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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 5, 2016 16:24:17 GMT -5
Your words made me think of a post I put on EP about quitting. I wrote it just after my H was notified that I filed in court. He called me and accused me of being a quitter. At the time his words didn't matter, I was totally over it, but I did stay longer than I should have because of all the reasons you listed above and then some - the biggest our 2 kids and breaking up the family. I also had co dependency issues about everything because I did everything for him. After I moved out my ex is functioning quite fine. It's amazing when someone has to do something to take care of themselves - they will. Just because you are living under the same roof doesn't mean you can't still help them either or that they won't ask you for help. So here's the EP post and more than the post, read the comments because there was a lot of good advice. Some of them were even funny - 1 total stranger asked me out and another troll called me out as if I was the problem. www.experienceproject.com/stories/Live-In-A-Sexless-Marriage/7342057Great to read all that encouragement again! Classic quote re CPR in there from DryCreek! X |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 5, 2016 16:25:22 GMT -5
Why do we keep on doing it to ourselves! What are we waiting for? My brain gets busy with this far too much yet never gives me the answers.... X Because we feel like we've failed if we leave, like we're being selfish if we don't keep trying, even though there has been no real ability to try for a long time. And because while we know we can do better, we worry about our barely functional spouses, and who's going to take care of them when we leave. There we go. I need reminding sometimes xxx |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 5, 2016 16:28:40 GMT -5
Because we feel like we've failed if we leave, like we're being selfish if we don't keep trying, even though there has been no real ability to try for a long time. And because while we know we can do better, we worry about our barely functional spouses, and who's going to take care of them when we leave. There's a lot of truth to this, and it's something that I struggle to manage in other areas of my life as well. Declaring "completion" means the result is open to criticism; it could have been better; you should have done X. Staying in limbo gives the illusion that it's a work in progress, and so no judgement can be passed. Perhaps judgement is over-ratted? Some zip code therapy, two years for self healing, and a new beginning emerges. ( results may vary, not responsible for the content of this statement, taxes and tags not included) |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 5, 2016 16:33:19 GMT -5
Stop dragging all that excess luggage. There is a custom yoke, made for you. Lighten your burdens.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2016 16:35:55 GMT -5
I know I have died a lot inside... dealing with this, dealing with her, has taken something from me that I can never get back. Age and time wont let it. I have found I am not the person I was, and don't know if I can ever be again. I am less a man, less a friend, less of an employee....yet I never asked for it to be this way. And all I have given in unappreciated. No one cares what it has done to me....Only years late can I see and understand, yet until know I never could have been shown understood the damage. Yet the only impaling I can envision, is one of myself, so I no longer have to deal with what I have become.... I've been there, done that Roch! I had to 1) outsource and 2) leave to eacape that ugly place. I'm just relating my own story, leaving caused new problems, but unlike the old problems they are making me a better person and I am happier most daya. I have hope, hope is precious. |
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Post by solodriver on Aug 13, 2016 14:38:39 GMT -5
My wife quit responding to my "I Love You's" a while back so I no longer offer them. After she turned her head away whenever I attempted to kiss her goodbye or hello when I was going or coming, I quit doing that also. I still love her because we share our home together, but there is no expression of affection at all anymore. |
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