wearing masks helped). Waiting for PCR test result. It's too bad because he was looking to get a vaccine shot but the virus beat him to it.
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Post by lwoetin on Apr 10, 2021 10:21:26 GMT -5
So you think your wife is open to a sexual relationship in her future? And not interested in asexualcupid.com?
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Post by lwoetin on Apr 10, 2021 10:08:20 GMT -5
Your wife tries out new sex toys...there is hope for you. My wife would be grossed out by those..and bedroom athletics. I would think your wife would realize at some point all the good things you are providing and appreciate you. Many rocks of the boat would be useful. And you'll get some feedback afterwards as to how hopeful or dire your future is. I hope she is feeling better from her sickness.
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Post by lwoetin on Apr 7, 2021 23:35:43 GMT -5
I particularly like the last line you wrote. While we're all here because of a dead bedroom, sexless marriage, asexuality, or other equivalents, some of us, me included, aren't in a loveless marriage. I am also married to my soulmate. Would I like to have more sex? Of course, but I don't have or want an exit strategy. I don't have either as well. I'm just hoping for change (on her end). Cause nothing is constant. And might as well enjoy the present too.
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Post by lwoetin on Apr 7, 2021 23:22:16 GMT -5
See, I'm one of the cold bastards that doesn't believe in soulmates. Just good matches. And there's hundreds or thousands of them. Over teh course of marriage, you find the flaws that would clearly identify someone as not a perfect match. SO I shrug. I have things she's not thrilled with (inconveniently high libido, for one) It's an odd thing a soulmate will throw you to the curb if you have sex with a non-soulmate in order to stop harassing your soulmate. Why? How is a perfectly matched mate so intent on keeping you in constant want. Do other soulmates wake their spouse at 4am, regardless of how tired they are? Insist their spouse be on the same calorie restrictions they are? The requirement to experience, constant nagging tension is a strange price to charge for being with a soulmate. The stereotype is that when one finds one's soulmate bliss is to follow. I might ask if your current level of intimacy is not to your liking, I have found I've established a "floor" below which I will inform the Mrs. I am going to date again. She has not reduced out frequency below this minimum for a year and a half. I'm actually astonished. Perhaps I misspelled the word. I meant sole-mate. She's the only relationship I've had so she's been the best. As the world turns, we will see how all this will play out. You got your floor and I got patience. For now.
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Post by lwoetin on Apr 7, 2021 23:04:45 GMT -5
Sometimes we can get so infatuated with the idea of a soulmate that we can forget that sometimes they are not destined to be forever. foreverconscious.com/ending-a-soulmate-relationshipThank you for this link, it was well timed for me. I particularly liked point 9, which I hope to aim for just as soon as I have stopped wanting to smash his face in with a hammer. Haha. This relationship ending is so unlike what we normally read in the divorce process in our forum. "Spend time to honour all that you learnt and surround your soulmate in love and guiding light, pray that they are happy on their new journey and truly hope for the best for them." If my marriage ends, I too will strive for such a soulmate-style manner with no hammer.
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Post by lwoetin on Apr 4, 2021 1:47:56 GMT -5
So as to not hijack another's thread link even more, let me shift here to continue topic about asexuality.org with mirrororchid and others.... Great to hear the progress that you and w are making. She is making an effort and she is enjoying it. And you are Pretty Pleased. I am one of the few who want to grow to adore their spouse. I'm still waiting for the reset. haha. She is taking the asexual choice #1: Stay and figure out how to be acceptably physical. And hoping I become an asexual like her. I'm hoping for the opposite cause it is not acceptably physical at this time. I don't feel the need for a rescue line. Perhaps because the fall won't be fatal? But I don't want to fall either cause it will hurt terribly. Maybe it's not fatal because I don't think I will be jealous if she finds another more suitable. Apocrypha mentioned "a celibate partner's demand of monogamy would be more aptly described as a demand for celibacy, if they want to get real about it. So, it's down to "Have a different sexual partner" (in or out of the marriage) or "Let's be celibate forever." " which describes my dearest asexual. OK, neither choice is appealing so it needs to change to include another option. I'm not looking to check out. I'm married to my soulmate, a wonderful woman, and life is good but I can't eat my cake(?).
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Post by lwoetin on Apr 1, 2021 0:25:11 GMT -5
As baza said, I say both are right. Victims of society's expectation of monogamy when some folks just ain't built for it (or stop being suitable) are at fault (or one of multiple causes.) People in general are unaware of the prevalence of sexlessness and asexuality and thus not having had frank discussions of what to do if... Both sides would benefit from asking "If you were paralyzed from the neck down...." before saying "I do." That way the angels and weak human rutting animals can marry their own kind and avoid the pointless mess. A huge difference in the posts I skimmed is that the asexual folk recognize society's expectation and appear to largely sympathize with their more conventional spouses. Refuser indifference and/or blame, to me, makes going without so much worse. The lack of interest in solving the problem that they must be a part of, yet demanding monogamy, is a shiv to the ribs. Apocrypha notes how hard it is to make yourself sleep with someone who you're not inclined to, so that hesitance to help the refused is understandable, but I don't much think it's alright for one side to tough out the consequences of falling out of love. Unrequited love is defective before marital vows, or after. Many useful marriages can continue with unrequited love but something unusual needs to happen. (Herculean stoicism or open marriage, as two examples) You and I are both staying at the moment. But is it enough for you as is or are you staying because you are giving it a chance to get better? How much mileage can we get if our partner is doing it out of guilt and not out of enjoyment? Please correct me if she has found her groove back. Is it possible to try to enjoy sex when you don't? I don't really miss not having sex with my wife because she won't enjoy it anyway. It takes two. Then....why stay? Perhaps you count your blessings with her vs. without. These asexuals make it so difficult, Herculean.
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