Waking up to clarity and my own boundries Nov 10, 2017 6:25:40 GMT -5 GeekGoddess, misssunnybunny, and 5 more like this
Post by miles2go on Nov 10, 2017 6:25:40 GMT -5
When we parted ways last night, me to an empty bed and my wife to beer and computer (as has been the norm for about 20 years) I made a gentle attempt to brush the hair off of her face that she deftly and gently avoided. This was not unexpected. Sleeping on that, I woke up with a bit of clarity and decided to put some boundaries of my own in place.
- No more duty kisses. It's just silly, keeping up that facade, and meaningless. I refuse to keep doing it.
- No more bowing to the pressure of sitting on the couch watching TV all night. I'll do what I want. I refuse the 2 choices I'm usually given: "watch TV or work on the house."
- No more touching. Very frankly the touching thing just depresses me. It reminds me too much of what's missing and I'm done chasing. I will refuse that and spare myself the ongoing hurt.
- No more engaging in fruitless discussions RE our marriage - it's pretty much a dead horse. I refuse to keep trying to jump-start it, alone.
- No more responding to demands on my time that are unreasonable and beyond what one would expect of a roommate or a homeowner, and I refuse to JADE about it.
- No more engaging in any discussions RE: sexuality. She's made it clear that she's not interested in me that way so its out of bounds. I will refuse any attempt on her part to broach this subject. Such attempts will be met with Medium Chill.
- No more denying myself sexual intimacy. If at some point I choose another partner to share my body with, I will open the marriage at that point and she, as well, can do the same any time she chooses - as roommates I think that's totally reasonable. The marriage has essentially been terminated already - it's just missing a piece of paper and I refuse pretend anymore that it can be unilaterally fixed.
- No more sharing the same bedroom (This won't be easy to do since I have a piano that will need to be removed to make room for a bed). I refuse to be teased, knowing that for a couple hours each day she's naked there beside me.
We simply don't have the financial resources to split up at this point. There is too much debt, and it would be wrong of me to leave her with no credit rating, not to mention that our pets still require a home. Once her dadmonster passes she will have a good chunk of cash coming to her that (in this state) will be untouchable by any divorce. This could take anywhere from 10 minutes to 10 years to happen though. Meanwhile I'm looking for a good attorney. I want to be fair about this but it's prudent to get ahead of it.
Not looking forward to her reaction - not sure if she will be upset or relieved - from where I stand it's 50/50.
For me, I will follow one of my favorite "British-isms:" Keep calm & carry on.
Links: some of you who are still in your SMs (or have other difficult people in your life that you can't easily avoid) may value the JADE and Medium Chill links above.