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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 14, 2023 20:03:43 GMT -5
welcome lonelygirlciry,...I was married to my refuser for 6 yrs., 7 counting the year waiting for the divorce to be finalized. i never watched porn until the last 3 yrs when my then W ended the intimacy in the marriage. Porn was a stress reliever for me. I think it actually helped me along in realizing if I was to have sex in my life again it woulds have to be with another partner. I really only watch porn when I am without a partner, unless she wants to watch it with me. And I never feel sad. I feel aroused.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 14, 2023 7:16:24 GMT -5
Thing is, if I start dating again and she has no sex drive then I’m not interested. I had a pretty good wife minus the fact she never wanted sex and spent all our money on herself. Not being broke and doing whatever I want has been pretty nice, it’s just boring. I finally found a site where there are is a fairly large community of females in my age demoghaphic and who actually live reasonably close to me. It's Our Time. So far several ladies have reached out to me and I have initiated several conversations. A couple look to be promising. One lady i am talking with (1st conversation) was also in a SM. When the conversation turned to sex she was very forthcoming on what she likes. She emphasised there are alot of things partners can do with each other. So this looks pretty promising. I have high hopes for a couple of the other ladies as well. Time will tell.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 12, 2023 17:16:27 GMT -5
Quick update, I tried the .25ml dose, and, my God!!! Took a while to go down, a little over an hour but, wow! I havenèt been that hard for a long time.k I had the same experience when I injected the .2 ml. I was so hard i could have driven a 16 penny nail through a 2x4 with my penis. Unfortunately the high a dose made my erection nearly impossible to deflate. I dropped my dose back to .o5 and that did a pretty good job. Not as hard or large as the ,2ml but after ejackulating my erection started to deflate and within an hour or so I was well on the way to being flacid. I will be sticking with that dose I think. How much are you paying for your medication? My cost is $90 for what I think is 1ml. If I buy 2 then the price goes to $80 each. if I can stay at the .05 dosage then that will work out to 20 shots /vial or $4 each. Pretty reasonable for a nice bone.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 12, 2023 7:46:08 GMT -5
welcome to the site memyselfandi,...One of the things that added to the ending of my SM was the lack of intiomacy. Not just the sex, but the pushing away I experienced from my then W. My SM was relatively short compared with most members here, just a few years, but it was long enough that I can empathise with anyone feeling neglected and abandonded by their spouse when it comes to sex or intimacy. I don't read any why chasing in your post, and that is probably good. I'm guessing you have had talks with your W about how her actions or inactions are affecting you and the marriage. How has she responded or replied to you during and after those talks?
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 11, 2023 17:05:25 GMT -5
Thanks. that is real helpful advice. Something else recommended by my urologist is a device somewhat like a cockring, it does seem to be pretty effective. www.xialla.comI got some additional advice from my Urologist following a near trip to the ER when once again my erection did not want to go away. Using an ice pack on the penis and also applying it at the taint area. He also recommended taking a cold shower if the Sudagess and ice pack didn't do the job.If all three fail it is off to the ER.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 11, 2023 17:00:05 GMT -5
Correct,...an injection. The Urologist did not mention trying a topical ointment. I am speculating that after the evaluation and given my age the injection was most approprite for me. This is just speculation on my part. I would try a topical ointment if I could have some faith in its working. TriMix is a proven work horse for men with real ED issues. With the injection my partner would have no contact with the medication.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 11, 2023 16:50:25 GMT -5
I am not proud of it but I am in the "cheat" category. Sadly, since 2012 ish with different people. I have been hesitant to talk about that much because I judge myself pretty harshly for it and done need help. However, the person I have now has been building me up to believe in myself again. I feel less... lost... less empty.... less broken. This subject needs its own post and I wish I had saved everything from Experience Project aka EP. Alot of my raw hurt and torment was written there and I know others feel just as I did then. You may not be proud, but i would say you have no reason to be ashamed either. If I had had the opportunity during the final year of my SM, I would not have hesitated to welcome a new partner into the bed I once shared with my then W. Since my divorce I have been fortunate enough to have had 2 partnes in that bed. And if fate has one fair bone in its body there will be other ladies sharing that same bed with me in the future.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 10, 2023 8:18:21 GMT -5
My X never specifically apologized, but she did acknowledge the way she was behaving by saying, "she was a good person, just not a good wife". This post is the 1st time I have read of you having a lover who keeps you satisfied. Good for you. I still at times wish my X had been willing to go along with me having a FWB. It might have taken the pressure off both of us and maybe even saved the marriage. But she was too much an Alpha woman to allow another woman to have the sex she herself didn't want.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 9, 2023 8:09:08 GMT -5
mirrororchid beat me to this line of though. This marriage sounds like it is headed for the ditch. It reads like both of you are so hell bent on having your way. The normal compromises necessary to partner are missing. I don't see much communicating going on, just resistance. I would emphatically go on record advising against making babies with this woman. Controlling actions on the part of the refusing spouse are a common feature in a SM. It looks like the controlling attitudes go both ways here. Like mirrororchid I'm wondering if the better choice here is to release each other to persue more suitable mates before much more time passes.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 5, 2023 8:40:27 GMT -5
Some "why chasing" isn't necessarily irrelevant. If he is hiding another relationship or possibly a medical condition, that might explain his lack of interest in intimacy. Then I would say that would be some important info to know. He was upset that I even said that and says if he didn't want me or to be with me he wouldn't but his actions are what I see. When it comes to a SM one really needs to place far more weight on what one's refuser does, rather than what they say. I had a # of talks with my X about the state of our marriage and how unhappy I was with her actions and lack of addressing what I saw as detrimental to the marriage. She always seemed contrite and even apologetic about what was happening on not happening. And she said on several occasions she would try to do better and be more receptive. Unfortunately it didn't happen other than the reset sex that followed. It seems from the readings here that the only time real change comes about is when the refusing spouse looks at the calandar and sees an apointment scheduled with an attorney, or you actually show them the door. And in some cases they would rather divorce than engage in sexual activity. That was the case with my now X.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 2, 2023 9:56:13 GMT -5
onempty,...things really change once you pass the 60 mark. Looking at bio's on 1 escort site, one lady had certain physical limitations for a potential client. No one over 250 pounds and no one over age 60. I'm 74. I have told this story a # of times because I think it is relevant to men. On my dorm floor in college there was a guy in pre-med. I am being kind when I say as to looks he was challenged. And he was pretty thin so clearly not the most appealing apple on the tree. But at dances, ball games etc. he always had a fine lady on his arm. So I ask him his secret. He replied " when it comes to women, it's not your physique that counts, it's your technique". I have learned over the decades he was right. You are on the right track I think in losing weight, and updating your wardrobe. Improve those things that you can, like having several of the current popular cologns. Find some interesting conversation starters. In our age demographic the % of women who are still interested in intimacy is pretty low. Menopause usually knocks that off their priority list. Most seem to be more interested in riding around on an empty ocean on a really big boat. But there are still some who are. We just have to find them. Dating sites may well be the last place we should be looking. So many women there really are not interested in intimacy .They just want valadation they are still attractive. Message them and it's unlikely you will get a reply. I am going to do more hunting in places that women frequent. The grocery store was always a fertile and target rich environment for me. I am also going to begin going to a local winery that has free entertainment (mostly music) on Thursday in the early evening. I am also doing some physical improvement things. I am lifting weights again. I am also looking after my home a little better. It'e important to not give up and don't berate yourself if you are not amoung the top 10% in the looks department. Most of the women in our age demographic will have flaws that they worry about.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 2, 2023 9:09:01 GMT -5
Me either. He has always been so attached to his phone. He wasn't angry, just here. Didn't ask why nothing. So either there is nothing there or it's hidden really well. IDK. It is a worry that he didn't get defensive or ask any questions. I guess it goes back to what my problem was for many years: "why" chasing. We try so hard to figure out why, when it's really irrelevant at the end of the day. Some "why chasing" isn't necessarily irrelevant. If he is hiding another relationship or possibly a medical condition, that might explain his lack of interest in intimacy. Then I would say that would be some important info to know.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 1, 2023 7:03:52 GMT -5
Since I have been thinking about perhaps engaging with a "pro" to get my needs met I have read a # of profiles put up on Escort websites. I should not have been surprised but I was somewhat when noting the population of trannies. The # isn't outragous overall, but it is higher than I expected. A lot of bi-suxal women was no surprise, but the trannies is intrigueing.
WAIT....did I mean to say that?
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 1, 2023 6:48:01 GMT -5
Just making sure I get you.... Once you are intimate, you are exclusive? Or you can be intimate before you agree to exclusivity? When the two bailed on you, they understood you were not intimate, they just wanted someone more desperate than you were? (What kind of checklist do they think they are making for themselves?) I can and often have been intimate with a woman before agreeing to exclusivity. I seem to be prewired toward one woman at the time. I was different in my youth but we are talking about the today me. Now I lean toward exclusivity if for no other reason that I am a fan of fairness. If 2 or more women are in my stable I would have to be OK with my female partner having a couple stallions grazing in the meadow. They didn't ask if I had been intimate with the other ladies. Just the presence was enough to torpedo the relationship. As to their checklist, I didn't inquire. A woman's rulebook is up to her. Perhaps it often explains why so many attractive women are on a dating site for an extended time period before frustration finally sets in and they cease their attempts at having a male partner in their lives. I am a big fan of communication. I rarely just take things for granted when i am dating a woman or agreeing to enter into a relationship. I want to know a lot about the other person, so I ask a lot of questions and have a lot of conversations. Two failed marriages will put one in that mindsat.
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Post by worksforme2 on May 31, 2023 8:44:09 GMT -5
He usually has it in his hand, pocket or within line of sight. He leaves it in the bathroom or the bedroom charger when in the shower but it has a passcode on his phone. Of course he says it does so that if it's dropped on his jobsite (construction) no one can get his personal details. Why would he need to cheat? That's what I ask myself. If you have a willing partner at home. Maybe don't even want to know. Why would he want to cheat? There are numerous reasons people choose sex outside the marriage. From reading your posts I would conjecture that if he is cheating it is because he doesn't love you. He see you as a good roommate, house keeper and source of income. You make possible the things he could not have if you were not in the picture. But he isn't sexually attracted to you. Most of us here have ask ourselves why our spouses choose (chose) not to be intimate with us. We want it and we want it often. But they don't. In my own case I think menopause played the major role in the demise of our intimacy. Along with the support of her girlfriends, most of whom were then and are now without partners, she decided we were past the time for it. I am afraid that like me if you still want intimacy in your life it will of necessity have to come from somewhere other than your spouse. If that idea does not appeal to you then you are left with 2 choices. Stay and expect things to continue as they are, or seperate and still continue to be sexless in all probability. Sorry, but that's the way it reads from my vantage point.
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