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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 27, 2018 14:15:20 GMT -5
To be clear, I also read him "The Letter", and a few other things I wrote over the last two weeks to be perfectly transparent in my actions and thoughts. Our relationship can not be based on lies or hiding things from each other.
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 27, 2018 14:45:16 GMT -5
Did you really say, 'I am seeking a side lover, and will be meeting up for munches and such' ? What a deal. Yes I did. I was completely honest and upfront about my involvement in the Fetlife community and seeking a playmate. I am going to a munch to meet several people next Monday at a resteraunt near our house. He immediately agreed to take me there and pick me up, no resistance. Like I said, he understands. And here I thought "munch" was a typo! Haha after a quick google search I am learning so much. I echo previous posters that if this works for you, more power to you! You don't have to conform to society's generally accepted views of marriage if you can find an alternative that works for you both. So congratulations! I hope this will make you happy.
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 27, 2018 14:50:25 GMT -5
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 27, 2018 15:10:21 GMT -5
tiredoftears, if you've found a solution that works for the two of you, then you would seem not to have a problem. But I will point out that there are not two of you, there are three. And the child will learn what's normal from your example. Consider whether this is a model that you'd wish on them; history has shown that your kids will see/know more than you intend.
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Post by h on Feb 27, 2018 15:20:01 GMT -5
Yes I did. I was completely honest and upfront about my involvement in the Fetlife community and seeking a playmate. I am going to a munch to meet several people next Monday at a resteraunt near our house. He immediately agreed to take me there and pick me up, no resistance. Like I said, he understands. And here I thought "munch" was a typo! Haha after a quick google search I am learning so much. I echo previous posters that if this works for you, more power to you! You don't have to conform to society's generally accepted views of marriage if you can find an alternative that works for you both. So congratulations! I hope this will make you happy. I thought she meant "lunch" also. I guess I've led a sheltered life.
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The Letter
Feb 27, 2018 16:14:09 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by tiredoftears on Feb 27, 2018 16:14:09 GMT -5
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Post by hopingforachange on Feb 27, 2018 16:36:25 GMT -5
If I decide in done with my marriage, I'm going to the next one that's happening within driving distance. That and the next rigging lessons.
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Post by tiredoftears on Feb 27, 2018 17:57:50 GMT -5
If I decide in done with my marriage, I'm going to the next one that's happening within driving distance. That and the next rigging lessons. You could go ahead and go. It is not cheating. It is meeting up with a group of potential friends, they just happen to be kinky. 😉
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Post by hopingforachange on Feb 27, 2018 19:11:44 GMT -5
If I decide in done with my marriage, I'm going to the next one that's happening within driving distance. That and the next rigging lessons. You could go ahead and go. It is not cheating. It is meeting up with a group of potential friends, they just happen to be kinky. 😉 Oh when I go it will be for finding more then just potential friends.
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The Letter
Feb 27, 2018 23:59:42 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by lwoetin on Feb 27, 2018 23:59:42 GMT -5
Did you really say, 'I am seeking a side lover, and will be meeting up for munches and such' ? What a deal. Yes I did. I was completely honest and upfront about my involvement in the Fetlife community and seeking a playmate. I am going to a munch to meet several people next Monday at a resteraunt near our house. He immediately agreed to take me there and pick me up, no resistance. Like I said, he understands. I live a sheltered life. I don't understand how you can sustain your marriage long term doing this though. (Perhaps if he was participating.) I thought the Letter would encourage him to exert more effort in meeting your needs.
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 28, 2018 0:03:50 GMT -5
If I decide in done with my marriage, I'm going to the next one that's happening within driving distance. That and the next rigging lessons. When I went to my first munch and my first rope party, I was still looking for ways to fix my marriage, for any magic kink trick, any change in dynamic, that my wife would enjoy. I went to meet people and talk shop. I still do. I am sure the early impression involved speculating what a heterosexual middle aged guy was doing there, alone, but, folks know me, now.
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 28, 2018 6:54:58 GMT -5
[quote author=" ironhamster" I am sure the early impression involved speculating what a heterosexual middle aged guy was doing there, alone, but, folks know me, now. [/quote] I don’t find that odd ironhamster. I suspect that if I were interested in attending a munch, a heterosexual middle aged guy, alone, is exactly what I would be looking for.
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Post by Dan on Feb 28, 2018 7:51:24 GMT -5
Thank you! Like others, I had to Google it, originally considering it either a typo for "lunch"... or a euphemism for meeting a man to have him perform oral sex on you! If I decide in done with my marriage, I'm going to the next one that's happening within driving distance. That and the next rigging lessons. When I went to my first munch and my first rope party, I was still looking for ways to fix my marriage, for any magic kink trick, any change in dynamic, that my wife would enjoy. I went to meet people and talk shop. I still do. I am sure the early impression involved speculating what a heterosexual middle aged guy was doing there, alone, but, folks know me, now. I've been very interested in learning Shibari -- artistic Japanese rope bondage. While the suspension stuff is cool to look at, my initial interest is to learn the type that is mostly "on the body" and not suspended: the resulting work, to me, seems like an ultra sex type of "rope lingerie"... both beautiful on its own, highlighting the female form. And: enhancing sex when the resulting constriction is a turn-on for her, and by providing "handles" (as it were) for some interesting and fun sex! Now I have a glimmer of an idea how to get involved, or at least meet people who are. I share ironhamster 's original concern that "new middle aged solo white guy" can't help but be initially labeled "sad and pervy". I know that unattached males have almost no chance of getting involved with "lifestyle" (swinger) communities, for example. Interesting to hear ironhamster 's report he received at least some measure of acceptance. I don’t find that odd ironhamster . I suspect that if I were interested in attending a munch, a heterosexual middle aged guy, alone, is exactly what I would be looking for. And THAT makes me even more comforted: that there actually are awesome women looking for some experiences other than "missionary in the darkened bedroom". One of the ways that my SM has damaged me is to reinforce the notion that women don't really want sex, and are disinterested -- if not outright turned off -- by anything beyond the vanilla. Anyway, tiredoftears : CONGRATS on what sounds like progress in your relationship! I hope you find some way to receive the sexual stimulation you seek, and am very happy you seem to be doing this with the support of your H.
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Post by Dan on Feb 28, 2018 7:57:55 GMT -5
tiredoftears , if you've found a solution that works for the two of you, then you would seem not to have a problem. But I will point out that there are not two of you, there are three. And the child will learn what's normal from your example. Consider whether this is a model that you'd wish on them; history has shown that your kids will see/know more than you intend. Not sure if DryCreek is referring to the possible appearance of dysfunction between tiredoftears and her husband, or the affect of tiredoftears being involved in extramarital and kinky stuff. In either case, we could do worse than having our kids see "despite differences of opinion (even on deep stuff like marital intimacy), parents can work stuff out" and "in some cases, women have an actual sex drive that is a bit out of the ordinary... but that this has no particular relationship to one being a good parent."
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Post by hopingforachange on Feb 28, 2018 9:06:35 GMT -5
tiredoftears , if you've found a solution that works for the two of you, then you would seem not to have a problem. But I will point out that there are not two of you, there are three. And the child will learn what's normal from your example. Consider whether this is a model that you'd wish on them; history has shown that your kids will see/know more than you intend. Not sure if DryCreek is referring to the possible appearance of dysfunction between tiredoftears and her husband, or the affect of tiredoftears being involved in extramarital and kinky stuff. In either case, we could do worse than having our kids see "despite differences of opinion (even on deep stuff like marital intimacy), parents can work stuff out" and "in some cases, women have an actual sex drive that is a bit out of the ordinary... but that this has no particular relationship to one being a good parent." I would argue that most people have a kink but are to afraid or ashamed to let it out, so they repress it. I have a few friends that have figured thiers out later in life and it has helped thier marriages out.
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