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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 6, 2023 10:44:43 GMT -5
good morning my fellow sexless people, Moose here, 68 M, havent had any sexual contact with my wife for god knows how long, probaly more then 12 years, and its been limited since she went thru the Big M in her early 40s. I'm a bitter lonley sad old man who hung in there hoping for a medical breakthrough like female viagra. That might have helped if my wife had chosen to see an MD in the past 25+ years. I found this site via Dr Psych Mom's facebook post yesterday. Its reasuring to know I'm not alone Welcome to the forum theoldmoose....You are obviously in the staying camp so I would recommend reading in that theme 1st. You may find some coping mechanisms or you may have some to offer the rest of the folks there. When and if you feel so inclined you may feel like sharing more of your married history with the members.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 4, 2023 8:45:00 GMT -5
Sex is like air,...It doesn't seem that important unless you aren't getting any.....Anonamous
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 3, 2023 18:19:57 GMT -5
I'm back ... I'm not sure if this is where I need to be but, I want to give it another try. I hope you are all well I don't recall haveing seen you post before. If you are a member returning under a new name kindly let us know so we can read up on your history.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 29, 2023 5:43:45 GMT -5
I asked her for clearance. She means no sapphires, but maybe a gift of commesurate value. I want for nothing, except maybe my legs to work again. She hates sex for a reason, so balks at sex on anniversaries, birthdays etc. Has she shared that reason with you? And will you share it with us? It isn't often a refuser actually puts forth the reason behind their actions.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 27, 2023 12:01:34 GMT -5
Hi. I am really becoming frustrated and I don't know where to turn. I have been married for 16yrs now I have two kids and a 'wonderful' wife. The only thing our relationship lacks is intimacy / affection and sex. The subject has been raised several times in our marriage and usually ends up in an argument. I have run out of energy and refuse to discuss it anymore and I am looking for some support /suggestions and solutions. welcome to the forum andrew,....Many members (including me) have posted that eveerything is good, except the sex. If only intimacy was happening then the marriage would be perfect. Most who do a real down and dirty analysis of other aspects of the union often conclude things are not as good as they 1st opined. But let me ask. When the discussions about the marriage being sexless occur, does your W offer any explaination? How does she defend her actions or lack thereof? Unfortunately, your current position of refusing to discuss it anymore is exactly the place your W wants you to be. Not being troubled by you about intimacy is exactly what she hopes for going forward. If you are looking for support in staying in the marriage I can't offer much of that. I understand why you are doing it. The kids, finances, you still love her, etc. But if I were you I would not willingly religate myself to remaining sexless until the kids are out of school or longer. Who knows what will happen healthwise to either of you. You could end up as her caregiver for the rest of your life. I would just suggest you consider other options, such as talking to her about opening the marriage or going along with a "don't ask, don't tell" approach to getting your intimacy needs addressed. It's worth a try. What's can she do, threaten to cut off the sex?
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 19, 2023 8:52:20 GMT -5
Hello, I am 38 and I have been married to my H for almost 13y now and have had problems with intimacy since the beginning of our marriage. I thought I was something with me because I could not understand how a young couple, recently married, did not have sex frequently. He used to say he was tired, and if I asked any questions about it, he would make me feel bad / guilty for asking. The years went by, and, of course, things got worse... I have no idea how long it's been since we've had sex. The thing is, it is not only about lack of intimacy and emotional neglect anymore, it is about the marriage has become. We are way too distant now and, I honestly don't think am will ever get better, but I don't have the courage or the strength to leave. In one of our talks he said he had been in a sexless relationship before, but he only admitted to that 1y ago. It feels like I am never going to happy again. I know it's a stupid thing to say, but that is exactly how I feel. I am sorry for such a long intro... it has been a hard day... Hello Vanessa,...I just found your posts and I took the time to read them and the responses from other members here. I don't have a lot to add to their advice but i do have an observation. If this is his 2nd SM, that speaks volumns about where things are headed. Other posts here where a refuser has admitted to being in another sexless relatonship are inconsistant, sometimes the poster is the refused, other times the poster is now the refuser. But one thing is consistant, the sexless aspect of the relatonship never improves. Reading your post doesn't give me the feeling your situation would likely be the 1st to turn around. You have gotten some good analysis from the other members, and some good advise. If you were a man I would say "gird up your loins" and start preping for things to end in the not too distant future. It reads like a likely sinenerio.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 18, 2023 19:31:53 GMT -5
Mirrorcrchid,.... I suggest the Asheville area. The Billtmore House is worth an entire day. Really good wine, and meals used to be reasonably priced last time i was there. In addition there are numerous waterfalls in the area, any # of wineries. About an hr away is Linville falls an caverns. There is white water raftong if you go for that also at Ashville. Minor league baseball can be found in Ashville, Hickory and Charlotte. About 2 hrs from Asheville to Charlotte for the US kiack training facility that also has a short zip line.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 18, 2023 17:52:15 GMT -5
May I ask if the option for you to have a FWB has ever been discussed? As your W is physically impaired and unable to enjoy intimacy has she offeded any explaination or rational for not encouraging you to get your needs met elsewhere? And is it's the case, why is oral off the table? I am of of coarse assuming she is against such an approach. Perhaps you are not inclined to go in that direction either. And I can certainly empathise with your unfortunate status when a small ray of hope appears and is suddenly snuffed out.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 17, 2023 16:32:35 GMT -5
Thing is, if I start dating again and she has no sex drive then I’m not interested. I had a pretty good wife minus the fact she never wanted sex and spent all our money on herself. Not being broke and doing whatever I want has been pretty nice, it’s just boring. I finally found a site where there are is a fairly large community of females in my age demoghaphic and who actually live reasonably close to me. It's Our Time. So far several ladies have reached out to me and I have initiated several conversations. A couple look to be promising. One lady i am talking with (1st conversation) was also in a SM. When the conversation turned to sex she was very forthcoming on what she likes. She emphasised there are alot of things partners can do with each other. So this looks pretty promising. I have high hopes for a couple of the other ladies as well. Time will tell. UPDATE: Had a coffee/breakfast meet with the 1st woman I met on Our Time. In her picture she was pleasantly plump. She said she had lost weight. But she clearly was heavier than when the pictures were made. So she is pretty heavy now. We had a good conversation and breakfast but unless/until she sheds a bunch of weight I will not be persueing her. So the trials and trivulations of life in the dating pool continue.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 17, 2023 5:38:24 GMT -5
wow lessingham,....I had to look it up. 45yrs... Now to answer your question.....I have't got a clue....
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 16, 2023 10:26:18 GMT -5
I'm guessing like Jim44444 that you saw an attorney and have started the process of seperating yourself from your H. Good for you and the best of luck going forward.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 15, 2023 18:22:09 GMT -5
greatcoastal,...sorry to read about Ava's passing. I hope you are not greatly impacted by her passing. I do have to say you are one of the the most patient and forgiving people I know of. I would not have put up with half the BS you took from this woman.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 15, 2023 6:50:28 GMT -5
It wasn't until the very end that I quit trying to initiate. I am a slow learner at times. My X moved out of the bedroom to avoid my advances and efforts to get her pants off. It was about that time I really started looking for answeres as to what was going on. I fortunately found the old EP site where SM was a topic. It helped me immensely. I have met a new woman and I hope to be initiating again very soon.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 15, 2023 6:39:09 GMT -5
Thing is, if I start dating again and she has no sex drive then I’m not interested. I had a pretty good wife minus the fact she never wanted sex and spent all our money on herself. Not being broke and doing whatever I want has been pretty nice, it’s just boring. Good to hear you're finding some of the post-SM positive. You were in a dark place for quite a while. What's the boring part? Just the lack of companionship? (for now. You got this.) Did I say or imply boring?. Never ment to do that. What it is is frustrating. I knew there have to be ladies in my age demographic who still want intimacy and sex. I just have to find out where they are. Right now Our Time is looking pretty positive. A lot of ladies in my age demographic and many are close. Talking to 1 woman(was in a SM)last night. See was telling me she likes kinky stuff, although she didn't say what specifically, The subject was role playing. She says she has a lot of outfits just for that. I get the feeling talking to her she can't want to get in my bed. We also touched on oral and anal so she also enjoys those. Yep,...Our Time may be the elixer I have been looking for.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 15, 2023 6:23:37 GMT -5
lonelygirlcity,....Given the age of your H he could well be suffering from low testosterone. His T levels may have been low or lower than nomal during his 1st marriage as well. Maybe even for his entire life. Many males do not recognise the signs of low T (like having a low or nonexistant libido) in themselves. And if they do, some see it as something not to be talked about, even with their doctor. A thyroid problen can also make sex problematic. If he hasn't done so I would suggest a medical exam. A couple blood tests will tell if either of these issues nay be the cause of his low libido. Good luck getting him to see his doctor to have the blood work done.
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