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Post by lwoetin on May 21, 2016 20:36:32 GMT -5
My response was that i would not impose myself on her, if i could masturbate as often as I needed, where and when i needed. We agreed and the deal has worked well for a bit over 23 years. I am content. I am near to certain that MOST men over the age of about 55 or so are in the same situation as I am, and most end up 'handling' the problem like I do, watch porn on my computer, get aroused, and pull myself off, usually with edging for maybe an hour. 23 years is a long time. What kept you from seeking sex outside of marriage?
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Post by lwoetin on May 21, 2016 20:00:17 GMT -5
In my late 40s, with wife 18 months younger, I began reading up on Menopause. Had a fair idea on what to expect, the irregular periods and the gradual disappearance of same, the hot flushes, and so on. It all went to plan until the last period was past by about 12 months, at her age of 51 or 52. I was then about 53. I first noticed a slight lack of her usual strong enthusiasm, and that descended into a lifeless act not unlike what I would image fucking a blow up doll would be like. All i was doing was getting my rocks off, and using her pussy to do it. I knew from all my reading that this was NOT her fault, it was Mother Nature at work. Ovaries shut down, hormones stop, libido stops, sex stops. We talked about HRT, but wife had a very strong fear of it because of family tendency to breast cancer. I could not possibly suggest such a risk. Comments welcome. SS My wife warns me about menopause so I may be dealing with it in not so distant future.
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Post by lwoetin on May 20, 2016 22:18:09 GMT -5
Intimacy is being in love with each other.
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Post by lwoetin on May 20, 2016 1:17:01 GMT -5
I walked and walked and thought and thought. And stared at the waxing moon (which is gorgeous tonight where I am). Help me, cause I'm drowning over here. Very pretty writing! I should enjoy the moon and stars too. It will be difficult to show your children what love is if you don't love him anymore. It is not your fault that you don't. It should be his job to try to make you fall in love with him. I think you should tell him that you are seriously drowning and if he really tries to save you, then your marriage can survive. I don't think anyone can last until death do us part though, without feeling loved. You'll be dead way before that.
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Post by lwoetin on May 19, 2016 14:12:45 GMT -5
Don't leave LEXUS46 ! Please don't leave....(me sobbing in the corner...rocking to and fro)..... Or come back as Lexus47, OK?
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Post by lwoetin on May 19, 2016 4:20:13 GMT -5
This is an interesting response to you. It has to be more than not thinking about it since he rejects your advances. He must actively dislike it. Is he overt in his refusal? dancingbear70 When we do have sex he almost always remarks on how much he does enjoy it and says we should do it more regularly... ......There should be a law against low sex drive people pretending otherwise in order to keep their high sex drive partners happy and interested in the beginning of a relationship. He probably didn't know how low his drive was and will be in the future. When I met my wife she had high drive and she didn't know it will nose dive. What is important is how he is willing to meet your needs now. It's good you are both doing counseling to try to improve the situation. Whiskey while working in the middle of night...how is that possible? You should have my coffee and you give me the whiskey. I am not working.
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Post by lwoetin on May 17, 2016 23:15:58 GMT -5
If there is a sexual purgatory then there must be a sexual heaven to look forward to. I am sorry it ended at the hugs and kisses. Feel free to vent online. Are you drinking hot green tea? And do you have a black kitty?
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Post by lwoetin on May 17, 2016 23:03:35 GMT -5
You are staying because there is mutual love between you both. I use that strong bond of love to push and pull towards getting what I need to stay. Also we have kids so we both want our marriage to work under any circumstances. I have been faithful so I use that as leverage to make her give more. She says she doesn't want me having sex with someone else so I take advantage of that and let her help me stay faithful. I am honest with her about how I feel and how much I am able to cope and that I cannot do it alone. We go to church as a family and pray that we can make our marriage work. Our daughter helps too. I ask her what was great about her freshman year in high school and she says friends, good grades and parents still together. ILIASM site is helpful too and very thankful to folks here. I can't expect my wife to be everything I need. You have to use leverage to get sex, and you call this making it work? I shudder to think what "under any circumstances" means. Do you remember when you asked me what I would do if I get stuck in a sexless marriage? I said that I would likely survive and start an EP group called I Love in a Sexless Marriage. Well I was wrong. That approach will drive you batty. Yes, yes and yes....all is fair in love and in a sexless marriage. Being in love and in a sexless marriage is incompatible. So I use a huge lever when needed to knock some sense into my bitter half so she realizes that I am not that bad. Or I beg and go on my knees for any scraps of intimacy. I can still look in the mirror fine.
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Post by lwoetin on May 17, 2016 14:26:37 GMT -5
You are staying because there is mutual love between you both. I use that strong bond of love to push and pull towards getting what I need to stay. Also we have kids so we both want our marriage to work under any circumstances. I have been faithful so I use that as leverage to make her give more. She says she doesn't want me having sex with someone else so I take advantage of that and let her help me stay faithful. I am honest with her about how I feel and how much I am able to cope and that I cannot do it alone. We go to church as a family and pray that we can make our marriage work. Our daughter helps too. I ask her what was great about her freshman year in high school and she says friends, good grades and parents still together. ILIASM site is helpful too and very thankful to folks here. I can't expect my wife to be everything I need.
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Post by lwoetin on May 17, 2016 0:00:24 GMT -5
Hello all! Nahmastay here. I found EP in 2012 while going through a particularly rough patch. I was lurker who read into the wee hours for support. A few weeks ago I reached out to EP again and saw all of the goodbye posts and was like noooooooooo. then I saw the link to this new forum and am so thankful to have a place like this for support and sharing. So, lurker no more! Thank you and looking forward to contributing. great. I joined EP around that time too so looking forward to reading your story.
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Post by lwoetin on May 13, 2016 12:47:03 GMT -5
26 is old enough. I say Flattered.
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Post by lwoetin on May 12, 2016 13:32:58 GMT -5
My ideal is to stay with him happily. But I'm never going to get happiness here. I'm just waiting for something to happen to kick me one way or the other. We are not actually married btw. Got together in 1999. Son born 2001. Had 2002 - 2006 off... I left him due to his gambling and borrowing money and violence. He pestered me every day of that split to get back. I managed to keep myself on track with that until one weak moment and he was back. Feet under my table before I could blink. Son 2 came in 2008. Basically had no sex since. The gambling and violence has been replaced by a weed addiction. It's messy! eternaloptimism, I would like to have your name but you currently deserve it more than me! You should consider what he does for you that makes you have hope for a future together. Is he a good father, good around the house, is he dependable at work? Or potentially to be all those? I recently upset my wife because I told her I rejoined match.com and that I was unhappy at home. I did it to light a fire because I still love her. I did my homework and I think there is high probability it will result in sex/intimacy. Not sure what kind, but a kind. Right now it is no kind. I don't ask for much in that area because she is great in everything else. I don't think an open relationship would solve anything for you. You should do something that can change your partner into someone you desire or you should let him go.
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Post by lwoetin on May 12, 2016 8:00:28 GMT -5
Spending the morning watching and listening to the music you are sharing and they are powerful, even painful. We write/read stories and it's nice to connect/add meaning through your special songs. I didn't know some of the artists but they are really good, love their music. Thank you!
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Post by lwoetin on May 11, 2016 17:18:25 GMT -5
My wife was physically, emotionally, mentally, and sexually abused by her ex husband, and the invisible wounds that caused run deep. After reading this article, I gained a new sense of empathy for her problem ... deeperstory.com/the-sexy-wife-i-cant-be/Its just so very sad that having empathy for her means denying my own sexual needs. Its a place none of us want to go. I'm sorry to hear about your wife's abuse by her ex. It's good you are reading and understanding what she is going through. That is empathy. For me what is most important is that both partners are making an effort to make the marriage work no matter how bad the situation is...knowing the needs of the other and trying to meet it. I try to gauge how far I can go if she doesn't meet my sexual needs. She told me a story of her best friend who had a traumatic experience as a homestay student from japan staying in an american home. She was invited by another student to do this homestay deal. So two 18yr old japanese girls stay with a family and the guy turns out was having sex with this one student and then he kept knocking on the door of my wife's best friend because he wanted both students. the guy had a pregnant wife in the next room and he told wife she can buy whatever she wants if she doesn't say anything. Really crazy shit. So my wife tells her best friend about our marriage situation and her friend thinks I am addicted to sex. Me?? So I half-joking asked if I can have sex with another person....what would she like to buy? She said, she will just say bye...I am not stupid. I am happy with that answer. I still love her. But she needs to have empathy too. And I am hopeful that she does.
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Post by lwoetin on May 11, 2016 16:10:25 GMT -5
I am sorry but I am going to have to call bullshit. How long has it been since she fucked you? And now she wants to put conditions? Sounds like she is manipulating you to me. Can't remember anymore. Some time before Thanksgiving. She reminded me how I lacked empathy then when I made her cry because I told her she didn't need to cook the turkey if it's an excuse to be tired and not spend time together. Not that I didn't appreciate her cooking...turkey tasted great.
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