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Post by M2G on Dec 31, 2017 5:57:15 GMT -5
I used to just ask what she wanted; even did so the last time we had reset sex - yet here I am, anyway.
Maybe she just wants nothing?
Great! I can do nothing! I must be a perfect lover?!
<sigh>
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Post by Dan on Jan 4, 2018 22:15:15 GMT -5
None of you ... are my wife, are you? Please say you’re not! I DEFINITELY don't want to have sex with you. So... maybe I am!
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Post by orangepeel on Jan 5, 2018 0:39:07 GMT -5
None of you ... are my wife, are you? Please say you’re not! I DEFINITELY don't want to have sex with you. So... maybe I am! Now Dan,I’ve already borne witness to your wisdom, but now I can add wit to that. I’m starting to think you’re the full package and now want to sleep with you myself!
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Post by Dan on Jan 5, 2018 9:59:37 GMT -5
I DEFINITELY don't want to have sex with you. So... maybe I am! Now Dan,I’ve already borne witness to your wisdom, but now I can add wit to that. I’m starting to think you’re the full package and now want to sleep with you myself! Sorry, orangepeel ... I'm not so into oranges... or bananas. I'm much more into juicy melons... and papaya: Oh how I love a ripe... waiting... wanton... papaya!
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Post by orangepeel on Jan 5, 2018 12:05:09 GMT -5
Well I’m with you: it’s been five years!
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 12, 2018 12:15:43 GMT -5
OMG I’ve just had a terrible thought! I’ve been counter-refusing for so long now (as in not initiating) that I’m wondering whether my W (who is assiduously not initiating too) is on this site thinking I’m the refuser! None of you ladies are my wife, are you? Please say you’re not! [br As a result of your lack of initiation/counter refusing, have there been any consequences? Such as suspicions that you are cheating, a lack of self esteem in your partner, odd questions here and there that wouldn’t normally be asked when you were initiating sex, any unusual flirting from your partner and so on?
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Post by orangepeel on Jan 14, 2018 4:36:33 GMT -5
OMG I’ve just had a terrible thought! I’ve been counter-refusing for so long now (as in not initiating) that I’m wondering whether my W (who is assiduously not initiating too) is on this site thinking I’m the refuser! None of you ladies are my wife, are you? Please say you’re not! [br As a result of your lack of initiation/counter refusing, have there been any consequences? Such as suspicions that you are cheating, a lack of self esteem in your partner, odd questions here and there that wouldn’t normally be asked when you were initiating sex, any unusual flirting from your partner and so on? Nothing. Nil. Rien. Nada. Zilch. That’s ultimately the greatest insult of all: it’s one thing for your spouse to refuse you (hell, we’ve all had that!), but it’s another more terrible thing entirely for them to simply NOT NOTICE!
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Post by sweetplumeria on Jan 14, 2018 7:14:37 GMT -5
I actually have no desire for my husband at all anymore. Its weird to write that.
I cant remember, 2012 was the last time. An ackward moment in 2013.
lol, I am not your wife so dont be bummed when I say I took a lover.
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Post by orangepeel on Jan 14, 2018 7:57:38 GMT -5
I actually have no desire for my husband at all anymore. Its weird to write that. I cant remember, 2012 was the last time. An ackward moment in 2013. lol, I am not your wife so dont be bummed when I say I took a lover. Are you sure? 2012 was the last time for me too.....
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 14, 2018 10:15:19 GMT -5
[br As a result of your lack of initiation/counter refusing, have there been any consequences? Such as suspicions that you are cheating, a lack of self esteem in your partner, odd questions here and there that wouldn’t normally be asked when you were initiating sex, any unusual flirting from your partner and so on? Nothing. Nil. Rien. Nada. Zilch. That’s ultimately the greatest insult of all: it’s one thing for your spouse to refuse you (hell, we’ve all had that!), but it’s another more terrible thing entirely for them to simply NOT NOTICE! It’s demoralising isn’t it!
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Post by orangepeel on Jan 14, 2018 10:53:33 GMT -5
It’s the ultimate: the nirvana of negation.
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Post by sweetplumeria on Jan 14, 2018 14:35:31 GMT -5
but it’s another more terrible thing entirely for them to simply NOT NOTICE![/quote]
That was my life too. The last time we attempted sex my husband came to me and said, I took a pill, and walked away. For some reason after 16 years of begging, pleading, negotiating, and waiting I took a pill didnt do it for me. In fact, it had quite the opposite effect. I was worth that much effort,that much forplay. I am not sure if that was better or worse than blatant disregard. My husband never noticed missing sex either. When I used to tell him it had bern 3 months, 4 months he was surprised and he wasnt sure i was right. So beware, questioning your validity on this matter also happens. You will feel crazy because it is crazy.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 14, 2018 14:50:02 GMT -5
When I moved out of the bedroom and started sleeping on the couch and then moved into a spare bedroom, my now ex husband said nothing. I guess he felt that I was finally taking his many hints such as his going to bed hours after me, not fucking me and his moving away from him when I touched him in my sleep.
I think in most cases we simply are refusing to accept our spouse’s words and actions indicating they never have no interest in or enjoyment of sex with us.
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Post by Apocrypha on Jan 15, 2018 15:53:39 GMT -5
"Counter-refusal" is an aversion to sexual intimacy with a person for a reason. Just like your spouse has an aversion to sexual intimacy with YOU for a reason. That reason might not be spoken of or thought through with any degree of cognizance, but there is a reason, even if it's simply "I'm not that into you."
As such, "Counter-refusal" is a bit like the word "reverse-racism" - the prefix adds no valuable information about the behavior and serves to offload one's agency to the partner.
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Post by orangepeel on Jan 15, 2018 16:25:40 GMT -5
"Counter-refusal" is an aversion to sexual intimacy with a person for a reason. Just like your spouse has an aversion to sexual intimacy with YOU for a reason. That reason might not be spoken of or thought through with any degree of cognizance, but there is a reason, even if it's simply "I'm not that into you." As such, "Counter-refusal" is a bit like the word "reverse-racism" - the prefix adds no valuable information about the behavior and serves to offload one's agency to the partner. Fair enough: guilty as charged.
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