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Post by deleted on Aug 5, 2016 15:50:50 GMT -5
I would say, "do not get married! Ever! It's not in your best interest. Not even a little bit. While, you're at it, get a vasectomy in your 18th birthday."
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Post by Rhapsodee on Aug 12, 2016 10:41:49 GMT -5
I tried to raise my children differently from how I was raised. I eliminated religion but kept God, I know this is impossible to understand for those of you that are religious. (Sorry, GC) You rely upon the bible and ministers to guide you and can't comprehend an internal moral compass, but it worked for us. Teaching morals is much easier when there is no threat of hell and damnation. I wanted them to be free thinkers, make good decisions based on their own internal moral compass. Thus far, my little experiment has proven itself. My daughter and son didn't use drugs or alcohol in high school, both chose to remain virgins. They made good grades and were accepted into good colleges. My daughter's high school years were lonely and miserable because of her decision to remain drug and alcohol free, but she was strong. She is now an attorney in Manhattan. My youngest son suffers from bipolar. He refused to use pot or drugs and has never tasted alcohol. He monitors and manages his illness in a way that amazes his doctors. I feel that he does so well because he has no biblical horrors to exasperate his illness. According to his doctors he is the most psychologically healthy young person they have ever met. Yet he is bipolar 1. Go figure.
I also think I removed a source of rebellion. They got to choose their battles. They chose to battle against peer pressure. If we had been religious I am positive they would have rebelled against the religion and done all the things we all fear our children would do.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2016 17:45:42 GMT -5
I tried to raise my children differently from how I was raised. I eliminated religion but kept God, I know this is impossible to understand for those of you that are religious. (Sorry, GC) You rely upon the bible and ministers to guide you and can't comprehend an internal moral compass, but it worked for us. Teaching morals is much easier when there is no threat of hell and damnation. I wanted them to be free thinkers, make good decisions based on their own internal moral compass. Thus far, my little experiment has proven itself. My daughter and son didn't use drugs or alcohol in high school, both chose to remain virgins. They made good grades and were accepted into good colleges. My daughter's high school years were lonely and miserable because of her decision to remain drug and alcohol free, but she was strong. She is now an attorney in Manhattan. My youngest son suffers from bipolar. He refused to use pot or drugs and has never tasted alcohol. He monitors and manages his illness in a way that amazes his doctors. I feel that he does so well because he has no biblical horrors to exasperate his illness. According to his doctors he is the most psychologically healthy young person they have ever met. Yet he is bipolar 1. Go figure. I also think I removed a source of rebellion. They got to choose their battles. They chose to battle against peer pressure. If we had been religious I am positive they would have rebelled against the religion and done all the things we all fear our children would do. See my story of the Mennonite pastor's daughter LOL. I have also pointed out the rate of unwed young women getting pregnant at my church. Like every time you turned around someone else was knocked up. Culminating in the grand finale of the pastor's son knocking up his girlfriend. Because good girls don't go on the pill. |
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Post by solodriver on Aug 13, 2016 12:04:43 GMT -5
I would say never let your feelings for someone blind you to what may be problems in the relationship or ignore warnings from your friends about a relationship. I chose to ignore things that seemed odd because I thought I was overthinking the situation. I ignored my friends warnings because I thought they were jealous of the amount of time I was spending with her. Turned out that the odd things and warnings were true and I paid the price for ignoring them. I could have saved myself a great deal of pain and misery if I had only had taken that advice. |
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Post by Richard on Aug 23, 2016 23:20:26 GMT -5
I would say, "do not get married! Ever! It's not in your best interest. Not even a little bit. While, you're at it, get a vasectomy in your 18th birthday."
"Absolutely God Damned right." - Capt. Willard, Apocalypse Now
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2016 23:47:29 GMT -5
I would tell my younger Self do not get married....to anyone. I have nothing to warn my kids about because my sexless marriage problems were caused by childhood trauma and abuse, things I have vowed never to subject my own kids to. They will most likely have normal marriages with active sex lives and won't spend the last half of their lives living without sex like their father.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Sept 9, 2016 7:39:29 GMT -5
(Today's answer):
I would say life hurts. I wouldn't change any of my actions, basically, because the level of self-acceptance and self-forgiveness I'm learning this year are really good/bonus growth things....all my past makes me who I am and I am, FINALLY, happy with who I am - so I think I wouldn't change a thing, to be honest.
Like the character in It's A Wonderful Life - - it wouldn't, I wouldn't, be the same if things had happened different. So I think it all happened "just as it should" really.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 9, 2016 8:15:03 GMT -5
(Today's answer): I would say life hurts. I wouldn't change any of my actions, basically, because the level of self-acceptance and self-forgiveness I'm learning this year are really good/bonus growth things....all my past makes me who I am and I am, FINALLY, happy with who I am - so I think I wouldn't change a thing, to be honest. Like the character in It's A Wonderful Life - - it wouldn't, I wouldn't, be the same if things had happened different. So I think it all happened "just as it should" really.  This was given to me as a tool. I Never forgot it and it changed my outlook. "How can I use this situation to improve?" And daily question I ask myself. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Sept 9, 2016 9:19:24 GMT -5
@wewwbwb - I agree! But then - philosophically, theoretically - I maybe would not have had the same responses to things if the life challenges were different ones. You know? So, like, same coin - different sides, in a certain way. The way I responded to the situations may have been very different if any one thing had been changed.
I love the daily question, for sure!
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 9, 2016 9:43:07 GMT -5
GeekGoddess I found it helps to make lists. Here's mine. 
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Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2016 15:32:22 GMT -5
I would tell myself that if a woman is selfish or demanding in any way, run as far away from her as you possibly can and never look back. I would also tell myself never to consider marrying any woman without having sex with her first to make sure she is an enthusiastic, sexual person. And above all, I would tell myself to run as far away from my STBX as I can get.
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Post by itsjustus on Sept 9, 2016 20:36:51 GMT -5
I'd tell my younger self to communicate A LOT more. Very 1st girlfriend - So....do girls like sex too?  1st High school sweetheart - So....what's so bad about a BJ??? 2nd High school sweetheart/1st ex-wife - Are you on the pill? 2nd ex-wife - Do you throw things when you're angry? Thank God I'm older and wiser now. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2016 12:46:00 GMT -5
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Post by warmways on Sept 11, 2016 0:03:27 GMT -5
I would have told myself--- when he suddenly showed no interest in sex right after the honeymoon (which was non-stop sex), STOP!!!! Wake up!!!!! This is NOT going to get better even though he tried to pretend to the second marriage counselor ( we saw one before tying the knot), it was the T shirt I was wearing that wasn't too sexy and that was why he wouldn't jump my bones. I admit, the T shirt wasn't ideal but I would have donned sexier night attire in a flash if he'd spend time with me instead of retreating to his cave night after night and telling me I wanted sex because "everybody else was having sex". When he told the first therapist that even though we weren't having much sex, that would all change after we got married I'd say- DON'T believe him, Wake up!!!
Etc.
I'd tell the woman in 2026 --!well, you made it. : way to go girl! I forgive you for choosing a man who couldn't love you and connect with you and have fun with and fuck you. Well -- you're a free woman now and who hasn't made some mistakes? Live and learn! Let it go. You deserve to be happy just like we all do. It's not your fault that he couldn't be there for you. You tried e v e r y t h I n g and you were an enabler and you're far from perfect, but you did your best.
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Post by becca on Sept 11, 2016 7:46:16 GMT -5
AND -- where all of this is really going -- I fear I am on the cusp of making same mistake with MY kids! Dang it, it will be so "uncool" for me to try to convey some of this to my kids (ranging in age from 24 to 15), but -- by gum -- if I can help them avoid some of this pain, I really, really want to. I have been having the same thoughts and my upbringing definitely didn't prepare me for sex. At least not really enjoying it and so for awhile I wondered if it was ok that I enjoyed it so much. Or did this make me somehow morally debased. I got over that but then turned around and did the same thing to my own girls. I gave them the sex talk and explained how girls get pregnant, stressed abstinence and covered the names of all the body parts and the talk was done. This past weekend I decided to have a more detailed talk with my 19 year old. This was prompted when I found condoms in a bag she had brought home with her. I called it Sex Talk 2. She was obviously having sex but I wanted her to know it was okay to enjoy it. Practice safe sex (looks like she had that covered) but really enjoy it. I also told her so much of what we know about sex we get from the movies and media in general and it is incredibly off in the telling. They aren't going to show a scene where it takes a woman 15 minutes to orgasm. Much easier to make it a 2 minute love scene where both partners experience orgasm simultaneously. You also rarely see a scene where the woman is guiding the man. I guess every man is just naturally supposed to be a Casanova and know the exact spot. No pressure there! Yep, it was an interesting and uncomfortable talk. |
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