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Post by 3000more on May 31, 2016 14:03:25 GMT -5
bballgirl, I think I'll mine your conversations for some other nuggets and make a little manual on here for priceless quotes to use in conversation with your refuser.
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Post by 3000more on May 31, 2016 14:01:20 GMT -5
If you're prepared for the conversation that will likely follow, go for it. Not prepared just yet, but when I am I'm pulling that line out!! Absolutely, when you're ready its priceless.
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Post by 3000more on May 31, 2016 13:44:17 GMT -5
3000more You think I should use that line on him?? LOL! If you're prepared for the conversation that will likely follow, go for it.
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Post by 3000more on May 31, 2016 12:25:08 GMT -5
OMG bballgirl you are the queen of the awesome quotes "it's restitution for your pussy!!" 3000more Isn't she though??!!! lol! Yes, every couple of days she comes out with a Zinger
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Post by 3000more on May 31, 2016 12:11:38 GMT -5
My guess is shop for clothes, a little retail therapy! Maybe you should up your game to get him talking - really go on a shopping spree and when he complains about the amount of money you're spending tell him it's restitution for your pussy!! You know I'm totally joking but it's kind of funny! OMG bballgirl you are the queen of the awesome quotes "it's restitution for your pussy!!"
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Post by 3000more on May 31, 2016 1:34:16 GMT -5
I dream of one day having the woman I'm waking up with whisper in my ear, "come and fuck me in the shower." That's hot as hell!
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Post by 3000more on May 30, 2016 21:08:24 GMT -5
Does that have anything to do with an ant's batting average?
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Post by 3000more on May 28, 2016 2:34:13 GMT -5
I wonder, about all the people that post here and posted on EP, how many later decided to get a divorce? What the ratio would be? More men, or women? And who initiates a divorce more often, men or women? I can answer that last one, it's typically women who initiate divorce. You can google that and find good stats to back it up. Men are statistically more likely to be unfaithful and therefore find "creative" ways to stay in a sexless marriage. Women are statistically less likely to have sex outside the marriage so maybe that's one reason they would initiate divorce. I won't presume to speak for any of the other women here, but I wouldn't consider being unfaithful. It's just not for me. I'd divorce first and then move on. Damnit!!! just kidding
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Post by 3000more on May 27, 2016 16:26:29 GMT -5
I wish I could link to my old stories on EP for those who might be interested. Long story short, I was married for 7 years (together for 9.5) to a man who turned out to be, as I learned on EP, deeply passive aggressive. Not a bad person, not evil, but totally wrapped up in his own issues, his own anger, his own entitlement and completely unable to take responsibility for or even recognize any of it---including when I tried to force him to, which of course just made it worse. During this marriage, I learned a lot about human nature and psychology. I figured out from a book that his crazy mother had a textbook case of narcissistic personality disorder. I learned from a therapist that mine has Borderline. I realized that the essential question in all dysfunctional relationships is not "why do they treat me this way?" it's "why do I let them?" Once I saw this pattern of dysfunction I couldn't stop seeing it. My ex-husband is not at all my mother on the surface, but they are/were both relationships in which the other person's needs and emotions ALWAYS took precedence over mine. In fact, that I even have any subjective experience of the relationship, or that I have my own emotional life, or that they could affect me negatively---and that they should care if they do!---is not a reality for them. It may look different, but the feeling I always had of walking on eggshells, being what I called "the emotional cruise director" of their bad/volatile moods, worrying about setting them off, etc is essentially the same. The way I've come to describe this paradigm is "being in someone else's movie." In each case, I feel like the other person gave me a script that I am supposed to read, which I'm not allowed to deviate from because it's THEIR MOVIE. I'm definitely not allowed to improvise or ad lib and if I do, I get punished in some way. It's a form of control, plain and simple. What I finally FINALLY have gotten in a very deep way is that I don't have to read anyone else's script. I don't have to play the role they've designed for me. I can be in my own movie, or we can be in the same one, but only if we are truly collaborating on the outcome. I'm tired of being controlled and forced into acting out roles I never even (consciously) signed up for. Apparently I DID in many cases choose to play it, and did so for a long time. But I'm done with that now. During this crazy period I met my current husband who could not be more opposite. He's amazingly sensitive, generous, thoughtful, and respectful of me in all ways. And like me, he grew up around some crazy, so he was also trained from birth to worry about everyone else's emotional needs before his own. It's been very helpful to both of us to mirror each other and help the other STOP enabling the bloodsuckers in our lives, whether they are in the form of dysfunctional relationships, dead end jobs/projects, annoying clients, whatever. We are both FINALLY learning to pay attention when we have that icky, uncomfortable feeling about someone or some situation and not rationalize it, justify it or ignore it. In the past few years while my life was imploding and getting rebuilt in this new, much healthier form, I noticed that the person I used to consider my best friend was growing more distant. She lives in another country, and we've been friends since we were 15 so it's gone up and down over the years, and I didn't really take it that seriously. But now that time has passed and I've rid myself of so many draining people and situations, I see how closely my friendship with her resembles these other relationships. I spend so much time worrying why she's acting weird, is she mad at me, why is she down, don't bring up that topic because it might set off one of her hang ups or insecurities, etc etc. And what's clear is IT'S SO MUCH WORK TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER. What am I even getting out of this relationship at this point? Now that I have a real live toddler to take care of, I don't have the energy or desire to caretake a grown woman's emotional needs. No more. So I guess what I've learned is that for some of us, we choose to repeat patterns over and over, patterns we learned in childhood or patterns we fell into. But we don't have to. Getting divorced is a huge loss but also a huge liberation, especially if it helps you see where you are mindlessly repeating the same mistakes. And we don't have to! After a certain amount of loss (and for me the last few years have been a freaking BONANZA of loss), it's not that scary to let go anymore. I survived so many things already and I'm happier now than ever. The more dysfunction I get rid of, the lighter I feel. I don't have to read anyone else's script anymore. Hope that is useful to someone else! Thanks for writing that, it is very interesting. Good for you. You sound great.
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Post by 3000more on May 27, 2016 14:10:19 GMT -5
anniec, reading all of the opinions and questions and theories can get confusing, but it's really clear from this outsider's perspective. The marriage needs to end for full fulfillment and happiness for you and your child.
A.Only reason to stay is for the money, but you'll have to find physical companionship elsewhere. You'll then be at a disadvantage, if he can prove it in a divorce. None of us mourn loss of things do we? We mourn loss of human relationships and pets and you can't buy authentic love from either. B. Leaving sooner and reestablishing your career will get you and son on the way to happiness and contentment sooner than later and you won't have to say, "I should have done this years ago," when you finally do it, which you will because there will come a day when you are just plain DONE, WORN OUT, TIRED OF BEING A DOORMAT. There is a much better partner out there for you. What happens if the superstar employer who will hire you back dies, gets sick, sells. Get back now, so you can establish your place.
If husband eventually makes the money you think he will, he can come and get son on a private jet and go to the Caribbean 5 times a year, face-time daily, and buy a vacation house down the street for holidays. While son and Dad are having their time together, you'll have complete freedom to shag the man who worships you, and treats you equal or better, and you'll have the personal satisfaction/self esteem of accomplishing things professionally and personally.
That's my unsolicited opinion. Run...sister...run.
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Post by 3000more on May 27, 2016 13:08:15 GMT -5
Funny - Intelligent - Accepts me I have that from friends. Humor, smarts and comfort are not hard things to find. Seriously and with no disrespect your husband is extremely selfish. You end up in the hospital because of him and he is not willing to put in any effort. Fuck him!! Find your strength and go after your peace. Here's the thing you want to be with someone that wants to be with you. That's what you deserve. Some men don't like sex with a woman and their reset sex sucks! The same way I don't want to go to a concert with someone that isn't into music, I don't want someone in my bed that isn't into worshipping pussy the same way I would for them. Sorry for the little hijack, but this is such a beautiful quote I wanted to bring some attention to it, "I don't want someone in my bed that isn't into worshipping pussy the same way I would for them."
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Post by 3000more on May 25, 2016 20:57:59 GMT -5
Oh absolutely. There are folks here that I feel like I've known a long time. The kind of friends that if they called you at midnight with car trouble, you would go help them without hesitation, and make sure everyone is safe. Too bad everyone is so spread out all over. Ya being spread out is a side effect of our condition. Bada...Bum Here all week folks!
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Post by 3000more on May 21, 2016 18:05:35 GMT -5
Hi worksforme2 I guess that is exactly how it might go here too. He would say no to an FWB then still keep refusing. He gotta go! My personal belief and practice is that if you live with the rule that you can't change anyone PERIOD, life could become happier, easier and more fulfilling! My very humble opinion, worth what you've paid for it.
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Post by 3000more on May 20, 2016 16:08:58 GMT -5
I couldn't care less if he's hairy or smooth. I love men. I would draw the line if he was like werewolfian in hairiness though. And the pubes need to be kept in check length wise of course!! Bravo, Bravo, Bravo
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Post by 3000more on May 19, 2016 14:41:57 GMT -5
I'm sorry you're going through such a shitty divorce. It sounds like he might need to be fitted for some concrete boots and take an escorted walk to a large body of water! I'm with JMX in that your "Fuck Him Up" might be others, slap him around a bit. Sounds like it might be time to take off the gloves and have him beat to a blood pulp by your attorney. Get downright mean!!!! Mindfuck him back. I hate these assholes who make life so hard for the goddamn mother of their children, hello you dumb bastard, what do you think the children are going to think of you when they find out the truth.
My brother was divorced a couple years ago and he was a complete asshole to my SIL and twin nephews. Still is. The fan's going to reverse on him when the shit starts flying in the long run and he'll be wondering why he doesn't have two son's who don't give a crap about him, and their uncle (me) who has supported them, will be standing next to them feeding the fan with more shit.
Retain your integrity through it all and take off the gloves, sister.
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