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Post by lwoetin on Mar 10, 2018 0:54:59 GMT -5
For good reasons... We're compatible and complemented each other. She fit in well with my family. I was a newbie at relationships. She was my first and only gf. And I was unattractive to others. She was faithful and pretty, and bad eyesight, while I was unsteady.
I chose reasonably well and safely (only one to choose from). Being with her taught me what love is. But it's hard to control how we change with time. I find us on LIASM for now. It cannot end like this....
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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Mar 10, 2018 7:52:35 GMT -5
I was 29 and afraid of ending up alone for the rest of my life. No one was interested in me, I was always the guy girls wanted as a friend but not a boyfriend. "You are such a nice guy, but..." I cannot count the number of times I heard that!
Then my old roommate comes to visit, fresh out of her divorce. She knew I was stable, responsible, and I had a good job. So she used her womanly skills (t and a) and laid a trap for me. It didn't take much effort to bag me, I eagerly followed that big luscious ass and KER-SNAP! I was caught!
I did not realize it at the time but I was totally played. I was so desperate to not be alone that I would do anything at that point. Once I was hooked the sex started to dry up and was replaced with excuses. Happily ever after, right?
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Post by jim44444 on Mar 10, 2018 20:37:59 GMT -5
I was 18 with all the associated raging hormones. I did not know the difference between lust and love. Not sure I know the difference today. I do know that our reproductive organs worked just fine. Since I was in love or lust I had no problem with doing the "right thing". I cannot say that I regret that decision. We have great kids and grandkids. We have a comfortable life style. We had great sex for 30+ years. We are great friends. And none of that makes an SM one bit better.
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Post by tirefire on Mar 11, 2018 10:41:31 GMT -5
No matter any other reasons, I think deep down I was afraid of being alone.
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Post by h on Mar 12, 2018 21:00:10 GMT -5
I was 23 and we had dated all through college. We even lived together for a while but we still held to our beliefs and waited for sex. We were great friends and supported each other through school and got along well at home.
After we graduated and I got a job, it seemed like the natural thing to do next. We got married but nothing changed. The sex life I was promised as the reward for my patience never started. Once a month (or less) was as good as it got.
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Post by saarinista on Mar 12, 2018 21:56:25 GMT -5
I was 35 and could not meet the right guy to save my life. Probably my anxiety over meeting someone was offputting-who knows. Anyway, my husband and I worked together, and he asked me out and I thought he was a nice, decent person. Within a week, I could see he was also incredibly needy and had some serious emotional damage from his childhood and his previous marriage and divorce, and he poured his soul and his needs to me. I am an extremely compassionate person and a great listener. (Who knows, maybe I have a savior complex too.)
Another week passed, and all vsudden, he gave me an engagement ring. I didn't even know what to say. I was not at all thinking about marrying him! We had just met, and honestly, I was dating someone else. But I was afraid that if I said "no" he would become deeply depressed. So I told him I needed to think about it. And we kept seeing each other, and we were BOTH incredibly needy, I hated being alone, was very insecure and worried that I wouldn't meet anyone else who wanted me.
And I thought I could make him happy. Otherwise, why would he have asked me to marry him?
Approximately 5 years later, we got married.
My husband is a good and decent man but I was not in love with him. I just couldn't walk away for fear of hurting him and for fear that would be alone forever.
I'm not proud to admit this. But it's the truth. It's taken me about 20 years to speak it outloud, but it is the unvarnished truth. I will always love him, and consider him my family in a way, but hey, would anyone here marry their brother? We are not compatible, and he has changed, and I don't want to be married to him. I want to have a chance at finding real love. But I know he's getting everything he wants from our marriage (basically a warm body in the house I guess, plus some financial input) so I am sure he'll be upset when I get the courage to tell him I want a divorce. The thing is, I want more than he will ever be able to give. He's just not on the same wave length from me socially, intellectually or values-wise. Sexually, we were not compatible either even when we were having it, but there are far bigger problems than that. I'm just not in love with him and I never was. He deserves a partner who loves him better than I do, and I need someone different, too.
And that, my friends, is the truth.
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Post by baza on Mar 12, 2018 22:34:49 GMT -5
No malice is intended in this comment (and I am as culpable as anyone else in this thread) but fucken hell .... are these the sorriest collections of 'why I got married' reasons you've ever seen ?
Hardly surprising (and again, I am as culpable as anyone else here) that these unions have tanked big time given the shaky base they were built on.
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Post by surfergirl on Mar 13, 2018 12:20:17 GMT -5
Count me in among The Evangelical No Sex Before Marriage victims. I married him despite the red flags because I WANTED TO GET LAID.
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Post by surfergirl on Mar 13, 2018 12:21:18 GMT -5
Count me in among The Evangelical No Sex Before Marriage victims. I married him despite the red flags because I WANTED TO GET LAID. I wanted to get laid. I didn't even get laid on my wedding night. This would be fucking hilarious if it wasn't my life.
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Post by h on Mar 13, 2018 13:42:50 GMT -5
Count me in among The Evangelical No Sex Before Marriage victims. I married him despite the red flags because I WANTED TO GET LAID. I wanted to get laid. I didn't even get laid on my wedding night. This would be fucking hilarious if it wasn't my life. It was my life too.
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Post by JMX on Mar 13, 2018 23:17:04 GMT -5
We got pregnant - which escalated things. However, I moved in with him before that. We had a semi-long-distance relationship early on. We talked and talked and talked. I felt like I really KNEW him.
He was different. He was quiet. He thought before he spoke - unlike me, and unlike most close people in my life. I was fascinated by his composure. He was strong, blonde, tan from working outside and had the most enchanting blue eyes I ever did see. When we walked together - he grabbed my hand and guided me through a crowd. He was protective, loving and kind as well as slow to anger. I always felt safe with him.
I remember times when we were doing it all the time - and I am not kidding - All. The. Time. - and thinking that I wanted him inside of me - in every pore of me and wanting some animalistic type of connection and not really minding if he came inside of me. I remember feeling a bit smug as his cum would run down my legs while I went for groceries. I remember a flash of “I want his children” in the midst. It was not a conscious trap - I cannot explain it well, but there was something animalistic in me that wanted to have his babies - from someone that never really dreamed of a wedding or children, for that matter.
I was not sold on the actual wedding - our families pushed it. But we were really happy and we didn’t mind - we have both said the baby just pushed up the timeline.
We were the best up until she was about two years old and it went downhill.
I can only see a couple of red flags in the rear view but none add up to the hell I have experienced since the oldest baby turned 2.
If any newbies are considering marriage - my advice from my perspective is this: you don’t know anything about abuse and neglect if you haven’t experienced it for yourself. Understand the pitfalls of their upbringing. The good, the bad and the ugly.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2018 0:01:41 GMT -5
I married my wife because we just clicked. I had already been in 4 serious relationships and had dated other women. I had no plans of getting married and did not want to be married. I liked hanging out with my friends and dating.
My wife was different than other women I had dated. She was not as sexual but was a willing student in the beginning. We had great sex even after getting married. We had a friendship and would do everything together all the time. We were best friends and lovers.
We had a lot of things in common with each other. Even to this day, I still have a love for my wife and always will. It's unfortunate that I"m going to have to end my marriage. My marriage was great in the beginning and my wife was a wonderful woman. If I met her today like she was in the past, I would still marry her.
But she changed as she grew older and I changed. We lost a child and she has never really learn to accept that. We grew apart philosophically, politically, and religiously. Today, I find myself working towards a divorce. Something I never would have thought. I don't mourn so much for my current marriage as I do for the woman I use to know.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Mar 14, 2018 0:19:07 GMT -5
We got pregnant - which escalated things. However, I moved in with him before that. We had a semi-long-distance relationship early on. We talked and talked and talked. I felt like I really KNEW him. He was different. He was quiet. He thought before he spoke - unlike me, and unlike most close people in my life. I was fascinated by his composure. He was strong, blonde, tan from working outside and had the most enchanting blue eyes I ever did see. When we walked together - he grabbed my hand and guided me through a crowd. He was protective, loving and kind as well as slow to anger. I always felt safe with him. I remember times when we were doing it all the time - and I am not kidding - All. The. Time. - and thinking that I wanted him inside of me - in every pore of me and wanting some animalistic type of connection and not really minding if he came inside of me. I remember feeling a bit smug as his cum would run down my legs while I went for groceries. I remember a flash of “I want his children” in the midst. It was not a conscious trap - I cannot explain it well, but there was something animalistic in me that wanted to have his babies - from someone that never really dreamed of a wedding or children, for that matter. I was not sold on the actual wedding - our families pushed it. But we were really happy and we didn’t mind - we have both said the baby just pushed up the timeline. We were the best up until she was about two years old and it went downhill. I can only see a couple of red flags in the rear view but none add up to the hell I have experienced since the oldest baby turned 2. If any newbies are considering marriage - my advice from my perspective is this: you don’t know anything about abuse and neglect if you haven’t experienced it for yourself. Understand the pitfalls of their upbringing. The good, the bad and the ugly. I can relate in many ways. Right down to the part of never really wanting to get married. I was going to respond to this thread saying something about the sex when W amd I started, very animalistic. In a way I had never experienced before. But I cannot find the words to say it the way you have described it.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2018 7:17:04 GMT -5
daddeeo and jmx,
It seems like we started out the same. My wife and I had a very animalistic sexual attraction. I remember not getting any sleep and messing around all night. It sounds strange to put it like this but there was a strong element of male and female. My wife and I just fit together in so many ways.
Sometimes even now when we have sex, there is still that fire. It just the rest of the relationship which has collapsed. Time does change people and we move on. Now that I'm older, I realize life has it cycles and you can't hold onto things because they're passing.
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Post by WindSister on Mar 14, 2018 7:44:21 GMT -5
My heart breaks for those of ypu who had deep connections and intimacy with your spouses but then it dried up, stopped and other areas of life turned sour too. It also is my reminder nothing is a guarantee, and that's why I stick around.
I love my now, non-SM husband so much, I can't imagine us being sexless, but if it did end up that way, I don't know. I think I'd be thankful for all my sexy memories and choose to stay and stay faithful. But I'm in the second half of my life, so perhaps that's easier for me to say. Also, that's barring everything else stays positive between us: connected, respectful, sharing joys, intimate (if not sexually, still all the other ways), affectionate, enjoy each other. I can't imagine all of those traits being in place and not being sexual at some level, though, to the best of each person's health as we age.
Love is hard. I still think it's worth it.
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