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Post by elynne on Mar 17, 2018 13:41:15 GMT -5
I’m scared too. H will have to pay me 1/2 if his share of his part of the practice. He’ll also have to pay me alimony for 12 years. I’m assuming we’ll have shared custody of the kids - and I think it’s better for them to stay in the same school, so it forces me to live in a rural area where I can’t work in finance IT, the field where I used to earn a really respectable salary. I’ve been a portrait painter for the last few years, a piece in a Museum show, won some national and international juried competitions - so I’ve got some talent. My lawyer warned me that if H decides to play hardball he may insist I stop painting and get a ‘real job’. I wonder if I could counter with “Ok. But then we need to move the kids to an area where I can work in finance without commuting 3 hours per day.” I digress. I understand the financial worries. They weigh heavy on my mind too. Though the hopeful part of me believes that if I spent the amount of the time I currently invest on dealing with my unhappy relationship on improving my earning with painting I’d be ok. Sounds like you need another trip to the lawyer to ask more questions. I'd say make it a priority to go back and get your new questions answered. You said Finance IT. If you are/were in IT and can paint, I'm so jealous. I'm in IT but my drawing is stickmen. 😊. I'd love to be able to create something artistic. Sounds like you are really good. One of my portraits... Funny - when my lawyer suggested I might have to get a ‘real job’ she also asked to see some of my work. When I showed her, her eyebrows raised. Then she said, “Oh. You’re a real painter. We should be able to work something out.” <sigh> If only H felt the same way! To be completely honest, I’d be almost willing to put up with my unfulfilling marriage if he’d support my painting instead of belittling it. He loves to call it a hobby. I’m a registered business, pay taxes. Argh!!! That’s is one my breaking points. Life is too short and I don’t want to waste the rest of it not going for it. It took me long enough to figure out what I was really meant to do and I want to throw my energy into something I’m passionate about without battling to find courage after he’s beat down my self esteem again. (Finance IT - paid really well. I can do it if I put my mind to it, but it was a bit like a bear riding a bicycle. It didn’t fit well with my natural strengths
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Post by tirefire on Mar 17, 2018 15:23:55 GMT -5
elynne, Holy crap that is really good. I know I'm the burger king patron saying this Michelin starred restaurant is good, but that painting is very striking. It wouldn't be out of place in a legislature or portrait gallery. I bet you'll be happier doing portrait work than IT. 😊
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Post by elynne on Mar 17, 2018 16:54:32 GMT -5
Happier? Without a doubt. Wealthier? Certainly not. But how much does one really need? Enough not to worry about mortgage or rent, to feed and clothe myself and the kids. Enough for a little travel sometimes. And enough for paint and canvas. When you’re happy, anything more is really superfluous.
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Post by choosinghappy on Mar 17, 2018 19:19:25 GMT -5
Wow elynne you are incredibly talented!
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Post by xpiatio on Mar 17, 2018 20:25:09 GMT -5
I was told by a couple people that I don't need to worry about sex during the wedding night. You will both be too tired. Once during the honey moon. And nothing during each subsequent anniversary.
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Post by h on Mar 18, 2018 6:09:14 GMT -5
Nothing on our wedding night. Only once on our honeymoon and that was only due to her feeling "guilty for depriving me and sorry for me" so it really wasn't that great.
(And yes, those were the words she used to me on our honeymoon.)
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Post by hopingforachange on Mar 18, 2018 7:03:32 GMT -5
Nothing on our wedding night. Only once on our honeymoon and that was only due to her feeling "guilty for depriving me and sorry for me" so it really wasn't that great. (And yes, those were the words she used to me on our honeymoon.) Your wife or mine?
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Post by h on Mar 18, 2018 8:22:48 GMT -5
Nothing on our wedding night. Only once on our honeymoon and that was only due to her feeling "guilty for depriving me and sorry for me" so it really wasn't that great. (And yes, those were the words she used to me on our honeymoon.) Your wife or mine? Mine. Why? Yours use the same words?
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Post by hopingforachange on Mar 18, 2018 10:22:45 GMT -5
Mine. Why? Yours use the same words? Mine has used those same words and with zero enthusiasm.
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Post by elkclan2 on Mar 18, 2018 13:38:51 GMT -5
Nope. We had two weddings and had sex neither time. Not sure we had sex at all on our honeymoon trip. elynne very nice. My mother is an accountant and a painter. She's good on landscapes and industrial ruin and such like. She wants to be a portraitist, but hers are somehow wrong. Like she doesn't really SEE people. But then she is NPD, so I guess she doesn't. Funnily enough some of her best paintings are done from my photographs... and she gives me no credit :-)
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Post by elynne on Mar 18, 2018 15:06:32 GMT -5
Nope. We had two weddings and had sex neither time. Not sure we had sex at all on our honeymoon trip. elynne very nice. My mother is an accountant and a painter. She's good on landscapes and industrial ruin and such like. She wants to be a portraitist, but hers are somehow wrong. Like she doesn't really SEE people. But then she is NPD, so I guess she doesn't. Funnily enough some of her best paintings are done from my photographs... and she gives me no credit :-) elkclan2 I was going to click like but, ow! Growing up with an NPD mom is rough. Mine is mellowing a bit. Maybe not true, but I’ve started calling her on her shit. I’ve discovered when I do she immediately backpedals. “Oh! I didn’t mean that at all!” If only I had learned that as a child! You may have something with NPD and not really seeing other people. I find my work is the opposite - I can paint landscapes - they’re ok but they’re not inspired. My still lives are decent, but I really love painting portraits. As much as possible from life. I genuinely like people. I try to fall a little in love with each person I paint. See them in the best possible light, think about their best qualities. Then I paint as accurately as I can while holding on to those positive feelings. I think in a subtle way it informs the choices I make. That would be tough as a narcissist! Quite a few parallels between you and me. NPD mom, expats, SM. Maybe as I work my way through this we’ll have more parallels in the future. I’m sorry your mom doesn’t acknowledge your contributions. You know that it has nothing to do with you, but sometimes it’s nice to be reminded. If she acknowledged your contribution to her painting it makes her feel less talented. And those NPD’s have such a tough time keeping their self esteem inflated. The better you are the less she can acknowledge it. And ain’t that an ugly conundrum for a mom!
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Post by RumRunner on Mar 18, 2018 20:58:20 GMT -5
No... my wedding night was a disaster, and a sign of many things to come!
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Post by merrygoround on Mar 19, 2018 3:57:44 GMT -5
Nope, no sex on wedding night. Waste of gorgeous lingerie. He was "too tired". Instead it was a brief coupling the following day, no foreplay, his only position (spoon from behind). I was young and naive - accepted it. It was my first marriage, his second. He was also extremely uncomfortable showing affection to me in front of his family. Not what a young bride expected. PS elynne you're a wonderful artist.
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Post by elynne on Mar 19, 2018 5:08:52 GMT -5
[quote author=" merrygoround" source="/post/95703/thread" PS elynne you're a wonderful artist. [/quote] Thanks 😊.
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Post by hopingforachange on Mar 19, 2018 5:42:43 GMT -5
Nope, no sex on wedding night. Waste of gorgeous lingerie. He was "too tired". Instead it was a brief coupling the following day, no foreplay, his only position (spoon from behind). I was young and naive - accepted it. It was my first marriage, his second. He was also extremely uncomfortable showing affection to me in front of his family. Not what a young bride expected. PS elynne you're a wonderful artist. We also waisted a limo ride from the ceremony to the reception.
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