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Post by beachguy on Oct 6, 2016 9:55:43 GMT -5
Thanks bbg! Fish sticks ? I'm lost as usual It was a more meaningful experience for me. H and I had a huge fight and he was yelling at me for giving our son fish sticks before he played baseball. So I said, "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard of!" - which turned into more yelling. After the fact you said that I should have just said "Why?" - to this day still don't know that mystery. That brings our discussion back. Reading the above and remembering our discussions at the time, I can only visualize that plane in that nonrecoverable spin, seconds away from that point of no return where that parachute would be too little too late, with the audio track of a screaming WWII Stuka dive bomber. And there was so much more going on besides fish sticks. It can be argued that your response was abusive. We talk a lot about counter refusal. We don't talk enough about counter-abuse. When it would be difficult for an outsider walking in fresh to separate the abused from the abuser. That's the point where it's difficult to think above the deafening scream of that Stuka. That is where I was when I left and I think you were too. I wasn't very happy with the person I'd become.
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Post by beachguy on Oct 6, 2016 8:31:31 GMT -5
That was a tough time for you. I'm proud of how you've taken charge of your life. I had the big 6-0 yesterday, something I was dreading for s long time . No bday sex, as usual but I'm in a better place anyway A very Happy Happy Bday to you! I'm happy for you that you are in a better place, the day to day peace is better than bday sex. That's what really matters because we both know in most cases a SM is not about sex. Big Hugs Xoxo P.S. I made fish sticks before my sons baseball lesson and I thought of you. Lord I should of just said "Why?" Lol . Happy Birthday!! Thanks bbg! Fish sticks ? I'm lost as usual
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Post by beachguy on Oct 6, 2016 8:02:23 GMT -5
I never even heard of birthday sex until I got to EP. Nor did I ever get it. Or anniversary sex either. So the idea of Leap Day Sex is too mind boggling to contemplate You helped me very much that day when he forgot my bday so thank you again. You explained the plane/parachute/ downward spiral to me. As far as Leap Day Sex, that was a spur of the moment text to my AP about the opportunity in front of us in regards to the calendar and he dropped by after work. That was a tough time for you. I'm proud of how you've taken charge of your life. I had the big 6-0 yesterday, something I was dreading for s long time . No bday sex, as usual but I'm in a better place anyway
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Post by beachguy on Oct 6, 2016 7:13:07 GMT -5
Last year H forgot my bday! This year he's my ex! I did have sex for the first time on Leap Day! I never even heard of birthday sex until I got to EP. Nor did I ever get it. Or anniversary sex either. So the idea of Leap Day Sex is too mind boggling to contemplate
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Post by beachguy on Oct 5, 2016 18:49:04 GMT -5
If you are having an affair with a person who is married, what are you taking that their spouse has a right to? Sex. But if their spouse is a refuser, you are taking something that he or she doesn't want in the first place. My famous friend "Amy," who was anti-outsourcing, once compared it to driving somebody else's car without their permission. "You're upset because this other woman has a Mercedes and she doesn't even drive it. But it's still HER car, not yours." Ah, the marriage-as-property concept. I replied, "Does anybody ever ask the car what he thinks?" If I was involved with a man whose wife was a refuser, I wouldn't be taking anything away from her that she actually WANTS. And I'll bet Amy is s refuser ....
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Post by beachguy on Oct 5, 2016 15:50:50 GMT -5
Here is, perhaps, a rare and interesting insight into the mind of a dating site impersonator . Told to me by a friend of a friend, I think. But it was told to me as an absolutely true story. A guy walks into a restaurant to meet his online dating site date. He can't find her but some (not very attractive, in his eyes) unknown chick is jumping up and down in her chair and waving frantically. She explains that she used her BFF's pic in her dating site profile because she wasn't having any luck with her own pics. And she further explains that "I figured if you got to know me I would have a better chance" or something along those lines. Being a decent kind of guy he actually hung around and talked to her for an hour or two before getting the Hell Out Of Dodge I've heard of similar stories. In fact a man I went out with last week told me a very similar story. He met a women at a Starbucks, went in looked around, didn't see her so he texted her and said "I'm here". She texted back "I am too". He said she looked nothing like her profile pic and he talked to her but that was it. This same man lied to me about his marital status (divorced) and his last name. He was going to come to my place for a second meeting and I asked him for his last name XY1. I googled it, FB - came up with nothing. Well later he sent me an email and his real name showed up. Googled that, FB - Bingo! He's caught in a lie. We planned to have sex he was bringing a condom. So my bullshit alert went up and I called him out. I wrote, "Your email says your name is XY2. Why is that?". He gave a bullshit excuse. I responded with, "Take a picture of your license and text me the photo. If your name is XY1 then you need to prepare yourself to have the best sex of your life. If it's XY2 then you can go fuck yourself". He told me - Ok let's not then. I said- no problem. Ten minutes later he texted me again - Apologized, said he's just in a weird situation but he's not a bad guy and he'd like to explain it to me. I was so curious I needed to know. I'm such a curious person. Turns out he's in a SM with complications. We spoke and I told him I can be a friend to him but he needs to work his life out for his future. There's a lot of people with a lot of baggage out there and just not honest about themselves. Wow. Just wow. Not just an impersonator epidemic, it's a culture now?
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Post by beachguy on Oct 5, 2016 14:47:54 GMT -5
And what is the point of lying if you plan to eventually meet someone?! A couple of weeks back I was with a girlfriend and she was meeting someone from online at the bar where we were. She showed me his pics. Nice looking guy. Then this man walks in looking for her that didn't even resemble the picture. It wasn't an old photo. It just flat out wasn't him at all. Who does that?! Just be yourself, warts and all or what is the point. Exactly people are crazy and desperate. A lot of married people on these dating sites. Here is, perhaps, a rare and interesting insight into the mind of a dating site impersonator . Told to me by a friend of a friend, I think. But it was told to me as an absolutely true story. A guy walks into a restaurant to meet his online dating site date. He can't find her but some (not very attractive, in his eyes) unknown chick is jumping up and down in her chair and waving frantically. She explains that she used her BFF's pic in her dating site profile because she wasn't having any luck with her own pics. And she further explains that "I figured if you got to know me I would have a better chance" or something along those lines. Being a decent kind of guy he actually hung around and talked to her for an hour or two before getting the Hell Out Of Dodge
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Post by beachguy on Oct 5, 2016 8:51:29 GMT -5
It's societal, I guess but it's more accepted for an older guy to be with a younger woman than the other way around. Being my actual age, though, and yet having a "young" outlook - in the 12-step program, my home has some hot young men and I'm considering "what would be so bad" if a particular one or two ARE interested in a cougar. It's a serious question for me (for my sobriety) because using people is no longer a practice I can engage in without suffering consequences (in the case of LoverMan, it was entirely agreed upon that we were fuck-buddies but I couldn't do that with a person in my program - it wouldn't be right for either of us). I have a huge crush on a particular masseuse who is "too young for me" but who gave me a hug last weekend that I canNOT stop thinking about. Mmm. I can hardly wait for when I'll have a chance to discuss it with him. In terms of societal acceptance I'd much rather be a cougar than a lecher!!!
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Post by beachguy on Oct 5, 2016 8:41:31 GMT -5
It's societal, I guess but it's more accepted for an older guy to be with a younger woman than the other way around. Being my actual age, though, and yet having a "young" outlook - in the 12-step program, my home has some hot young men and I'm considering "what would be so bad" if a particular one or two ARE interested in a cougar. It's a serious question for me (for my sobriety) because using people is no longer a practice I can engage in without suffering consequences (in the case of LoverMan, it was entirely agreed upon that we were fuck-buddies but I couldn't do that with a person in my program - it wouldn't be right for either of us). I have a huge crush on a particular masseuse who is "too young for me" but who gave me a hug last weekend that I canNOT stop thinking about. Mmm. I can hardly wait for when I'll have a chance to discuss it with him. Fuck society. Maybe he's thinking about that hug too!
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Post by beachguy on Oct 5, 2016 7:50:18 GMT -5
....or maybe the older men have female partners that are 10 years younger! ^^^ this is a definite possibility. More lechers than cougars?
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Post by beachguy on Oct 5, 2016 7:04:20 GMT -5
Jim - I just learned a few stats in Gov't Policy the other day but this is still incomplete. Twice as many girl babies are generally born (I found that INCREDIBLE). Then for some reason the teacher didn't know, infant mortality tends to be higher in boys. AND - we send them to wars & such at a higher rate. AND the manly gender tends to be less risk-averse in sports (race cars, skydiving, etc). That info is all "stereotyping" if you look at it on an individual level, but I guess as a big-picture effect on populations, these are credible ideas. And I know that in the old folks home where my folks are, there are at least twice as many ladies as men (and it may be more off-balance than that even). So if there was ever a complete picture of "how many IS that" - then I would bet you that 2/5 of all women in this age group is a roughly SIMILAR number to 2/3 of all the men in this age group. It's just my guess. PS - do NOT give up! "There were about 125.9 million adult women in the United States in 2014. The number of men was 119.4 million. At age 85 and older, there were almost twice as many women as men (4 million vs. 2.1 million)." USA Census Bureau This supports your observation of the old folks home. Going a bit further the 2010 census show about 20.2 million females in the 60 to 75 age groups versus 18 million males. So that is 8 million females (2/5) and 12 million males (2/3) who are sexually active. Sorry, I get a bit goofy with stats and numbers when they seem wrong. Perhaps the numbers seem wrong to you because you assume strict monogamy. Assumptions are always dangerous....
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Post by beachguy on Oct 5, 2016 6:47:43 GMT -5
Yep I'm on POF and went out with a man with an old picture. We spoke on the phone a lot and the personality was good but I had zero attraction for him. I tried to not be shallow and give it another try but I had to tell him I wasn't feeling it and we could be friends. That doesn't make you shallow, it makes you realistic. Not being "shallow" would guarantee you another sexless relationship. "Everything is great except I don't have any interest in sex with {him/her}" Sound familiar?
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Post by beachguy on Oct 4, 2016 18:13:23 GMT -5
That letter is an appropriate anniversary card.
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Post by beachguy on Oct 4, 2016 18:08:54 GMT -5
That is far, far from my definition of an FWB, which is no strings attached.
Labels aside I second all the preceding regarding controlling psycho and etc. A bullet well dodged.
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Post by beachguy on Oct 4, 2016 8:07:20 GMT -5
In 20 seconds you can fall 1.25 miles and reach terminal velocity of about 200 mph as you go splat..... Ha ha ha!! Well played, my friend...well played. Well....except for the splat part. I'd pull th ripcord.... But it's all about the Ground Rush
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