|
|
Post by bballgirl on Jul 27, 2016 3:25:16 GMT -5
@mountainrunner - solid advice! "I want to do the right thing" is an admirable goal, but frankly you need a pessimist in your corner to consider all the ways it could turn out bad. Then plug those holes. Speaking of which, I'm curious for folks who are receiving spousal maintenance or child support - how many of you were advised to have a life insurance policy on your ex as part of the settlement? If it's good advice to have one one when you're married (to cover loss of income), doesn't it stand that you should have one for the duration of any support payments too? I admit it'd be an awkward scenario getting a life insurance policy on your ex... and to do it would require their approval (and probably a physical, blood tests, etc.). I would think the beneficiary should be the policy owner, to ensure it doesn't get cancelled. Life insurance was part of that deal for both of us because it's about being able to provide for the children. Mine is through my employer his is a separate policy with me the beneficiary until the kids are 18. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2016 5:18:49 GMT -5
I'm going to offer a piece of advice based on my own admittedly difficult divorce - even if you go for mediation, you should have your own lawyer. I can't count the number of times I was okay with something until my lawyer pointed out the long term issues. You can take your lawyer with you into mediation and I would highly recommend it. You need to be thinking 20 years down the road, not "let's get this over with" or "I don't want to upset him"or any other thought along those lines and a good attorney will help you protect your future. Honestly, if I hadn't chosen my lawyer ahead of time and (finally) listened to her, I would be in a much, much worse situation right now. I know your instinct is to be kind and as loving as possible, but as my therapist pointed out, "this isn't a relationship, it's a divorce." There are practical matters you may not be thinking about and a good attorney will point them out to you. Sending you all the energy and good thoughts I can summon! Thank you, @mountainrunner. This is great and much-needed advice. I'm listening and I appreciate the sentiments! |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2016 5:27:10 GMT -5
Nail on the head, petrushka! That's exactly what gets me happy when I think of cutting this thing off once and for all, of H moving out. No more walking on eggshells! No more would I feel hated in my own home. No more would I fear his flip-the-switch moods. No more would I have to wonder how much he'd be drinking on a given night. No more would I have to wonder whether he's talking to me tonight or not... I could go on. Probably that "hated in my own home" is the one I most look forward to getting rid of. Any fears I have of being alone are easily replaced by the knowledge that now, I can really and truly fill my home with LOVE and PEACE. I know it'll be far from perfect because I'm far from perfect. But, the potential for vast improvement is monumental. One foot in front of the other. |
|
