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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2018 14:54:40 GMT -5
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Post by obobfla on Feb 18, 2018 14:56:37 GMT -5
Yes. I met my first on a forum much like this one.
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 18, 2018 15:12:57 GMT -5
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 18, 2018 16:06:51 GMT -5
Yes at times but not entirely. Not as bad as my marriage and not a shithole marriage.
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Post by snowman12345 on Feb 18, 2018 16:16:27 GMT -5
No. She is very sexually active. I am not her only partner. She has never been married.
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Post by Dan on Feb 18, 2018 16:21:11 GMT -5
Yes. Well, I was typically seeking a married AP. I didn't specifically seek out those in an SM, but that was pretty much the situation. I did date a few single moms, too. They were looking for some intimate companionship, but NOT someone to be an "IRL boyfriend" (stay over at their place, meet the kids, etc.)
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 18, 2018 16:38:14 GMT -5
Yes. And due to that shared experience it makes us closer because we understand what it is like for the other.
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Post by surfergirl on Feb 18, 2018 16:46:43 GMT -5
Surfergirl has not had a proper affair. Please take me off the list. 😜
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2018 16:51:56 GMT -5
That's sort of the direction I'm interested in. It seems to me an affair with someone in the same situation would have some significant advantages - mutual understanding as you mention, as well as mutual need that is roughly on par with each other. I think it would be hard for an "outsider" to truly understand the loneliness and the need for touch and companionship and intimacy along with actual, hopefully fantastic, sex. Also two people in SMs would have a shared understanding of the need for discretion. But, as I believe you have said before, communication is key. If one has expectations that the other doesn't share, it could be pretty ugly, I guess. I can see it can be complicated. But...what isn't?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2018 17:45:02 GMT -5
Yes. Totally sexless. Poor guy. Didn’t get it from the wife. Didn’t get it from me. He chose the wrong AP! Lol.
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 18, 2018 21:28:37 GMT -5
That's sort of the direction I'm interested in. It seems to me an affair with someone in the same situation would have some significant advantages - mutual understanding as you mention, as well as mutual need that is roughly on par with each other. I think it would be hard for an "outsider" to truly understand the loneliness and the need for touch and companionship and intimacy along with actual, hopefully fantastic, sex. Also two people in SMs would have a shared understanding of the need for discretion. But, as I believe you have said before, communication is key. If one has expectations that the other doesn't share, it could be pretty ugly, I guess. I can see it can be complicated. But...what isn't? When I started looking at outsourcing, I theorized that I would only play with married women, because 1. they would not have expectations for things I could not give them, and 2. they would be less likely to expose our relationship because most would have more to lose.
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Post by elkclan2 on Feb 19, 2018 2:50:31 GMT -5
yes, my AP was in a sexless marriage, but definitely not a shithole marriage. They get on very well and do lots of stuff together and have shared goals. I never heard him complain about her in anything but a really 'normal' way although the sexlessness troubled him, obviously
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2018 17:36:28 GMT -5
I've considered affairs in the past and I have no moral issues with affairs, especially in SM.
For myself, an affair would be a band-aid for a gun shot wound. My SM has caused me to do some serious personal changes in my own life. I used my situation as a tool for growth. If I'm unhappy enough to cheat, then I need to find a way out of my marriage.
So I've used my SM for something positive in my life. I'm a much better person now thanks to my SM. I've come to learn that I value independence and freedom more than my relationship with my wife. Not only this, but the realization that I can only make myself happy not someone else. I have to be happy now, not from some external circumstance or person.
In my situation, an affair would have prolonged the suffering. I'm not suggesting that everyone follow my path. It works for me.
A side benefit of my change has been in my family and friends. My wife respects me and my children look up to me.
There is peace and stability in my house. My wife and children are also making positive changes in their life. This all started with accepting responsibility for my own faults and issues.
Even though, I'll be leaving my marriage. It does not mean there has to be derision in my house.
It may sound crazy to some, but I'm thankful for my SM. I would have just continued along in my life. It awoke me from my slumber to a much more rewarding life.
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Post by lwoetin on Feb 22, 2018 18:48:45 GMT -5
I've considered affairs in the past and I have no moral issues with affairs, especially in SM. For myself, an affair would be a band-aid for a gun shot wound. My SM has caused me to do some serious personal changes in my own life. I used my situation as a tool for growth. If I'm unhappy enough to cheat, then I need to find a way out of my marriage. So I've used my SM for something positive in my life. I'm a much better person now thanks to my SM. I've come to learn that I value independence and freedom more than my relationship with my wife. Not only this, but the realization that I can only make myself happy not someone else. I have to be happy now, not from some external circumstance or person. In my situation, an affair would have prolonged the suffering. I'm not suggesting that everyone follow my path. It works for me. A side benefit of my change has been in my family and friends. My wife respects me and my children look up to me. There is peace and stability in my house. My wife and children are also making positive changes in their life. This all started with accepting responsibility for my own faults and issues. Even though, I'll be leaving my marriage. It does not mean there has to be derision in my house. It may sound crazy to some, but I'm thankful for my SM. I would have just continued along in my life. It awoke me from my slumber to a much more rewarding life. good to hear from you. I'm surprised and sorry it didn't work out. Things were improving last I heard from you. OK, question for you...Will your wife, kids, family and friends still respect you after you leave? Would their opinion matter?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2018 22:32:31 GMT -5
It may sound crazy to some, but I'm thankful for my SM. I would have just continued along in my life. It awoke me from my slumber to a much more rewarding life. Not crazy at all @heraclitus. I totally agree and have learned more about myself from being in a SM than through most any other adversity I’ve encountered. I know I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if I hadn’t been so shut out by my H and had to go searching for myself. That’s a good thing, Elle finding Elle and learning to love her. Good for you and thank you for the update.
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