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Post by 3000more on Jul 18, 2016 18:16:47 GMT -5
Leaving aside the reckless driving part, I am thinking: I have just spent 3 hours talking with somebody I really like, they have agreed to have dinner with me, I am about to go out on a first date, I am so excited I just have to ... fall asleep. How would you even do that without being brain dead or there being drugs involved? Yeah or maybe alcohol. Huge red flag! Totally dodged that bullet!! That's the definition of "Not Meant To Be!"
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Post by 3000more on Jul 15, 2016 18:39:44 GMT -5
As for the thought of not needing to provide sex statement, I couldn't disagree more. That's exactly the reasoning refusers use(not saying your are a refuser). Both husband and the wife have a responsibility to meet the other's needs. When they meet these needs, they should do so with love and a enthusiasm. And I would argue that if any of the refused gentlemen on here are of the mindset that "she oughta be providing," it's a pretty safe bet, there isn't much being provided. I think expecting it is the beginning of trouble. It should be freely given and if not, something's amiss and has to be figured out first. And, no I'm not the refuser. Bu then, why would I be here if I were? "why would I be here if I were?" you could be a spy...
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Post by 3000more on Jul 13, 2016 15:46:18 GMT -5
Absolutely. That's the least I could do to provide comfort to a fellow sufferer.
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Post by 3000more on Jul 13, 2016 14:12:08 GMT -5
Can I give you a hug? I feel your pain. I need a hug. Thank you. :-( You need a hug, with your ass squeezed by both hands while hugging.
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Post by 3000more on Jul 7, 2016 18:42:28 GMT -5
Oh Caris ! Good to see you back I wish for you a fun, gay best friend. Platonic, male, no strings attached, maybe not cold at all! Well, at least I would prefer a gay best guy friend over an asexual. So good to see you back though! Summer "looks" good on you! JMX you nailed it.
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Post by 3000more on Jul 7, 2016 14:02:05 GMT -5
Geez, this brought back a memory for me Brother lwoetin. - Back in March 09 I attended my Brothers 40th wedding anniversary. I attended solo (as me and my missus had had a disagreement and I drove up country by myself), but I thought a gutful of free grog at the function would be a nice diversion. As far as I am aware, the marriage has been solid those 40 years, it sure looks that way. Anyway, I got hammered and had a great time. At one point, my Sister In Law said to me - "you and X will be celebrating 30 years next Feb won't you ?? I thought to myself - "Fuck. That's right. It will be 30 years. And then 40. I cannot cop another 10 years of my deal". - Anyway, that was a good one-liner that bloke came out with in your story. - - PS - my deal never made the 30. I was out in Oct 09. My Brother and Missus will be coming up 48 years in March 2018. I never really cared to ask before how this couple's marriage was until last weekend. How do couples last for so long. I don't think it is because they have it any easier than we do here. I think they chose to be together. I notice that she is the more vocal of the two and he is more passive. I don't get the feeling they regret their decision. They were at the party with their daughter and SIL, and the grandson (the college student) was there too. The SIL had to clarify that 'staying away from her' meant that we should have hobbies to spend our time. He and wife are probably married ~25yrs and I would guess LIASM. It is very likely your brother and wife will stay married since their marriage is solid. It seems solid can be achieved in various ways. I don't think I can nor would I want to 'stay away from my spouse' for a lifetime though. I guess that makes my marriage fluid for now. That's why he works out in the middle of the night.
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Post by 3000more on Jul 6, 2016 16:00:15 GMT -5
Fiery , here's the thing... From a male perspective, the world of political correctness and individual entitlement / rights is a pendulum that has swung to an extreme, and we are barraged by a constant flood of messages that everything we do is wrong and offensive. FFS, a report last week claimed that complimenting a woman on her shoes is offensive! On one hand, women say they want John Wayne-style male confidence, manliness, no-BS... while the message being beat into us is that we must be the "gay BFF". We are expected to be all things emotional and passive, while perfectly suppressing all instincts of dominance and aggressiveness... But be manly about it. It's a very frustrating and conflicting place to be. This is a topic that could go for quite a while. The bottom line being, society (and therefore the legal system) claims that being married brings no rights. That we are constantly on thin ice. It's enough to make a guy say "F marriage - it's all liability and no benefit". I feel like marriage is a liability with very little benefit. I think different women want different types of men. The same way different men want different types of women. Attraction is a very interesting thing with so many variables that can effect it. Some factors are personality some are sexual chemistry, the key is finding the person with the right balance that is compatible with you. I'm so jaded at this point I don't even know if that exists. To be able to find that person you get along with so well and the sex is great, heck even if it's just good. I clearly was not the type of woman my husband wanted sexually. He lost attraction early in the marriage and shame on him for being dishonest and I really want to say shame on me for not knowing better but I honestly didn't. I was so young and naive and if I would have slept with just one man prior to my husband then maybe I would not have married him. However I did love him very much and I tried to fix things. Now I think I can find comfort and acceptance if I just get what I need from different men in my life some platonic some not platonic to bring comfort and happiness in the moment. Did you see the movie Multiplicity? Lol And I am very happy now. My life is better than it was. I just had a thought about marriage, from my personal perspective. I'm going to refine this and use it. Marriage is like communism and not being married but enjoying the company of multiple opposite sex partners for different needs is like Capitalism. I'm a stronger believer in the free market, as close to that concept as we can get.....I like it.
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Post by 3000more on Jul 6, 2016 13:57:50 GMT -5
"Why does the thought of being alone for the rest of my life, scare me so much?" This is a note from my journal, after returning from a relatively long trip I took in June. I got back home, I had missed my place, my own bed as and my way of life the way I'm living it now. I can't say that I'm unhappy, because there's many things in my life that are pretty much ok. I know that if something good is going to happen to me, it will. There's nothing I can do to accelerate it or make it happen. All I could do, is to make sure there's no obstacle. I'm free and I can make my own choices. Why should I worry? I read somewhere an article about the inability of many of us to live in the now. Feeling nostalgic or overly critical about choices I made in the past, while being apprehensive about the future, is keeping me from enjoying the present. How can one liberate oneself from such thinking? I am spending time with my friends, my family, I am traveling, I am training for my next marathon and I keep working as hard as I always do. Why does the thought of being alone for the rest of my life, scare me so much? Have you looked into or studied the practice3 of Mindfulness? It's all about living in the now, there are some books out. I haven't read them. I did take a 6 weeks class on it and I believe it can be very useful for getting calm and sure of yourself. My $.02
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Post by 3000more on Jul 1, 2016 17:03:52 GMT -5
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Post by 3000more on Jul 1, 2016 13:43:06 GMT -5
@creelunion are you trying to guilt me into a proper schedule with dog welfare concerns? That may actually work ;-) Although they have absolutely no problem waking me as needed so no worries, they don't suffer. HelenT, you and I would get along great. I think I was born a "night person." Circadian Rhythms and all that have led me to find it hard to go to sleep any time before 11 at the earliest. In college I started my studies and project at 10 pm or would read well into the wee hours. I've got one child who goes to bed at 10:30 and another who makes a smoothie at midnight. We're all different. However, I'll be ready for sexy time any hour of the day or night.
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Post by 3000more on Jul 1, 2016 13:37:49 GMT -5
bballgirl . I would do the same. Try and wake him up to come to bed for some action. Didn't work. His bed is now the couch. (And has been for so many years!!). Let the couch have him! The couch is happy and satisfied...so there's that. ha ha
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Post by 3000more on Jul 1, 2016 13:27:10 GMT -5
I'd infer she means the open use of X-rated bedroom language and verbal imagery here. I'd say that's probably true. I think the language is much more "direct" here than EP was (not that EP was genteel). Owing to a lot of frustrated bodies that would like our spouses to do "X", "Y", and "Z" explicit things with us, and not being afraid to vent those frustrations explicitly here instead of in coded language. (As an example, I recall a side-chat here on pegging, which on EP would been steered to its own specialty forum[!] rather than being discussed in the ILIASM experience.) Also, here we don't have the fly-by folks dropping in with their "unique" kinks. I suppose we had to give up something. ;-) DC, the group here is also smaller, and started REALLY small. So, to some degree we all got very comfortable -- maybe too comfortable. In very short order defenses fell and everyone metaphorically just got naked. Now new folks stumble on the group and think this is some kind of orgy. Which to some degree it is. ...and think this is some kind of orgy... Where are the grapes...hungry
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Post by 3000more on Jun 30, 2016 19:07:10 GMT -5
Hey Neotericgal , sorry for your situation. Sounds like it's time to take your husband to your local home improvement store and back to the lumber department. Help him pick out a nice 2x4, then swing it upside his head! Normally, I would say he is depressed, but he says everything is fine. ED? Maybe, but I am doubtful. He just plain doesn't care. He won't even tell you what's wrong. I begged my wife to see a gynecologist, but she wouldn't. I am packing my parachute to make the jump. It sounds like you are well on your way, too. Congratulations on finishing school. You are more than in the right place. This is a great quote, "packing my parachute"
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Post by 3000more on Jun 28, 2016 17:36:49 GMT -5
...We went from 7+ times a week to a stretch of months. When we did attempt sex, at my insistence, he couldn't keep an erection. When I tried to talk to him about it, he told me it wasn't me, that he just didn't care about sex that much, he had a low drive, etc. ...We would go months between him initiating, and it's always the same 2 positions or me giving him oral. I was still unfulfilled sexually, but I was a happier person. I spent a lot of time focused on loving myself. I'm not sure when I started initiating again, but it's been a while. He rarely turns me down (I try to make sure I'm not asking more than once a month), but lately he doesn't orgasm. I also found out recently that he is watching porn and masturbating several times a week. ...There's also the small issue of my feelings for him. I'm still desperately in love with him. Despite all my best efforts, I'm not sexually attracted to anyone else. I can't fantasize about anyone else, and I have no desire to be with anyone else. litnerd, that is the same nickname I give to my son. He watches and plays video games all day! I don't think you can fake 7+ times per week so something broke in him after you got married...maybe the ED got him? I've also been brainwashed to knowing only two positions. I can't recall the others although I am sure they were fun. Why don't you ask if you can join his porn sessions. You can discuss the different techniques and positions. Since you are still desperately in love with him then he can't be all bad and there is still hope for your marriage. You have to feel indifference to get to the leaving stage. Is he a good father? This is a really good quote: "You have to feel indifference to get to the leaving stage."
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THIS
Jun 28, 2016 15:28:24 GMT -5
Post by 3000more on Jun 28, 2016 15:28:24 GMT -5
I recently read a self-reporting survey of Americans and Canadians average frequency; American's on average had sex 118 times per year and Canadians had on average 113 times per year, so about every three days, which correlates well with the survey on here that had the majority of people would like 3-6x per week.
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