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Post by bballgirl on Jul 24, 2016 21:39:34 GMT -5
@elle - I'm glad you are not sad, that's very telling!
Good luck tomorrow!!
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Post by wewbwb on Jul 24, 2016 22:03:58 GMT -5
And I'm absolutely deliriously happy about it! Is that a normal reaction? Does it mean I'm really done with this marriage? Or does it just mean this pink-haired gal is crazy as the day is long? (Please say the former.) Don't be narrow minded, you can easily be both.  |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2016 22:09:53 GMT -5
@elle - I'm glad you are not sad, that's very telling! Good luck tomorrow!! Gosh, I think so TOO bballgirl!! I'm excited!! Strange feeling... |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2016 22:10:33 GMT -5
wewbwb,  You're right, I'm both. I'll own that!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2016 16:15:03 GMT -5
Update - the meeting went well. I got some formulas to figure maintenance and child support with. That was helpful as I hadn't realized how much I was due.
Still, I'll be honest that the entire process overwhelms me. All the decisions to be made, money and assets to be divided, the hit we would both take to our future financial situations. I'm not out to ruin my husband.
Frankly, I see why people just roll over and take it for 10, 20, 30, 40 more years. And yes, good friends of ILIASM, I see why ppl have affairs. It's still not on my radar, but I get it!! And I won't judge you for it.
I'll need the evening and a night's sleep and likely a few pep talks from my circle of cheerleaders to get my game back. Sigh. Lots of random thoughts running through my mind right now.
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Post by 3000more on Jul 25, 2016 17:08:14 GMT -5
rankly, I see why people just roll over and take it for 10, 20, 30, 40 more years.
Or don't (hehe) - hang in there!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2016 17:11:37 GMT -5
Update - the meeting went well. I got some formulas to figure maintenance and child support with. That was helpful as I hadn't realized how much I was due. Still, I'll be honest that the entire process overwhelms me. All the decisions to be made, money and assets to be divided, the hit we would both take to our future financial situations. I'm not out to ruin my husband. Frankly, I see why people just roll over and take it for 10, 20, 30, 40 more years. And yes, good friends of ILIASM, I see why ppl have affairs. It's still not on my radar, but I get it!! And I won't judge you for it. I'll need the evening and a night's sleep and likely a few pep talks from my circle of cheerleaders to get my game back. Sigh. Lots of random thoughts running through my mind right now. One step at a time! Believe me if he's willing to do this via mediation it will be one helluvalot cheaper and less stressful than working against each other through lawyers. |
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Post by unmatched on Jul 25, 2016 18:29:35 GMT -5
Update - the meeting went well. I got some formulas to figure maintenance and child support with. That was helpful as I hadn't realized how much I was due. Still, I'll be honest that the entire process overwhelms me. All the decisions to be made, money and assets to be divided, the hit we would both take to our future financial situations. I'm not out to ruin my husband. Frankly, I see why people just roll over and take it for 10, 20, 30, 40 more years. And yes, good friends of ILIASM, I see why ppl have affairs. It's still not on my radar, but I get it!! And I won't judge you for it. I'll need the evening and a night's sleep and likely a few pep talks from my circle of cheerleaders to get my game back. Sigh. Lots of random thoughts running through my mind right now. One Two Three Four, you don't want this any more, Five Six Seven Eight, get your ass out through the gate! Something like that? |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2016 21:22:08 GMT -5
unmatched, exactly like that! Thanks for the . And the cheer. Hoping to get a good night's sleep and have more energy to throw at this tomorrow.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2016 17:40:05 GMT -5
Ok, pep talks galore, including a long talk with my brother, and I've rallied. I have another appointment with a different attorney later this week, this one more of a pit bull.
Train is still moving forward. I still want out. Need to get out. Just having to deliberately put one foot in front of the other and do my best not to get scared or overwhelmed. I can do this!!
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Post by ggold on Jul 26, 2016 19:01:47 GMT -5
Ok, pep talks galore, including a long talk with my brother, and I've rallied. I have another appointment with a different attorney later this week, this one more of a pit bull. Train is still moving forward. I still want out. Need to get out. Just having to deliberately put one foot in front of the other and do my best not to get scared or overwhelmed. I can do this!! You go @elle!!! You can do this!! Like you said, one step at a time. xoxo |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2016 19:31:41 GMT -5
Yup @ggold. I'll keep it moving forward. I'm confident that this time, I've really had all I can take!! Had it folks!!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2016 23:02:21 GMT -5
I'm going to offer a piece of advice based on my own admittedly difficult divorce - even if you go for mediation, you should have your own lawyer. I can't count the number of times I was okay with something until my lawyer pointed out the long term issues. You can take your lawyer with you into mediation and I would highly recommend it. You need to be thinking 20 years down the road, not "let's get this over with" or "I don't want to upset him"or any other thought along those lines and a good attorney will help you protect your future. Honestly, if I hadn't chosen my lawyer ahead of time and (finally) listened to her, I would be in a much, much worse situation right now. I know your instinct is to be kind and as loving as possible, but as my therapist pointed out, "this isn't a relationship, it's a divorce." There are practical matters you may not be thinking about and a good attorney will point them out to you.
Sending you all the energy and good thoughts I can summon!
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 27, 2016 0:07:30 GMT -5
@mountainrunner - solid advice!
"I want to do the right thing" is an admirable goal, but frankly you need a pessimist in your corner to consider all the ways it could turn out bad. Then plug those holes.
Speaking of which, I'm curious for folks who are receiving spousal maintenance or child support - how many of you were advised to have a life insurance policy on your ex as part of the settlement? If it's good advice to have one one when you're married (to cover loss of income), doesn't it stand that you should have one for the duration of any support payments too?
I admit it'd be an awkward scenario getting a life insurance policy on your ex... and to do it would require their approval (and probably a physical, blood tests, etc.). I would think the beneficiary should be the policy owner, to ensure it doesn't get cancelled.
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Post by petrushka on Jul 27, 2016 1:05:33 GMT -5
On a lark, I emailed the attorney I had planned to call tomorrow. She got right back to me and I have an appt tomorrow afternoon! And I'm absolutely deliriously happy about it! Is that a normal reaction? Does it mean I'm really done with this marriage? Or does it just mean this pink-haired gal is crazy as the day is long? (Please say the former.) Honestly, I haven't felt this at peace or this joyful since the last time I thought I was leaving. Only this time, I do believe it's for REAL! I'll update after appt tomorrow. So excited! Yes. After I separated from my first wife - that is, after the conversation where it was decided to separate, my feet barely touched the ground for a couple of years, I was so elated with the absence of continuous pain. I guess it comes down to the state of your marriage, and your personality. I guess if you're the guilt ridden, chest beating type, maybe not so happy ... but if the shit was up to your chin ?!? congrats, I hope it goes well. |
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