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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jan 21, 2018 4:02:26 GMT -5
I’ve been giving this topic a lot of thought over the past few days, and I suppose I feel there *could* be other options:
- Stay, and attempt to “cure” yourself of the need for intimacy (IOW, accept a purely platonic arrangement). This is what I’d be doing since we don’t hug, kiss, cuddle, etc.
- Stay, and attempt to rekindle the romance so as to have a love-based marriage (that is, albeit, sexless)
- Get your spouse into therapy so that they may work through whatever issues impede them from being intimate with you
And a couple I've encountered elsewhere on the web:
- Outsource with a same-sex partner (e.g. bringing another woman into the Marriage; obviously works well if the wife is into girls)
- A “permanent solution” (a guy I encountered on another site was absolutely serious about doing this... sadly)
Probably the most unusual one I’ve heard of:
- Quit your day job, get a business license, lease space and open a sex shop (there’s a woman on Maui who did this 30 years ago; she’s in her 80s now and it’s the family business now. I think it spiced her marriage back up, though I have a hard time believing hers was sexless to begin with).
Just a few thoughts.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 21, 2018 8:35:31 GMT -5
Anything that works is a coping strategy. Up to, and including, putting ones head in the stand and denying it is happening. It is a short term strategy for sure, but it works for a while for most people. The sand one is the most common strategy, isn't it? Seems like everyone uses that one at some point.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2018 8:44:18 GMT -5
The sand one is the most common strategy, isn't it? Seems like everyone uses that one at some point. See the "excuses" thread. Putting one's head in the sand comes after believing the excuses, and being sympathetic towards them, for a period of time. After the sand comes the realization that the trust in the marriage itself is in jeopardy. Sexlessness is bad enough, but losing trust in the partner is where is seems a lot of the SMs start accelerating downhill.
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Post by M2G on Jan 21, 2018 9:02:45 GMT -5
Outsource, outsource, and more outsource - with different women who aren't looking for attachment either.
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 21, 2018 10:22:48 GMT -5
I left and recently saw a lawyer. Best decision of my life. STBX is in rage mode. Threatening to sue me if I tell co workers the reason for our split. I laughed. What a joke!! I would have told him if he sues you then you will give him something to sue you over and rent a billboard on the highway telling the entire city. I think his threats are as workable as his dick! Good luck to you!! You will be just fine.
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 21, 2018 10:26:06 GMT -5
I left and recently saw a lawyer. Best decision of my life. STBX is in rage mode. Threatening to sue me if I tell co workers the reason for our split. I laughed. That kind of threat might lead to renting a billboard. We think alike. I just read this and I suggested the same thing. Great minds!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2018 9:31:17 GMT -5
My guess is that Stay will be the most commonly chosen option, followed by Leaving/Left, then Outsourcing. But I could be wrong. Your prediction seems to be coming true.
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Post by baza on Jan 24, 2018 2:06:12 GMT -5
The vast majority here are "thinking about leaving, albeit not actually doing anything about it. 48%. Next come the "stayers" 36% Bringing up the rear are those "actively engaged in getting out". 16% That's been shown time after time in here (and the old EP group) In my sampling, I have always discarded the "leavers" as being no longer relevant. However, if you want to know how that looked, including the leavers, then here you go - Staying ------------------------------------------------------------------24% Thinking about leaving, albeit not doing anything --------------------31% Actively in process of leaving ------------------------------------------11% Left ----------------------------------------------------------------------34% Main reason I discard the "leavers" is because they are no longer wrestling with the issue of what they are going to do. They've done it. Tagged - choosinghappy and @shynjdude who have expressed an interest in the subject.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2018 6:05:25 GMT -5
bazaMy reason for wanting to know how many leavers there are were slightly different. I wanted to know the percentage of leavers who are still active in this forum.
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