Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2018 15:24:05 GMT -5
I wasn't expecting a shutout!
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Post by time4intimacy on Aug 28, 2018 16:22:58 GMT -5
I am very shocked to see no regrets for those that have outsourced. I have not outsourced, but I am seeing how it has boosted confidence for a lot of people. I totally get the lack of confidence. I am feeling that way for sure. It really messes with you and wrecks any potential normal sex.
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Post by ironhamster on Aug 28, 2018 17:15:26 GMT -5
No regrets the first time, or the second time. The third time my wife asked what was up, what was so important for me that weekend. So much for a don't ask don't tell policy. I told her, and that I had no intention of stopping. Nope. Not even a hint of regret.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2018 17:46:35 GMT -5
So these are interesting results. To me, it indicates that when you are starving, you are very happy to get a meal even if it is something you would never have considered, uh, eating before.
I would have imagined the percentage would be much lower in the rest of the world, where people cheat for other reasons than SMs. But I found stats from a 2012 blog post that sounds like it had a real source:
Our so-far unanimous poll appears to show that SMs are so debilitating that they prompt people to do things they never anticipated to get the feeling of closeness and sexual pleasure that they have been denied. It's almost as if an SM is a unique form of torture that prompts people to do anything to escape the pain.
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 28, 2018 18:10:35 GMT -5
SM’s are not only torture and debilitating but they are a form of ABUSE! I stand by that to this day! The abuse is insidious. I told my H when I announced the divorce that I wish he would have beat me because I would have left sooner if not right away. SM is a mindfuck.
By outsourcing I gave myself a gift. I met a man that has helped me in so many ways and I help him too.
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Post by hopingforachange on Aug 28, 2018 19:10:16 GMT -5
SM’s are not only torture and debilitating but they are a form of ABUSE! I stand by that to this day! The abuse is insidious. I told my H when I announced the divorce that I wish he would have beat me because I would have left sooner if not right away. SM is a mindfuck. By outsourcing I gave myself a gift. I met a man that has helped me in so many ways and I help him too. I agree it's a form of emotional abuse. They are denying you the intimate connection you were promised and you promised to only get from them.
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Post by WindSister on Aug 28, 2018 21:39:50 GMT -5
I don't feel I can officially vote.
I cheated on my ex, sure, as I moved into the guest room and said I was going to. Divorced 6 months later.
I was with a married man, though, twice, once long term'ish.
Personally, I don't regret any one moment I experienced intimacy with a man. Ever. In all my life. In fact, that's the stuff that keeps me smiling.
I am committed to my "new" husband, but that's because we are good together and I love making love to him and no one else. But, that doesn't mean past encounters were cheap just because they didn't last.
I don't regret the shared intimacy in my life. I don't see how one could.
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Post by jim44444 on Aug 29, 2018 20:15:00 GMT -5
I have not outsourced.
YET
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Post by choosinghappy on Sept 1, 2018 21:37:13 GMT -5
That is a big giant FUCK NO. I would not be where I am now if I hadn't outsourced. It helped me restore my confidence, learn that in fact it WASN'T me, opened up that sexual side of myself that had been repressed for so long, helped me see just how shitty my SM really was, and gave me the self-esteem and motivation to make the necessary changes in my life and leave my SM.
I also met some wonderful men along the way.
I would not change a thing and am very grateful for my experiences.
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Post by javba on Sept 2, 2018 9:07:31 GMT -5
Thank you I'm solidly in the outsourcing camp.
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Post by javba on Sept 2, 2018 9:09:26 GMT -5
Thank you I'm solidly in the outsourcing camp. But it's not about the dick anymore. I need a partner with emphasis on "friends" & "benefits"
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Post by flounder on Sept 3, 2018 21:19:46 GMT -5
Update : After speaking with Spanky Taylor I have been informed that “Ms.Theron is unavailable for a torrid affair until at least November 5th. There maybe time for a scandalous one night stand on the Amalfi coast of Italy around mid October but you need to check back in three weeks.” Damn my luck.
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Post by solodriver on Sept 3, 2018 21:28:31 GMT -5
I do think that outsourcing because you're in a SM, and you have tried your best to work out the issues with no success with your refuser, makes you human. We all need love and intimacy in our life. To me it's what makes life worth living, having that special someone that you connect with, to share those very important, special sexual connections with.
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Post by baza on Sept 3, 2018 21:36:49 GMT -5
Looking at the responses, it is clear that having a crack at the - perfectly legitimate - cheating option very often results in a big lift in ones' self esteem, and from there, things like a heightened sense of just how bad your ILIASM shithole is develop.
In some cases this heightened awareness seems to help some people cope with their ILIASM shithole, and by default, prolong it. For others this heightened awareness seems to help people get off the fence and seriously consider the leaving option, and by default, shorten the time they remain in their ILIASM deal.
But one thing is certain. Cheating is a game changer one way or another.
However, what you don't know, and can NOT know in advance of going down this road, is how YOUR specific game changer is going to spin out.
Mostly, it seems in here, you don't get caught, although there are a few stories in here where people confessed. And mostly, it seems that one way or another, the cheating hastened the end of the ILIASM shithole.
Of the 3 options, this one is the most adventurous.
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Post by choosinghappy on Sept 3, 2018 23:47:12 GMT -5
“Of the 3 options, this one is the most adventurous.”
...and the most fun 😉 LOL!
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