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Post by becca on Nov 2, 2016 11:21:42 GMT -5
Might want to add some window tinting to those added features! Congratulations! A confident change, something fun without the wife! Though now that I remember, the last time I got hot and heavy in the back seat of a car, almost six years ago now, we were outside a busy bar on a Saturday night, and her windows weren't tinted. Granted, we did get them quite foggy...  That's what I am talking about! Congrats on the new car, CT! |
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Post by becca on Nov 2, 2016 7:55:27 GMT -5
Perfection. Almost. Needs more cowbell. |
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Post by becca on Oct 31, 2016 13:59:12 GMT -5
..how can you separate emotion from this? After all, emotions are part of why you want to leave. Frustrated, unhappy, sad, annoyed, angry, mentally and emotionally tired from the effort. If we didn't feel anything, we wouldn't want to leave in the first place. Then there is grief at leaving what you have invested years of your life, in something that ultimately failed that you wanted so much to succeed. I was so emotionally devastated and depressed that I became "paralyzed" to do anything... Couldn't agree more with you Caris.. I feel your pain, callisto. I know exactly how you feel. I think it helps to find someone that is objective, like those on this forum or close friends and family. It is near impossible to remove the emotion completely from the decision making but having people that can see beyond the fog and to the other side, even if you can't, is helpful. |
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Post by becca on Oct 31, 2016 13:55:06 GMT -5
The cruel irony of divorce is that at this time when you need as much energy as possible to get through what may be the most difficult thing you ever go through, you feel utterly depleted because, well because it's possibly the most difficult thing you ever went through. People handle their emotions in different ways, stuffing them down, observing them in a detached way, compartmentalizing them, numbing them, whatever, but they're there. And it's likely they are telling you you can't do this. You feel overwhelmed like you're trying to ride a canoe against a tidal wave. Here is where you have to trust in a basic fact of human nature: there's more if you dig deeper. Everyone has their breaking point, but it's a lot farther from here than you think. If you do whatever you do to keep your emotions from lying to you, and you take one step at a time so as to feel less overwhelmed, you will indeed look back from the other side and say how the hell did I do that? We are a resilient species. We have the ability to push ourselves farther than we think we can go. The things people survive would make you shudder. And I would guess many if not most people who have been through big events would say on the other side that they don't know how they did it. But they did. The difference between divorce and, say, a stint in the gulag or a catastrophic illness is that you don't have you go through with it. You can't make prison doors open or get back ruined parts of your body. But you can make divorce go away. It never has to happen. You can avoid this. But thinking you can't do it would be a tragic reason to reman in painful circumstances. Thank you for this @phinheasgage. I personally needed to hear every single word. I am struggling and all of this rings so true. I just need to put it on repeat. |
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Post by becca on Oct 24, 2016 8:09:54 GMT -5
I will survive this.
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Post by becca on Oct 21, 2016 19:18:51 GMT -5
cagedtiger, First off, what an amazing evening. I admire that you don't let her lack of interest keep you at home on the couch. You keep going and doing and experiencing. Her loss. It did break my heart a little to hear about your lonely experience in the middle of a crowd but then it had to be better than being "alone" in your own home. You are so young and it doesn't sound like you have children. From my point of view (almost 10 years of complete SM, sporadic before that) I just want to say "Run, CT, Run!" I do respect that you are doing what you have to do and attempting to find a resolution in therapy. For you, I genuinely hope it works. You seem so vibrant and full of life and you deserve a partner who has equal fervor and passion.
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Post by becca on Oct 19, 2016 14:50:55 GMT -5
That's exactly why they do it. But falling for it isn't empathy. Empathy is feeling what others feel. The display of sadness is fake. They're feeling rage and a strong desire to control you. An empathetic reaction would send you running away screaming because feeling what he feels would terrify you. No, manipulators can make you think you love them. When in reality they are just controlling you by taking advantage of your kind nature. Well that kind nature has to go on vacation. Exactly! They count on that kindness to manipulate us! A year ago when I told my H that I wanted a divorce he begged me to go to counseling even though I asked him 3 times to go and he wouldn't in previous years. He threatened to quit his job thinking I would get scared and back down - I didn't even respond to the text. He came home crying, begging me not do this which turned into us both crying. By the end of the week he tried to reset me and that was the one time in our marriage I got to refuse him. I was focused on myself for once in my life about what I wanted- to be FREE! Oh, bballgirl, I need your kind of strength. |
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Post by becca on Oct 19, 2016 14:47:35 GMT -5
Welcome, catonapillow. I have to be completely honest here and say your post scared the bejeezus out of me. The thought of traveling this road again in a new relationship and being denied and neglected again is frightening. I feel your pain. It sounds like your new man may need to just put his ego aside. What a gift you are offering him to guide and teach him the ways to please a woman. Most men would die for that! Also, he could be suffering from Low T and that is easily fixable but again, requires him to put his ego aside. He needs to at least be willing to listen to you and toss out his "movie sex" ideas. If you want 20 minutes of kissing foreplay, then he should damn well be willing to offer you that. It is a partnership. It sounds like you love this man so I hope that you are able to find answers for your situation. For what it is worth, you are definitely in a place with people who understand and empathize with you. |
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Post by becca on Oct 19, 2016 10:53:54 GMT -5
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Post by becca on Oct 18, 2016 16:01:39 GMT -5
That, wewbwb, is the most friggin amazing thing I have heard in a long time. Thanks for sharing. I also just listened to the Freddie Mercury/David Bowie piece above it. My ears are happy now. |
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Post by becca on Oct 17, 2016 14:11:42 GMT -5
Money, money, money,= control. Another issue in ending our marriage I did go to a funeral (on my B.D. The closure was good for me). Of a friend who was married with three young daughters. She died at age 40 in a tragic accident, in there own yard. I watched her daughter when she was one years old while volunteering at church. She was president of M.O.P.S. (Mothers Of Pre Schoolers) She will be greatly missed by anyone who knew her. A radiant fun loving person. A light in a dark place. Her and her husband worked thier way up to owning and and operating a very large thrift store. She would greet their customers with " let me help you find your treasure today". So,yes, other people with other problems. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. What a tragedy for all her friends and family. |
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Post by becca on Oct 14, 2016 19:04:21 GMT -5
During one of our many unproductive talks about intimacy, I mentioned to my wife that birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, as well as long weekends and vacations were a perfect time to say "I Love You" through intimacy AND other acts of kindness. I thought I was truly stating the obvious, but since many of these "sentimental days" passed us by every year without any intimacy, I felt compelled to finally make my feelings known. Well, my legal roommate of 25 years was actually floored, or at least she pretended to be. She said I get "Anniversaries and Valentine's Day, but birthdays and Christmas? Do you expect to get laid on Easter too? You expect to get off on the holiest day of the year? That's selfish and sick!" Who ever said anything about Easter, not that there is anything wrong with that. SMH 😠Whoa! And what about your marriage covenant? Does she think what she is doing is holy even for a second?! Easter is about renewal. Great day for sex between a husband and a wife. |
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Post by becca on Oct 14, 2016 18:56:47 GMT -5
She has a birthday coming up. Can't decide what to get her. Would being served divorce papers be too much? 😂 Perhaps on a lucite tray? |
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Post by becca on Oct 14, 2016 16:13:58 GMT -5
Happy birthday greatcoastal and belated Happy birthday to solodriver (sorry was dealing with a little storm then!) My H threw a huge surprise party for me on my 40th. Friends and family came in from all over the country. I just remember thinking, "Oh, I am definitely having sex tonight" We actually did have sex somewhere around that birthday but not that night. He acted offended I asked. Hadn't he done enough for me? It was a day or two after when we actually had sex and that was the very last time. For so long I honestly thought it was me. I wasn't pretty enough, thin enough, good enough, patient enough, engaged enough, driven enough. Now I just think, "Enough!" Ditto JonDoe Every day is a good day for sex! |
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Post by becca on Oct 13, 2016 12:03:29 GMT -5
Just because...
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