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Post by beachguy on Oct 15, 2016 11:02:21 GMT -5
She can't fuck you if her toenails are chipped. Don't you know ANYTHING about women? /sarcasm off/ Apparently not! I should have offered to " paint" her toenails or give her a " facial". 😂 No, you should have scheduled an appointment after the pedicure. That would not get you laid but you would have been entertained by her squirming her way to the next excuse...
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Post by beachguy on Oct 15, 2016 10:28:46 GMT -5
A few guys on here or EP were handed the bad news by their wives that their dick was too big. Good excuse really. What's he going to say, no it's not? Yup, got that excuse too! My wife said to me "Honey, your so big that it takes me a few days to recover!" to which I responded, "Ok, so what I hear you saying is your up for twice a week. I'm good with that! It's been two months, so how about right now!" Can you believe her response was "I don't have that kinda time, I've got an appointment for a pedicure in two hours!" WTF? She can't fuck you if her toenails are chipped. Don't you know ANYTHING about women? /sarcasm off/
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Post by beachguy on Oct 15, 2016 10:08:09 GMT -5
cagedtiger : What the book probably says about the acts of service love language (I haven't read it): if you rewire the kitchen without being asked she will fuck your brains out What we know about that love language: You ain't getting any even if you remodel the entire house...
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Post by beachguy on Oct 15, 2016 9:41:47 GMT -5
A few guys on here or EP were handed the bad news by their wives that their dick was too big. Good excuse really. What's he going to say, no it's not? Yup, got that excuse too! My wife said to me "Honey, your so big that it takes me a few days to recover!" to which I responded, "Ok, so what I hear you saying is your up for twice a week. I'm good with that! It's been two months, so how about right now!" Can you believe her response was "I don't have that kinda time, I've got an appointment for a pedicure in two hours!" WTF? I think we could have an entire thread devoted to the subject of refuser excuses that are so poorly thought out they make no sense at all. And fail second grade math, such as your case of 2 days vs 2 months My stbx once blamed my father, who did not like her because he saw through her. She went on for 5 minutes about him before I stopped it, suggesting she and he needed marriage counseling but she married me, not him. To belittle your spouse is considered abusive but how do you deal with totally ridiculous excuses without crossing that threshold? My solution was to leave.
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Post by beachguy on Oct 15, 2016 7:52:44 GMT -5
A cautionary note... many here are saying "I don't care why!". Personally I do, and deeply care. For a reason. @ baza suggests the why does not matter. I think that's good advice, in the here and now, when your primary problem is extricating yourself from your sexless life, one way or the other. However, if you step back and look at the bigger picture, there's a problem with that... Some here were fighting an uphill battle from the very beginning of the relationship and their WHY is pretty simple: their partner does not like sex, did not like sex and probably never liked sex. And never will. The long term solution: find a hornier next partner. (but keep reading!) But most of us had satisfactory sex lives at least up until they were well committed into the relationship. In my case my wife fucked my brains out on my first date, but then turned off a switch literally the day after the wedding. I even demanded she live with me before the wedding, as a test drive. That didn't work out very well, did it? In other cases, the sex was good for some number of years until the partner effectively took an asexual dive. Because of this I have huge trust problems, not just with my STBX but with any future partner. I can't imagine ever getting married again because it would require an act of trust I don't think I'll ever have. For me, at age 60, it's a moot point because I don't see any compelling reason to get married again. But if I were much younger that might not be the case. Over the long haul, the WHY *DOES* matter, unless next time you are willing to just roll the dice again.
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Post by beachguy on Oct 15, 2016 0:43:27 GMT -5
My advice when you get the refusal to listen to a podcast or read a book is to turn off the tv and play it or read it aloud. Walk out? Fine, retain your equanimity, but when she returns, start playing it or reading it again. Sit on the remote, if you have too. Basically, be a pain in the butt until they read or listen. It's easier to just leave...
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Post by beachguy on Oct 14, 2016 19:42:16 GMT -5
During one of our many unproductive talks about intimacy, I mentioned to my wife that birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, as well as long weekends and vacations were a perfect time to say "I Love You" through intimacy AND other acts of kindness. I thought I was truly stating the obvious, but since many of these "sentimental days" passed us by every year without any intimacy, I felt compelled to finally make my feelings known. Well, my legal roommate of 25 years was actually floored, or at least she pretended to be. She said I get "Anniversaries and Valentine's Day, but birthdays and Christmas? Do you expect to get laid on Easter too? You expect to get off on the holiest day of the year? That's selfish and sick!" Who ever said anything about Easter, not that there is anything wrong with that. SMH 😠Whoa! And what about your marriage covenant? Does she think what she is doing is holy even for a second?! Easter is about renewal. Great day for sex between a husband and a wife. We all know some marriage vows are more equal than others....
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Post by beachguy on Oct 14, 2016 18:13:38 GMT -5
I think for my next birthday, I'm going to ask for sex. This will be a big improvement over the coffee mug I got this year. 😒 I got a lucite salt & pepper shaker for XMAS one year. It was on sale for $9.99 on Amazon. I just checked the current price is $16.99. That same year I bought her a new iPhone and lots of other stuff. My kids looked at me and said, "Dad, are you sad that you only got a salt shaker for XMAS?" I said "No, the smiles on your faces is more than enough to make me happy for another year!" The next year I got a suitcase. She has a birthday coming up. Can't decide what to get her. Would being served divorce papers be too much? 😂 You could nicely gift wrap the divorce papers I'm having a déjà Vu here... I think the idea of gift wrapped divorce papers came up on EP?
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Post by beachguy on Oct 14, 2016 15:33:09 GMT -5
JonDoe , I'm going to repeat what I often tell new people here: Re-read your story. Then ask yourself this: What about this marriage is good for *me*? And as far as the outsourcing - I can understand being cautious if you think it would make terrible trouble later on. But to be brutally honest - I don't understand why you have any moral qualms at all. This harpy you're married to is not only refusing you - she is doing it in a way that hurts you and shames you. IMHO, she deserves to have you outsource - and tell the whole world what a selfish bitch she is.0 I have read my story here and the private journals that I keep securely encrypted and password protected on my tablet and phone. The honest answer is "nearly nothing at this point". Fear of the unknown is an evil demon that stands in the way of a rich, fulfilling life for so many people, me included. So many times I have wanted to shout from the rooftops what this selfish bitch has put me through. There is a double standard out there in the "real" world though. Tell anyone outside this forum that hasn't had experience with sustained rejection in marriage that an attractive married man's wife refuses to have sex with him and people immediately assume a) he is a lousy lover, b) he has a micro-penis, c) he is fat and lazy, d) he is a cheating jerk that deserves what he gets, e) all of the above. Tell the same exact story about an attractive married woman and the responses are a) he is gay, b) he has a micro-penis, c) he is fat and lazy, d) he is a cheating jerk, e) all of the above. Notice a pattern? And just for the record none of the above apply to me. Although, I do admit to being somewhat apathetic about my career and marriage in the last few years. Can you honestly blame me? It's a sad fact of life that you'll likely never get validation from leaving her. I think it's something I just came to accept when I couldn't take another day in my marriage.
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Post by beachguy on Oct 14, 2016 13:14:17 GMT -5
Have you asked your wife if she wants an open marriage? Would you be OK with an open marriage? Your friends sound like "I'd OK with that", they may have an open marriage. It may be a solution for your marriage. I am, as far as I know, the only person my wife has had sex with. during one of our "talks" I asked her if she was bored of our sex life? If she wanted to experience sex with other men or women? I had been very sexually active before I met my wife, she hadn't. I told her I would support her and be OK if she felt like she needed to. She told me without hesitation that she had no desire to have sex with anyone else. I believe her. She just has no sexual desire. Same thought I had... Both the husband and wife were feeling him out for her
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Post by beachguy on Oct 14, 2016 13:09:35 GMT -5
Do you still love the man you are married to in the here and now? I love him like family. I have been married 22 years. My love is long term and carrying like you might feel for a dear friend. That being said, I no longer want physical affection from him. My deep need to connect and love is over. There is some comfort in the long term knowing of someone. Can you love him like you love your other family without living with him?
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Post by beachguy on Oct 14, 2016 12:47:49 GMT -5
Do you still love the man you are married to in the here and now?
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Post by beachguy on Oct 14, 2016 12:47:18 GMT -5
The perils of "Till Death Do You Apart"
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Post by beachguy on Oct 14, 2016 12:41:02 GMT -5
It's always hard to "get" the idea of being an ATM machine and household handyman. I'm actually not- we both make about the same amount, and her long-term earning potential is actually possibly higher than mine right now (Until I also do a Master's). We both work on the house and in the yard. If anything, I feel like I'm around as a roommate and sometimes companion when she doesn't want to do things alone. I didn't necessarily intend you to take that literally. However, divorce is still a 50% pay cut and one less handyman around the house. Or whatever it is that you add value to her life. If you're the one that wants out and she's the one fighting to keep you- on her terms of course, it doesn't matter much what the specific love language is. It's decidedly not touch or anything remotely related
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Post by beachguy on Oct 14, 2016 12:25:35 GMT -5
I think she is letting go of the relationship with the picture turned and her remark about you missing her is probably a guilt move. I am pondering about the idea of mismatched love languages. Oh, they're very, very mismatched and I think have been since we started dating. She claims that I've never "gotten" her, and I think honestly she's never really "gotten" me either. It's always hard to "get" the idea of being an ATM machine and household handyman.
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