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Post by baza on May 12, 2019 5:28:32 GMT -5
Whatever you end up choosing to do Sister cassiopeia92 , you need to just "do". You are not obliged to have your spouse agree to what you end up choosing to do - you are quite entitled to do what you want to do, without reference to him. Looking outside the marriage is a perfectly valid choice available to you. And, based on the various stories in this group, it is usually a game changing choice. Trouble is it can and often does spin things off at entirely unpredictable tangents, up to and including divorce. For this reason it is as well to prepare for this on the same basis as you would if you were choosing to divorce, so it would be a good idea to see a lawyer in your jurisdiction and establish how a divorce would shake out for you.
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Post by baza on May 12, 2019 2:54:48 GMT -5
A quick google will show you where this (rare) "alienation of affection" action can be attempted. Of interest, the person being sued is usually the cheating spouses playmate. However, it can be tried out on family members, counselors, therapists, and religious members who have encouraged a spouse to get a divorce have also been sued for these matters. Also potentially liable in these (rare) would be members on ILIASM encouraging people to leave their shitholes. I'd suggest that the linked video is notable because it describes a very rare occurrence, thus making it newsworthy. As ever, see a lawyer in your jurisdiction. According to what I found* if you are in Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota, or Utah, it might be applicable as a very slim possibility. *source = www.verywellfamily.com
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Post by baza on May 10, 2019 18:42:12 GMT -5
Welcome to the zoo Brother spencer . I think if you read extensively in here you will pick up stuff that you may find useful as you turn your situation over in your mind. Sometimes that's a better way of gathering information at your own pace rather than getting it directly between the eyes. The stories Brother shamwow could be a good resource for you, particularly the long thread "T minus"
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Post by baza on May 10, 2019 18:33:08 GMT -5
There are many routes that lead into ILIASM.
"Bait and Switch Boulevard". "Vague Medical Issue Highway" "Undiagnosed Mental Issues Turnpike" "Selfishness Street" "Narcissism Tollway" - to name just a few.
But once in ILIASM, everyone starts off equal again, regardless of how they got here.
Then - They stay in ILIASM, and become very familiar with the place and its' good and bad features. They stay in ILIASM, and visit other places when they need to. They may enter a new address, like Singletown, in their GPS device and plan an alternative route, out of ILIASM.
The way in to ILIASM is variable. The way out is not.
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Post by baza on May 9, 2019 19:39:31 GMT -5
It's a pity your old run of stories prior to Oct 2017 got deleted Brother flashjohn , as it's always interesting to read members original situation and compare it with their current situation. In any event it still reads like the difficult and painful choices you made back in 2016 put you in a position of availability for a greatly enhanced life, and you grabbed that opportunity by the throat. And now you are enjoying the long term benefits of having done that. It's a terrific story.
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Post by baza on May 6, 2019 18:51:49 GMT -5
By your metric Brother Chatter Fox , the set of problems involved in staying in an ILIASM deal are preferable to the set of problems being single involves. That's a perfectly valid choice. It also reads like you are past apportioning blame as to who caused the situation to develop into what it did become. That's pretty healthy I reckon....if you are choosing to stay there's not much point in blaming your missus for that choice. That choice is entirely on you. Anyway, there is a level of serenity to be had once you make - and own - your choice (whatever that choice might be) so good on you.
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Post by baza on May 5, 2019 19:12:44 GMT -5
To the wider point raised by Sister saarinista ..... *Everyone* needs to know their financial situation, their spouses financial situation and their joint financial situation. That is so whether your marriage is an ILIASM shithole or a marriage made in heaven. It is a basic responsibility of every adult, as all marriages (yep, ALL of them) end due to divorce or death. And, you need to know this "NOW" - not be scrambling about trying to find out under the extreme pressure of a divorce / deceasement. Further, if your spouse exhibits any reluctance to share the financial facts with you, the warning siren is blaring. It is a big sign that there's something going on that they do not want you to know about, and the chances are that whatever that 'something' is, it ain't going to be in your best interests.
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Post by baza on May 5, 2019 2:34:00 GMT -5
I think that scrubbing the present clock would be the smart play Brother solodriver . Then, re-start it on the day you actually get your legal advice. Everything else, and all the little nuances of what is possible and legal, hangs off it.
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Post by baza on May 4, 2019 19:40:04 GMT -5
It remains of concern that your clock, initially at 344 days (back in August 2018) has ticked off another 274 days and is now down to 70 days plus change, but still no legal advice (which everything else hangs off) Brother solodriver . It might be a good idea to consult with your launch director to discuss whether it is possible to get everything done that needs to be done within the limited 70 days now available....or whether the countdown needs to be revised. Anecdotally in this group, the clock usually runs at 90 days. That is to say, from the day you get your legal advice, it takes about another 90 days from then to work out the finer detail of when and how you are going to drop the bomb - THEN the hard practical work of putting your exit strategy into action begins. You are down to under 90 days (by your original schedule) That, is going to be real tough to achieve.
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Post by baza on May 3, 2019 20:47:46 GMT -5
Brother lessingham . Just about everyone whoever joins this group is "staying". And that's a perfectly valid choice. That might be a fully informed choice having carefully weighed up the options, or a choice just based on social truisms and not fully reasoned through. Either way, it IS a choice and the consequences of it are yours. And, as far as is known, most people continue to choose to stay, and that's a perfectly valid choice as well. A few, not a lot, and after a whole heap of painful difficult work, choose to leave - but they are not under discussion in this thread. If you now choose to step back from the group because it is not helping you, that's a perfectly valid choice as well. Just as it will be if you come back after a hiatus, or if you never do come back. Thanks for your contributions to the group and the threads. I hope it is not the last we hear from you Brother.
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Post by baza on May 3, 2019 7:15:40 GMT -5
I recall seeing a Japanese movie called "In The Realm Of The Senses" or something like that years ago.
In that, the problem was resolved quite simply. During a session of asphyxiation sex the bloke strangled to death. The chick then cut his slug off.
I like the Japanese film genre. Particularly 1950's films by the director Akira Kurosawa, like "The Seven Samurai" which was groundbreaking in its' day.
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Post by baza on Apr 30, 2019 20:46:45 GMT -5
FWIW Sister moon , the way you write suggests to me that you are already a long way down the path of "being in a good space". Maybe even further down that path than you might think. In regard to a new relationship, I think it comes down to two main things. #1 - being open to that concept #2 - being available should that concept present itself #3 - pure blind luck that your paths intersected Re - *Pure Blind Luck" In my 9+ years of reading in the old EP group - and this one - I've seen this play out many many times .... with people like ballofconfusion tamara68 WindSister @mountainrunner and numerous others (most recently Sister elynne ) baza and enna30 for that matter - though that was some years ago now. It is interesting to note however, that the more of ones own shit one has sorted out, the more comfortable one is in ones own skin that the *luckier* one seems to get.
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Post by baza on Apr 29, 2019 21:10:37 GMT -5
That's good Sister smith227 . Keep in mind that this part of the process can see you oscillating between feeling good and at times feeling rotten. The feeling rotten bits usually becoming less often and less intense. The feeling good bits usually becoming more often and more intense. The stories of Sister @elle might be worth you reading in this regard. You're going well Sister smith227 .
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Post by baza on Apr 28, 2019 21:03:12 GMT -5
There's not much to go on here Brother 2019change . On the face of it, it looks pretty straightforward....you've got a dud sexual partner. Possibly, she was a sexual dud in her marriage as well. How far are you involved with this chick ?
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Post by baza on Apr 27, 2019 22:41:15 GMT -5
moon - I know I got incredibly lucky but I stumbled into what turned out to be an incredible love only a (scandalously!) short time after separating from my ex. I just didn't give it any thought. I just went with the flow and started to get to know the best lover I've ever known. It turns out that she was the unicorn - beautiful, sane and a great match for my love languages. Don't discount the chance that an fwb or other situation could turn out to be the love _and_ lover you've always wanted. I think it was Brother @vegas who said at one time (in regard to getting into a new relationship pretty quickly after vacating the previous one) - - "they only call it a rebound relationship if it fucks up. If it goes well you never hear about how quick it developed" -
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