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Post by saarinista on Jul 4, 2018 21:26:52 GMT -5
I don't wear my ring anymore either and my wife has also either not noticed, has never said anything, or just doesn't care. But NOT wearing something doesn't really count as an outward sign of SM (although your friends who know you're married may pick up on it). Is there some general indicator that you are married but looking? Um, if you hit on people you're interesting in having a relationship with?
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Post by saarinista on Jul 4, 2018 21:28:19 GMT -5
Y'all, maybe we should print up some tshirts that say "iliasm.org on them in big block letters and sell/wear them as a fundraiser AND a conversation starter. :-)
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Post by ironhamster on Jul 4, 2018 21:38:27 GMT -5
Y'all, maybe we should print up some tshirts that say "iliasm.org on them in big block letters and sell/wear them as a fundraiser AND a conversation starter. :-) I like the idea of being open and honest, even to the point of having ILIASM Tshirts made. Maybe we could also mark our spouses with a "scarlet letter", "A" for "asexual". Imagine the outrage in the AVEN community, that they were going to be exposed like that.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2018 21:59:00 GMT -5
Does this logo make us look too needy?
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jul 4, 2018 22:12:40 GMT -5
Back on EP, I had at one time tried to start a sketch of a logo type thing. An outhouse, off kilter, with a person crawling up & out from under it (escaping the shit hole). I’m not a good artist. It never came to be.
I wish I could sketch.
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Post by elynne on Jul 5, 2018 5:23:17 GMT -5
I never got an actual wedding band because we only got married in the courthouse (another bad sign) but I do have a nice engagement ring. The baguettes cracked and one fell out, so I stopped wearing it for a while, because of that, and also because I was trying to "gently" protest and get some response out of my husband. But I didn't. Finally I got it back out of his gun safe (sigh) and put the sucker back on again, because I am that materialistic. It needs to be fixed, but I don't know what to do. I haven't decided for sure yet what to do about the SM, so I don't feel like it's right to get it reset-but it looks awfully tacky the way it is, all cracked and missing part of its bling. SIGH! Sort of a metaphor for the whole marriage, I guess. We had two red coffee mugs that h bought on vacation. In fact we always buy two coffee mugs on vacation- because vacation houses always seem to have little tiny coffee cups and we like a big mug off coffee in the morning. Both mugs were broken over time but I saved them. A few weeks ago, I pulled them out of the closet and glued them back together. Maybe having the ring fixed is a good metaphor for repairing your marriage if you still have hope.
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Post by elynne on Jul 5, 2018 7:26:18 GMT -5
I don't wear my ring anymore either and my wife has also either not noticed, has never said anything, or just doesn't care. But NOT wearing something doesn't really count as an outward sign of SM (although your friends who know you're married may pick up on it). Is there some general indicator that you are married but looking? I think if you’re married but looking divorce is a better option.
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Post by saarinista on Jul 5, 2018 13:45:48 GMT -5
I never got an actual wedding band because we only got married in the courthouse (another bad sign) but I do have a nice engagement ring. The baguettes cracked and one fell out, so I stopped wearing it for a while, because of that, and also because I was trying to "gently" protest and get some response out of my husband. But I didn't. Finally I got it back out of his gun safe (sigh) and put the sucker back on again, because I am that materialistic. It needs to be fixed, but I don't know what to do. I haven't decided for sure yet what to do about the SM, so I don't feel like it's right to get it reset-but it looks awfully tacky the way it is, all cracked and missing part of its bling. SIGH! Sort of a metaphor for the whole marriage, I guess. We had two red coffee mugs that h bought on vacation. In fact we always buy two coffee mugs on vacation- because vacation houses always seem to have little tiny coffee cups and we like a big mug off coffee in the morning. Both mugs were broken over time but I saved them. A few weeks ago, I pulled them out of the closet and glued them back together. Maybe having the ring fixed is a good metaphor for repairing your marriage if you still have hope. I'm not proud to admit this but I feel like I need the advice of a licensed professional to make a decision about what to do with the ring. Ugh.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 5, 2018 14:06:43 GMT -5
saarnista: "I'm not proud to admit this but I feel like I need the advice of a licensed professional to make a decision about what to do with the ring. Ugh."
That's because your real dilemma is whether to divorce or hang on.
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Post by saarinista on Jul 5, 2018 16:45:01 GMT -5
saarnista: "I'm not proud to admit this but I feel like I need the advice of a licensed professional to make a decision about what to do with the ring. Ugh." That's because your real dilemma is whether to divorce or hang on. Yep. I can dish out the advice, but I can't make up my own mind. I'm still too scared. I'm not proud to admit that either. However, I am proud that I'm proud enough to admit that I'm a mess! That's the first step. A step I've been on for a loooong time.
May I also add again that those of you who have made the conscious, painful decision and actual do get out of your sexless marriages-or alternatively, seriously decide to suck it up and live with them forever-have my respect. It's tough to make a decision which will be hurtful either way. Kudos to the decisive.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2018 16:59:29 GMT -5
Back on EP, I had at one time tried to start a sketch of a logo type thing. An outhouse, off kilter, with a person crawling up & out from under it (escaping the shit hole). I’m not a good artist. It never came to be. I wish I could sketch. That one mugged my funny bone - ouch, but hahahahaha...
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 5, 2018 17:31:33 GMT -5
It's easier to make a decision with professional help from a lawyer and therapist. People serious about making a decision use both.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 5, 2018 18:56:00 GMT -5
In ancient times those in mourning would rend their clothes.
It seems to me that this could be a good way of signifying a marriage has died...as well as indicating a desire to get it on with someone new.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 5, 2018 18:57:58 GMT -5
Me too - he never said a word. I find it interesting how many of us have removed our wedding rings as a form of silent protest. I also find it very telling that the spouses don’t comment. That is because they do not give a shit.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 5, 2018 18:59:14 GMT -5
Does this logo make us look too needy? I didn't know Bob Ross was in a sexless marriage. A goddamn shame...
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