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Post by DryCreek on Jun 29, 2018 21:47:54 GMT -5
greatcoastal, so it seems we disagree. C’est la vie. You seem to think my memory is limited to the current thread. I have a family member who lives 5 doors down from their ex. Speaking from experience, not speculation. But a lot of these privacy issues were hashed out in the thread about trying to subdivide the house - another idea that didn’t garner much support here for good reasons. If the experts can’t understand the financial deal, get better experts or re-evaluate what you’re trying to do. She can afford experts, and it’d cost far less than some legal tangle that happens when H’s future wife stirs the shit 2 years from now. It’s great that the relationship is amicable now, but the legal docs need to survive the duration, which includes unforeseen influences. DIY doc-u-prep is a great path when you’ve got no kids, nothing to split, and no money for advice. Not here. Posters aren’t obliged to share all their details. But you get out what you put in; we can only comment on what we see. If replies are off-base for lack of info, there’s no point in taking it personally. And even if a bunch of ill-informed people point out that I’m running with scissors, it might still be worth a checkpoint.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 30, 2018 7:38:21 GMT -5
greatcoastal , so it seems we disagree. C’est la vie. You seem to think my memory is limited to the current thread. I have a family member who lives 5 doors down from their ex. Speaking from experience, not speculation. But a lot of these privacy issues were hashed out in the thread about trying to subdivide the house - another idea that didn’t garner much support here for good reasons. If the experts can’t understand the financial deal, get better experts or re-evaluate what you’re trying to do. She can afford experts, and it’d cost far less than some legal tangle that happens when H’s future wife stirs the shit 2 years from now. It’s great that the relationship is amicable now, but the legal docs need to survive the duration, which includes unforeseen influences. DIY doc-u-prep is a great path when you’ve got no kids, nothing to split, and no money for advice. Not here. Posters aren’t obliged to share all their details. But you get out what you put in; we can only comment on what we see. If replies are off-base for lack of info, there’s no point in taking it personally. And even if a bunch of ill-informed people point out that I’m running with scissors, it might still be worth a checkpoint. Yes I do still disagree, mostly because this post (like others) still doesn't answer her only two questions. Those 2 questions where vague ,and a bit difficult to answer and needed more prodding, that's my opinion. However you and I have been posting regularly for 3 yrs. imagine if I immediately got off the subject every time and went back to old posts and started asking you " why are you still married to an asexual?" One thing about being on ILIASM, you can't get a refund! It's all free, and some of the gifts you receive are priceless!
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 30, 2018 8:57:07 GMT -5
Hey surfergirl - I’m sorry you don’t feel supported. Lots of the forum “critiques” really are intended as helpful, even when they come off as harsh. I do try to not respond if I don’t have time to be gentle. Often, I fail at that. I quickly write what I feel strongly about (in absence of all the facts!) and often it’s simply ill-informed, poorly worded, and/or a reflection of things true for me while not applicable to the OP. I feel like we really are all rooting for you, but most people can’t really take “our own spin” off of our replies. In my SM, the 3 step-Children were some of the best IRL support I had through the process. My brain is too small to grock a way that I could have maintained good relationships with the 2 girls if I had withheld what was going on. Obviously my case is quite different than your case. Take only what is useful from the forum. Take NONE of it personally. As you pointed out, we really don’t have the full story of how things are for you, your Ex, and your kids. Hang in there. Stay resilient. You’ll work out the right balance among all the parties.
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Post by saarinista on Jun 30, 2018 13:17:52 GMT -5
surfergirl, if there's an issue you'd prefer not being critiqued about, you might just mention that in your post. For example something like "I realize that it may sound unusual that we haven't told our children, but that's our choice a d we have our reasons, so please don't critique me about that. However, what's your opinion on (insert critique-able issue here)? Does that make sense? I think most people would honor that boundary here. And it might make you feel more comfortable.
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Post by flyingsolo on Jul 2, 2018 18:32:51 GMT -5
surfergirl , if there's an issue you'd prefer not being critiqued about, you might just mention that in your post. For example something like "I realize that it may sound unusual that we haven't told our children, but that's our choice a d we have our reasons, so please don't critique me about that. However, what's your opinion on (insert critique-able issue here)? Does that make sense? I think most people would honor that boundary here. And it might make you feel more comfortable. She did, back on June 28th in the post.
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Post by saarinista on Jul 2, 2018 20:43:50 GMT -5
surfergirl , if there's an issue you'd prefer not being critiqued about, you might just mention that in your post. For example something like "I realize that it may sound unusual that we haven't told our children, but that's our choice a d we have our reasons, so please don't critique me about that. However, what's your opinion on (insert critique-able issue here)? Does that make sense? I think most people would honor that boundary here. And it might make you feel more comfortable. She did, back on June 28th in the post. Clearly I missed that. Oops.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 2, 2018 21:10:52 GMT -5
I missed it, too. Her original post in the thread was the day before. It would be good if there were a section for people to just post and vent and not get advice.
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nicky
Junior Member
Posts: 36
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Post by nicky on Jul 9, 2018 21:47:41 GMT -5
congratulations! you're my hero.
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Post by surfergirl on Jul 14, 2018 17:18:25 GMT -5
To update..... We told the children on July 4th. Bad timing, but due to the size of our family, it’s impossible to get everyone together, in general. There has been a lot of pain. My house is supposed to be finished this month on the 23rd. It will feel more real for all of us when I move out (six doors down). We still eat family dinners together and carry on. We been divorced for weeks and nobody even noticed. 😂 I think that’s when I will “feel” divorced— when I move out. Again, before anyone jumps on my case, I chose to not move out because I found a house six doors down from their dad’s house. I’m sure people will have strong opinions here about that, but from my viewpoint, it was The Best Way to communicate that I am here, not abandoning them, and my door is always open during the 50/50 split. (Ergo, I’m not asking if I did the right thing. I already know I did.) I showed up on this forum in January married to elynne’s husband and looping from the abuse and gaslighting, and my divorce was final on June 20th. Isn’t that some sort of record for the forum? I want a badge of recognition, if so! 😂
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 14, 2018 17:27:28 GMT -5
That’s great wishing you all the best as you start this new chapter of your life.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 14, 2018 18:31:49 GMT -5
Congrats for getting out in record time. Thanks for updating us. I hope you'll stick around and let us know about your Opposite Land experiences (including dating experiences), and also will offer advise and support to the many confused, depressed and scared people who come here wondering if escape from their SM is possible.
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Post by elynne on Jul 15, 2018 4:43:20 GMT -5
To update..... We told the children on July 4th. Bad timing, but due to the size of our family, it’s impossible to get everyone together, in general. There has been a lot of pain. My house is supposed to be finished this month on the 23rd. It will feel more real for all of us when I move out (six doors down). We still eat family dinners together and carry on. We been divorced for weeks and nobody even noticed. 😂 I think that’s when I will “feel” divorced— when I move out. Again, before anyone jumps on my case, I chose to not move out because I found a house six doors down from their dad’s house. I’m sure people will have strong opinions here about that, but from my viewpoint, it was The Best Way to communicate that I am here, not abandoning them, and my door is always open during the 50/50 split. (Ergo, I’m not asking if I did the right thing. I already know I did.) I showed up on this forum in January married to elynne’s husband and looping from the abuse and gaslighting, and my divorce was final on June 20th. Isn’t that some sort of record for the forum? I want a badge of recognition, if so! 😂 I think you should get a trophy. But truth be told, living a happy and fulfilling life without the burden of trying to create a healthy relationship alone is probably a much better reward. Please stay in touch! Give us updates. You’re story is a beacon of hope for me as I try to unravel my mess.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jul 15, 2018 11:10:23 GMT -5
I showed up on this forum in January married to elynne ’s husband and looping from the abuse and gaslighting, and my divorce was final on June 20th. Isn’t that some sort of record for the forum? I want a badge of recognition, if so! 😂 Didn't you file at one point previously (before joining the forum), tell the kids but then you and your H backtracked on it? Maybe I'm incorrect and that was another member...? Either way, congratulations and I hope things will work out better for you now!
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Post by surfergirl on Jul 15, 2018 12:16:57 GMT -5
choosinghappy You are correct. I filed once before, and then my husband Reset me. I withdrew the petition July 2017. I joined the forum in January 2018 in the state of confusion that elynne is in, due to the fact we are married to high IQ, very calm and respected professionals who gaslight. And I'll add, both our husbands don't know the FUCK who they are married to. We are both wonderful, smart, intelligent partners who twist ourselves into a pretzel trying to make someone who is indifferent have a drop of empathy in their blood. elynne -- My plan is to just ROCK it. I used all my chips on buying out his equity stake in a pharmacy I now own 100%. The best revenge is a good life. I am beautiful, smart, and successful. His loss. I can't wait until he tries dating online. I'm going to laugh my ass off. I know that he finds "my type" super hot. And LOL.....good luck to him finding someone like you or me. I can't wait to update this story.
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Post by surfergirl on Jul 15, 2018 12:20:55 GMT -5
And here's another tidbit. I told him I have investors who believe in me and want to invest in me starting a Suboxone clinic. He wanted in on the deal VERY BADLY (because he knows I will succeed).
I laughed.
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