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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 4, 2024 17:11:33 GMT -5
umm.... won't you run into the same problem/ Demographics? No one "pro" lives anywhere near you. I am not looking for an escort in her 70's. The oldest escort I have seen is someone in their mid40's. She would suit me just fine. And her pricing is about 1/2 that of the 25-35 aged ladies Actually there are 2 mid size towns about 30 miles from me. Both seem to have a fair # of escorts. So I think I can get my oil changed without having to go too far. It's been a while so I need to review the current pricing and availability for the various ladies. Funny isn't it, that escorts seem to be available, but no women in my age demographic are to be found. Perhaps baseballgirl had it right when she said "good p*ssy ain't cheap".
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 4, 2024 10:14:20 GMT -5
I spent a good portion of the weekend viewing photos of women at POF. Total waste of my time. I must have viewed a thousand pictures of women. Turns out only one or 2 were in my age demographic and none lived within 40 miles of me. For me at least, dating sites aren't likely to be my solution in my search for a partner. Between POF and OurTime I guess I have viewed 2-3000 women. Less than 10 in my age demographic lived anywhere near me. Sooooo.....
I am back to considering finding a good and reasonable "pro" to take care of me. Once again I am going to start looking through the escorts sites. My 1st question to myself is just how young should be my stopping point? Most of the ladies are between 25 and 35 .Once pricing has been evaluated where should I attune my thoughts? Any advice about my choosing approach anyone?
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 4, 2024 9:37:35 GMT -5
If you look hard enouh there is almost always a bright side to everything... Attachments:
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 4, 2024 6:14:00 GMT -5
Why are you selling your happiness and emotional health for 30 pieces of silver? Likewise, if I give my wife 10 years of savings, then that is 10 years longer that I must work to have the same quality of retirement. I may not be so attached to the bank balance, but I’m very attached to having my retirement years. DC DC---you are a pretty savy money guy, but I think you have this wrong. Sounds like your plan is to stay and not be seperated from your treasure because of retirement concerns. So you endure years, perhaps additional decades of misery and when you retire what do you have. The refusing hateful W is still there making you miserable. If you seperate/divorce then you will probably be seperated from an even larger piece of wealth. My thoughts are it is best to take the hit early in the asset accumulaton process, rather than later.
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 1, 2024 14:01:43 GMT -5
I won't lie, I'm tempted but won't for a few reasons. 1) my dad cheated on my mother and I know the effect it had on my mom. They however were sexually active so I don't know what the motivations were there. 2) I don't want to keep things secret. 3) The pool of women that would be willing to be the "other woman" for a 47 year old, short dad bod guy is very limited. Your mom and your W are of different generations. And as you say, your parents were not in a SM, so I don't see the comparison as being valid. No need to keep things secret. If you have the "talk" in which a FWB is on the table for you , it might be possible to bring the "don't ask, don't tell " option into play for the both of you. Just a thought. And as far as the pool of woman available for you. At 47 I should think it would ba a fairly large one. Get that dad bod into fighting condition, so if the opportunity comes round, you wil be ready.
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 1, 2024 10:01:52 GMT -5
Its a good video. It's all true. "What I want matters". This is really then core of the issue. But I've been conditioned my whole life to put others needs ahead of my own. And I realize now this this is part of the problem (I've watched a lot of videos now about being more assertive). So this why it feels so wrong to walk away, it seems like the ultimate selfish act because it's only me that would benefit. Intellectually I know that the intimacy I want will never happen with my wife, she's made it clear that she simply can't understand why physical intimacy is important. But even with that knowledge my feeling is to keep trying and hope that something can be rekindled. I know at some point I need to walk away but it's so final, that last step is truly giving up. When I finally do reach that final step I'll at least know that I tried and I gave her the chance to come around. it seems like you are forgetting there is option 2 in the list of choices you have. That being to do as the author of the video above did, open up the marriage. She had the "talk" with her H and came to know that like your W, there would be no more sex with this person. I would hope you could have the same talk with your W. Then set about the process of opening the marriage and finding a partner to share your need for intimacy. If your W will not go along with opening the marriage then you will need to open the marriage without her consent. I know it risks all sorts of potential disaster, but we are talking about the rest of your life. Will you live it or will you give it away to someone who has no love or feelings for you?
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 28, 2024 10:09:54 GMT -5
jim44444,...I lasted a bit longer than you did. But I wasn't very far into this video when I concluded it was mostly BS and clicked off. I feel sorry for any guy who takes this womans advice to heart. He is likely to have a short and not so sweet experience with the women he is trying to romance.
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 27, 2024 13:52:36 GMT -5
I can see your point of view, but I wonder if your W wouldn’t allow the outsourcing thing because she feared that a FWB may well prove a more enticing overall package for you. Allowing it risked her losing you to another woman which might be harder for her than losing you with some dignity of choice. Just a thought. When I discussed this with my X I tried to assure her that I would not be leaving her for another woman. I still loved her and assured her that I didn't think those feelings would change. I just wanted a woman that mirrored my desire for intimacy. A married woman would be my 1st preference. If we were both married there would be little danger of both of us falling for the other and both of us being willing to leave our spouses. Now there is no guarantee of that outcome, but I felt I could handle my emotions such that it was highly unlikely. My X also saw and still sees herself as an 'Alpha" woman. So in retrospec I think it is more a matter of pride. She could not tolerate another woman perhaps being fuc*ed all around her home. Just the thought of that possibility would be enough for her to put the kibosh on my proposal.
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 27, 2024 7:23:10 GMT -5
I have to wonder if the author's AP thinks this is a good setup. A life partner and lover complete his world. Multiple times here on ILIASM, refused wives want their live in partner to be their lover, hard stop. jerri , at last check, was making this type of marriage work though. Maybe if more couples end up in negotiated infidelity situations, more will come to want it? If my now X would have been accepting of a FWB for me I might well still be married to her. She was a good housemate. Great at keeping the place clean, helping with maintenance when I needed it. Very good at planning and organizing vacations or other travel. But as a lover,...not so much. I still do not understand why she would rather be divorced and live alone than just looking in the other direction so I could still enjoy intimacy with a woman. Cost her nothing. Makes no sense to me.
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 26, 2024 18:18:15 GMT -5
aquacat,...I am in the boat with Missingout. My thought is that she may actually want you to call it quits. It gives her the get out of jail free card and it makes you the bad guy. I'm thinking she knows exactly where she is steering the marriage car.
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 26, 2024 11:32:28 GMT -5
I'm starting to get to that point with my wife as well. During our discussion yesterday I told her that we have more of a friend or familial type relationship more than anything. She loves me but I don't think it's in the romantic se his new cardiologist wants him to have a procedure that by researching seems very effective and would eliminate some of his medications namely the one that killed any chance of an erection. i wondered if this was new talked to a nurse friend who said nope been around and was surprised no one else offered this option to hubby.... i keep asking when is this happening ?... what does he look forward to IF it work well?.... he said walking the dog .... seriously not sex not anything with me....... but playing with the dog. playing with the dog ? ....darn toughtiger, you can't win for losing....
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 24, 2024 8:08:37 GMT -5
Even if you are on the right track you will get run over if you just sit still.....Will Rogers
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 24, 2024 7:50:37 GMT -5
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 23, 2024 8:40:44 GMT -5
Mixed messages tonight. Although she never answered my message about getting together she was very close to me tonight at our youth thing. I was supervising a group and she was standing beside me talking about stuff, I would back away a bit because she was getting close enough that I felt uncomfortable with the kids around and each time I moved a bit away she kept moving closer and smiling. Still haven't actually gotten a clear green or red light. Time to define where you want to things to go. I would be telling her that you are attracted to her. And I would say to her I hoped she felt attracted to me. If not, then just let her know you will be keeping some physical distance from her so you will not be temped to do or say something that might make her uncomfortable. That puts the ball in her court. I remember back in the EP days several women commented about men failing to be agressive enough. The result was after what they considered a suitable amount of time passed and the men not actively pursueing them, the man was friend zoned.
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Post by worksforme2 on Feb 23, 2024 8:32:26 GMT -5
Update - OK, so got the news about my Low T, we start marriage and sex therapy today. Last night was cuddles and she engaged in laying on me, shirt up naked back rub. I hope that we are now having open conversation and addressing the hormonal elephant in the room without her usual anger - that we can finally get her to take having her hormones checked and addressed. Our therapist is very pro sex, and I am sure that my Wife will not want to hear that starving me for what essentially is SM for 15 years did nothing to help maintain my testosterone also (not the sole reason, but less sex, means less T generally). I hope your wife will get her hormone levels checked, and I am glad you had yours checked and are looking into treating yours. I posted in your other thread but I am also on TRT. I have asked my wife over and over again to go have her hormones checked and she just won't do it. After learning of my low T and doing TRT, I ask my then W to have her hormones checked. She replied, her hormones are fine. So I ask her to consider taking medication to boost her libido on an "as needed" basis. She refuse saying that she took enough medicine to treat her high blood pressure. It's a small sample but when adding in the male refusers here who will not address their ED problems, it seems to make a case for our refuser being perfectly content not needing or wanting sex with us to the extent that they are unwilling to do anything that might result in actual sex happening. And just for the record, my X has not dated or had sex since our seperating 8-9 yrs ago. She did have her one ovary removed.
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