Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2018 11:39:53 GMT -5
Curious about the current makeup of ILIASM.
For the purposes of this poll, "outsource" means having outsourced in the past 12 months or actively planning to do so in the near future. Outsourcing includes video and phone sex. (Your own call on cyber or email sex.) If you have outsourced more than 12 months ago and are still staying, choose "stay."
"Leaving/Left" means either the legal process has begun or both partners know that they will split sooner rather than later.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 19, 2018 11:57:43 GMT -5
My guess is that Stay will be the most commonly chosen option, followed by Leaving/Left, then Outsourcing. But I could be wrong.
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Post by ironhamster on Jan 19, 2018 12:03:16 GMT -5
There are grey areas, too. I picked outsourcing, but the marriage is now in a tailspin, unofficially over, but it will take time to unwind.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2018 12:04:17 GMT -5
I think there are a lot of people here who are Leaving/Left. But that's why I'm asking!
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Post by h on Jan 19, 2018 12:06:41 GMT -5
Staying for now while I work up the courage to see a lawyer.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2018 12:06:54 GMT -5
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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 19, 2018 12:07:54 GMT -5
I read something recently where baza gave a stat that as of summer of 2016 the makeup of the forum was about 16% Leaving/Left, if I am remembering correctly. I thought it would be higher. Perhaps it's just that the Leaving/Left folks are more vocal and the Stay folks more focused on making their marriages as workable as possible.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2018 12:09:46 GMT -5
I missed that one. If I had seen it, I might not have done this
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Post by orangepeel on Jan 19, 2018 12:16:05 GMT -5
I voted Stay in the understandable absence of Stay With Diverting Peccadilloes category.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 19, 2018 12:18:24 GMT -5
I read something recently where baza gave a stat that as of summer of 2016 the makeup of the forum was about 16% Leaving/Left, if I am remembering correctly. I thought it would be higher. Perhaps it's just that the Leaving/Left folks are more vocal and the Stay folks more focused on making their marriages as workable as possible. That's a good guess! leaving/left is a whole new world that deserves a lot of support and discussion.
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 19, 2018 12:32:24 GMT -5
All 3 apply to me:
I was married 23 years and outsourced the last 2. I then left- started the legal process and divorced. For a year and a half I dated, had fun, had time alone and a steady fwb who I still have.
I've been divorced 2 years.
About 6 months ago I missed my ex and the companionship that we shared, the family unit, the comfort, the stability, and a lot more, just not sex.
So I told him I missed him and if we could try again. He immediately said yes. We are divorced. We do not share our sexuality. We are friends. We are co parents. We love each other.
I am happy.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jan 19, 2018 12:41:30 GMT -5
"I am happy." That's what's important bballgirl ! How do you "try again" with no sexual component? It sounds like you are more than just friends/companions and coparents. Are you living together or plan to again?
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 19, 2018 13:07:25 GMT -5
"I am happy." That's what's important bballgirl ! How do you "try again" with no sexual component? It sounds like you are more than just friends/companions and coparents. Are you living together or plan to again? We are living together again. I moved back this month. We had a date night earlier this week- very spontaneous, dinner and a movie. How do you try again? - great question I was shocked that I wanted to when those emotions came to me. Acceptance and the fact that I only wanted casual sex were big factors for me. I also do not desire sex with him so we are compatible in that area. I also realized that despite the lack of sex he does love me. So we gave each other a second chance.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 19, 2018 13:33:54 GMT -5
Divorced 20 months ago in May of 2016. Not the least bit sorry about divorcing, although I do miss the companionship we shared. If I could have worked out a deal like baseball girl i would probably still be with her.
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Post by lostintime on Jan 19, 2018 14:14:55 GMT -5
Stay. Its complicated whey you have kids
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