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Post by Dan on Jan 19, 2018 14:47:55 GMT -5
There are grey areas, too. I picked outsourcing, but the marriage is now in a tailspin, unofficially over, but it will take time to unwind. I didn't vote, because like ironhamster , I would say "I'm in a grey area". I feel I'm: - not really "staying", because I increasingly feel "I can't stay with her much longer".
- not really "outsourcing", in that I'm not seeing anyone now, nor actively seeking... but know I'm so missing touch and a intimate connection that I probably would indulge again if the opportunity presented itself with the right person.
- not really "leaving" as I haven't seen a lawyer or had The Talk, but I am scheduled to see a financial planner who specializes in divorce, and have a short list of lawyers I envision going to for a consultation probably this spring.
bballgirl answered "all of the above". I guess my answer is the opposite: "exactly none of the above, but inbetween each of the options exactly". In quantum physics, this condition is called a superposition. So I guess my wave equation is: Ψ(Dan) = ⅓|staying⟩ + ⅓|outsourcing⟩ + ⅓|leaving⟩
OK, well, I'll have to check my math on that one. Maybe the constant should be sqrt(1/3)... but in any case I'd say there is a very high probability my wave function will collapse to exactly one of those state in the next two years.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2018 14:57:55 GMT -5
DanBy the definitions of the poll, this is "Stay." Unless wife knows and agrees that you guys are splitting and the timing isn't right yet.
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Post by lwoetin on Jan 19, 2018 15:38:00 GMT -5
There are grey areas, too. I picked outsourcing, but the marriage is now in a tailspin, unofficially over, but it will take time to unwind. I didn't vote, because like ironhamster , I would say "I'm in a grey area". I feel I'm: - not really "staying", because I increasingly feel "I can't stay with her much longer".
- not really "outsourcing", in that I'm not seeing anyone now, nor actively seeking... but know I'm so missing touch and a intimate connection that I probably would indulge again if the opportunity presented itself with the right person.
- not really "leaving" as I haven't seen a lawyer or had The Talk, but I am scheduled to see a financial planner who specializes in divorce, and have a short list of lawyers I envision going to for a consultation probably this spring.
bballgirl answered "all of the above". I guess my answer is the opposite: "exactly none of the above, but inbetween each of the options exactly". In quantum physics, this is called a superposition. So I guess my wave equation is: Ψ(Dan) = ⅓|staying⟩ + ⅓|outsourcing⟩ + ⅓|leaving⟩
OK, well, I'll have to check my math on that one. Maybe the constant should be sqrt(1/3)... but in any case I'd say there is a very high probability my wave function will collapse to exactly one of those state in the next two years. I am surprised that you gave each option equal probability.
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Post by baza on Jan 19, 2018 17:21:43 GMT -5
Back in 2016 I put up a poll asking where people were in the process. The choices were - Staying. Thinking about leaving. Actively in the process of leaving. Left.
Once the poll closed after a month, I discarded all the votes for those who had left (as they are not relevant, no longer actively engaged in their ILIASM shithole) so the figures reflected only those who were still actively in an ILIASM shithole.
Here's how it span out.
Staying ----------------------------------------------- 36% Thinking about leaving -------------------------------- 48% Actively in the process of leaving ----------------- ---16%
Fact is, the vast majority of people "stay" though they may "think about leaving" (with various degrees of seriousness), "leaving" is the least preferred option unsurprisingly, given that it is the most disruptive of the options.
Since that poll, assorted newbies have arrived and they'd go straight intoi the "staying" group. Some of the original "stayers" will have moved over to the "thinking about leaving" group. Some of the "thinking about leaving" lot will have moved on to the "actively in the process of leaving" people Some of the "actively in the process of leaving" group will by now, have left.
I would imagine that the %'s back then would still be reflective of today. The bald figures are that 16% are in the process of getting out. And 84% are not.
Now this is a further observation (not strictly relevant to the above issue) In all my years here (and the old EP - coming up 9 years) apart from 2 outliers, I have never seen one of those "leavers" come back here saying - "well that was a huge mistake and I would really like to be back in that ILIASM shithole"
So leaving might not be the popular choice, but it sure is effective in bringing the ILIASM shithole to resolution so you can get on with the rest of your life.
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Post by ihadalove on Jan 19, 2018 18:29:21 GMT -5
There are grey areas, too. I picked outsourcing, but the marriage is now in a tailspin, unofficially over, but it will take time to unwind. I didn't vote, because like ironhamster , I would say "I'm in a grey area". I feel I'm: - not really "staying", because I increasingly feel "I can't stay with her much longer".
- not really "outsourcing", in that I'm not seeing anyone now, nor actively seeking... but know I'm so missing touch and a intimate connection that I probably would indulge again if the opportunity presented itself with the right person.
- not really "leaving" as I haven't seen a lawyer or had The Talk, but I am scheduled to see a financial planner who specializes in divorce, and have a short list of lawyers I envision going to for a consultation probably this spring.
This describes where I'm at. What a rollercoaster!
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Post by shamwow on Jan 19, 2018 19:06:01 GMT -5
I view it differently. I only see two choices: stay or leave.
Outsourcing seems to be a coping strategy to deal with staying or a way to pass the time / fulfill a need as you're on the way out.
But in the end, you're still only choosing between stay or leave.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 19, 2018 20:46:58 GMT -5
Gone. Moved out 6 months ago and divorce hearing this coming Wednesday.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 19, 2018 20:52:30 GMT -5
Gone. Moved out 6 months ago and divorce hearing this coming Wednesday. Good luck brother!
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 19, 2018 20:54:22 GMT -5
Gone. Moved out 6 months ago and divorce hearing this coming Wednesday. Good luck brother! Thank you.
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Post by idgaf96 on Jan 19, 2018 21:12:39 GMT -5
I'm outsourcing at the moment however I plan on leaving at some point. It is hard with preteen kids. Staying is not an option for me.
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on Jan 20, 2018 6:30:34 GMT -5
I left and recently saw a lawyer. Best decision of my life. STBX is in rage mode. Threatening to sue me if I tell co workers the reason for our split. I laughed.
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tori
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on Jan 20, 2018 6:37:46 GMT -5
Gone. Moved out 6 months ago and divorce hearing this coming Wednesday. Good for you!!!I am in this process myself and while difficult and at times depressing, it’s also empowering. Best wishes for a speedy divorce.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 20, 2018 6:57:51 GMT -5
Gone. Moved out 6 months ago and divorce hearing this coming Wednesday. Good for you!!!I am in this process myself and while difficult and at times depressing, it’s also empowering. Best wishes for a speedy divorce. Best wishes to you too.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 20, 2018 8:04:38 GMT -5
I left and recently saw a lawyer. Best decision of my life. STBX is in rage mode. Threatening to sue me if I tell co workers the reason for our split. I laughed. Wants to keep it quiet via lawsuit...interesting.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 20, 2018 11:46:13 GMT -5
I left and recently saw a lawyer. Best decision of my life. STBX is in rage mode. Threatening to sue me if I tell co workers the reason for our split. I laughed. My ex had an excuse at the ready in case the sexlessness came up: for 20 years she couldn’t have sex with me because there was no emotional connection. For 20 years. I didn’t even bother making it an issue. Why bother.
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