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Post by petrushka on May 11, 2021 16:50:55 GMT -5
Hugz! I'm just starting the process myself. I hope it works out for you guys!
Rose, seriously?
Congratulations! I really hope it goes well for you.
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Post by petrushka on May 10, 2021 19:21:19 GMT -5
Northstarmom If you don't like your marriage and don't want to pay alimony, it's smart to get out of the marriage before you reach the 10-year mark. Well, I am screwed.
Depends on your legislation. In NZ, if you have cohabited with a person, never mind whether married or 'common law marriage' (i.e. not married at all), they can ask for 50% after 3 years. Typically, there is no alimony.
So, I was living on a 750 acre farm worth several hundred thousand, I had built a house for my parents to retire in, my wife came in with 10,000 Euro.
Farming was in a slump and so were farm prices.
Had I asked for a divorce, after 3 years when she stopped having sex with me, I would have had to sell the farm at bottom of the barrel price,
evict my parents from their house and be left without a means of supporting myself, to pay my wife to bugger off. I would not have had enough money left over to pay back my parents for the money they loaned me.
Talk about sitting in a f'ing trap. I did consider driving the car over the edge of a cliff. I figured out that that was depriving myself of a future.
As it is, I struggled on for 6 years until I landed in the iliasm group on EP back in '09. Then I got to sorting things out with the wife, and really, we have not looked back in terms of the quality of the relationship.
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Post by petrushka on May 10, 2021 19:06:13 GMT -5
The whole alimony thing is a mess from when divorce was rare and involved rich folk. It is easy to sort out but since lawyers grow fat on it, where is the enthusiasm amongst lawmakers? Since most marriages seem to end these days, pre nups should be compulsory and enforcable. But hey ho, never underestimate the ability of a lawyer to wriggle out of a contract, for a fee nsturally.
Depends on who you are divorcing from/with: my divorce cost in the order of $350 plus a few bucks stamp fee at the family court. It _can_ be done amicably.
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Post by petrushka on May 10, 2021 8:09:39 GMT -5
I find this topic confusing: never had credit card debt in my life. Don't like to flush my money down the toilet!
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Post by petrushka on May 10, 2021 7:27:06 GMT -5
Oh my, I just read the penultimate update: "found with a sex toy in the bathtub". {sniggers} Shades of "Wilt" by Tom Sharpe. The guy really must've been a piece of work; what a sad life though in a way, he pissed it up against the wall.
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Post by petrushka on May 7, 2021 6:10:16 GMT -5
No way, no re-negotiation. If they agreed to a price, then that is the contract. I don't know about the US, but such is the case here. Back in the 80s I bought a 50 acre block. After we had signed the agreement for sale and purchase, as it's called in this jurisdiction, the seller suddenly realized that he had made false assumptions of where the land ended, and that I was getting more than he had thought. So he tried to raise the price retroactively. My lawyer just laughed. His lawyer just laughed. No can do, sonny. catlover , if the offer was accepted in writing, the place is yours the moment you hand over the money in most jurisdictions. Never mind if their lawyer or the land agent try to fiddle the numbers so they get a bigger cut. If your lawyer is worth his salt, he should put a stop to it right quickly.
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Post by petrushka on Apr 16, 2021 8:47:25 GMT -5
On a sort of related subject. My wofe has had her first post lockdown haircut and dye job. She has opted for a strong reddish hue. I feel it makes her look awful. Should I keep my mouth shut or try gentle criticism? It depends, you still holding out hope for that BJ?
Are we talking blueberry jam here?
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Post by petrushka on Apr 16, 2021 4:00:02 GMT -5
I agree that a Dyson mains powered vacuum is a waste of money - you can get equally good vacuums for half the price. We have a Dyson cordless and it's pretty good; not because it has a lot of suck (in fact, it sucks in the sucking department) but the powered brushes that go with it do an excellent job in conjunction with the vacuum. But when I tried to chase down some fruit flies with the bare vacuum, it failed miserably at the job.
On the subject of ozone: ozone is oxygen, but instead of O2 - two oxygen atoms forming a molecule, it is O3 -- three oxygen atoms forming a molecule. Inherently not terribly stable as a molecule it is quite inimical to microbes - a good sterilizer - and good at absorbing ultraviolet rays in the stratosphere. But you don't want to breathe it in. The smell is very distinct, it tends to get generated in electric discharges, like a motor with sparking brushes or lightening strikes. If you ever had an electric appliance go 'poof' near you, you will have smelled ozone. Two O3 will break down and reform into three O2 under normal circumstances.
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Post by petrushka on Apr 10, 2021 11:19:45 GMT -5
Faint chance, but that poster may really be called Layla James - who knows.
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Post by petrushka on Apr 9, 2021 7:14:41 GMT -5
I remember this report on Prozac: The company that developed the drug basically submitted 'test data' that was whitewashed. They omitted reports from test subjects who got terrible headaches, and they omitted suicide rates. They tested the drug on prison in-mate 'volunteers'. I've been very wary of antidepressants since. I have read research that they do result in an increased suicide rate -- one explanation given is that they may just lift the severely depressed to an energy level high enough that they manage to actually go through with the suicidal thoughts (frequently a symptom of the condition). I also know that some of them can result in potentially fatal dependency. My mother was put on citalopram in the mid-phase of her dementia and when I dug a bit I found that sudden increases or sudden cessation can have severe, potentially fatal results. Food for thought. {shudders} JMX just in case Caris still wanders these halls, you'd better get a kevlar helmet and some flame proof underwear! Remember the shit storm that broke out over my head when I dared joke about the little carrots screaming as the vegetarians pull them brutally out of the ground?!? catlover well, yeah, most people fortunately never have the need to learn that there are differences between being sad because your kitty got run over by a bus "snap out of it", having SAD (seasonal affective disorder) because Tromso only has 4-5 hours daylight in winter and you get poked into a sunroom by your doctor with a bunch of other people, or having a full blown clinical depression where neither of the above will help. How I got out of clinical depression once I cottoned on to what was going on? 1 - I ditched stress. I rang the revenue and told them I would file late since I was sick. I cancelled every appointment. I made 3 rules: 1 - make sure I have one meal a day. 2. get up out of bed, hard as it may be, and brush my teeth once a day. 3 - feed my dogs every day. Other than that: no stress. I was in the lucky position of being able to do that because I worked for myself. I also asked other people to look after my un-dodgeable work meanwhile. My energy levels returned after some 6 weeks of rest. At that point, getting out in the sun and taking the dogs for short walks may have helped in the recovery. Maybe I was luckier than some. I did it without drugs, in any event. My motto was: the strong oak stands against the storm, and breaks. The willow bends with the wind and survives. Something I had read some place. ( I can attest that some willows don't). Anyway ....
footnote: I had two severe bouts of depression in the '80s, about a year apart. I survived. Looks like depression gave up on me and hasn't tried it on since.
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Post by petrushka on Apr 7, 2021 20:33:19 GMT -5
reported as spam
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Post by petrushka on Apr 6, 2021 15:20:32 GMT -5
This is the 2nd sexless relationship I’ve been in - and I’m finally realising that it really isn’t my fault, and no matter how much I try to please - there will always be another hurdle to jump, or another reason for being the “bad guy” and being denied as a punishment.
... what I call "the hamster wheel". Never mind how much you try to please, no matter what contortions you go to, it's never right, never good enough.
My wife (sexless and affection-less after 3 years) went down that road after 3 years in the relationship. Took me another 6 years (and landing in the
predecessor of this forum) to call her on it. Nothing I did was ever right. There was something wrong with every service, every gift, every excursion... not to mention that I 'kept abusing her'. Which seemed to happen in a parallel universe because I sure wasn't party to it. I checked with some of my friends, and some of her friends, and they agreed with me, so with 20/20 hindsight I think it was just behaviour to keep me at a distance, while she
was stomping around ready to blow up at the drop of a pin. Not really doing herself any favours either.
My approach was to tell her that I wasn't getting my needs met, that I wasn't getting my wants met, and I was rapidly losing the will and the interest in keeping the relationship going. And that I was utterly sick of all that passive aggressive shit.
I think I am one of the very few people in the forum who got lucky in that she listened to me, and she's modified her behaviour a lot over the last 18 years. Quite affectionate physically now, and no more bullshit - but sadly the interest in sex has not rekindled at all; and I'm not into dead fish sex, so ... 18 years as a monk by now.
If the hamster wheel had continued, I would have walked. It is emotional abuse, no more, no less. Just stop playing - stop trying to please, don't react to the accusations is my strategy and the abuse stopped. Behaviour that is not rewarded ... etc.
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Post by petrushka on Mar 31, 2021 2:28:17 GMT -5
"The Loophole" DON'T play this loud at the office, and maybe shoo your toddler out of the room or there will be questions!
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Post by petrushka on Mar 29, 2021 5:10:14 GMT -5
And here is another one, just to bring some fun to the fair (with a special shout-out to the fetlife gang)
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Post by petrushka on Mar 29, 2021 4:57:13 GMT -5
It'll take twenty thousand units or more, to cure, the love, that Penicillin Penny lays on you ...
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