Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2016 9:37:14 GMT -5
I'm a little hesitant to post about this - there have been some comments about alimony on another one of my threads that make me feel a little anxious about sharing my situation, but I'm going to go ahead and risk it.
I'm mostly out of the house now, although I'm still spending a lot of time there cleaning, sorting and packing the garage, and dealing with various repair people, etc. I'm really happy to have my own space, but now my STBX has decided not to give me any support at all until it's court ordered. My lawyer warned me about moving out before I had legal documents in my hand, but I believed him when he said he wouldn't let me get into a situation where I couldn't pay my bills. Then the first four days of April came and went without anything from him. I asked him about it yesterday and he said I could accept the settlement offer as it stands (severely tilted in his favor) or there would be no support. I'm literally nauseous thinking about how I'll get through the next two to three months. I have some money put aside and the small income from my part time jobs, but I'll probably have to use a credit card to pay most of my expenses for the third month. (It takes two to three months to get a court date here and there is nothing my lawyer can do about that.) And that's just the normal, monthly bills - not even taking into consideration the issues with my eye and the fact that I only have health insurance until the end of this month.
I know a lot of people resent paying alimony - it seems unfair that "your" money goes to someone else. But I spent 19 years doing literally everything for our children, extended family, the house, the yard. How would his career have fared if he'd had to take the day off to wait for the plumber or spent a day in the doctor's office with a sick child? Would he have been able to take a job requiring international travel if he had to get the kids to school or pick them up from daycare every day? Would he have been able to work such long hours (he's generally gone 12-13 hours a day) to advance in his job if I wasn't there doing everything else? For 19 years, I "worked" for room and board. I never spent a lot of money on myself - for example, I've never owned more than two pair of jeans at a time - I wait until they get holes in them before I replace them because I'm very aware that my work doesn't bring in a significant amount of money. We made a mutual decision for me to stay home (and later work only when the kids were in school). It was a financially sound decision, not just a decision to focus on our children. That decision cost me my financial independence and allowed him to progress much further in his career than he would have been able to if we were both working full time. Is it really unfair that I'm asking for support now? Is it unreasonable for me to have enough money to pay my bills while I'm still working part time, getting our house fixed up and ready to sell (which is a HUGE amount of work), and taking care of our son? I didn't ask for much - in fact I was willing to accept far less than I would have gotten in a "typical" divorce settlement.
Just a few weeks ago, he looked me straight in the eyes and told me he wouldn't let me fail financially. His behavior now tells me that I was right to go ahead and file a motion for support. He's not trustworthy when it comes to "his" money and he will continue to use it to control me until he's legally forced to give me support. I wonder if he thinks our son hasn't noticed that I'm sleeping on an air mattress because I can't afford to buy a bed. Does he think the child is stupid? How am I supposed to promote a healthy relationship between the two of them when my son can see that I'm in distress? I'm going nuts trying to keep this all away from my son, but I've already had to say no to purchases I normally would have made. The amounts seem small one at a time, but they add up quickly and I have to literally watch every penny.
This is already too long, so I'll stop. I just needed to get some of this out of my system so I can hopefully function close to a normal level today - got to get to work, then back to the house to deal with the plumber, drive carpool, etc. Life isn't going to stop just so I can have time to have a breakdown.
I'm mostly out of the house now, although I'm still spending a lot of time there cleaning, sorting and packing the garage, and dealing with various repair people, etc. I'm really happy to have my own space, but now my STBX has decided not to give me any support at all until it's court ordered. My lawyer warned me about moving out before I had legal documents in my hand, but I believed him when he said he wouldn't let me get into a situation where I couldn't pay my bills. Then the first four days of April came and went without anything from him. I asked him about it yesterday and he said I could accept the settlement offer as it stands (severely tilted in his favor) or there would be no support. I'm literally nauseous thinking about how I'll get through the next two to three months. I have some money put aside and the small income from my part time jobs, but I'll probably have to use a credit card to pay most of my expenses for the third month. (It takes two to three months to get a court date here and there is nothing my lawyer can do about that.) And that's just the normal, monthly bills - not even taking into consideration the issues with my eye and the fact that I only have health insurance until the end of this month.
I know a lot of people resent paying alimony - it seems unfair that "your" money goes to someone else. But I spent 19 years doing literally everything for our children, extended family, the house, the yard. How would his career have fared if he'd had to take the day off to wait for the plumber or spent a day in the doctor's office with a sick child? Would he have been able to take a job requiring international travel if he had to get the kids to school or pick them up from daycare every day? Would he have been able to work such long hours (he's generally gone 12-13 hours a day) to advance in his job if I wasn't there doing everything else? For 19 years, I "worked" for room and board. I never spent a lot of money on myself - for example, I've never owned more than two pair of jeans at a time - I wait until they get holes in them before I replace them because I'm very aware that my work doesn't bring in a significant amount of money. We made a mutual decision for me to stay home (and later work only when the kids were in school). It was a financially sound decision, not just a decision to focus on our children. That decision cost me my financial independence and allowed him to progress much further in his career than he would have been able to if we were both working full time. Is it really unfair that I'm asking for support now? Is it unreasonable for me to have enough money to pay my bills while I'm still working part time, getting our house fixed up and ready to sell (which is a HUGE amount of work), and taking care of our son? I didn't ask for much - in fact I was willing to accept far less than I would have gotten in a "typical" divorce settlement.
Just a few weeks ago, he looked me straight in the eyes and told me he wouldn't let me fail financially. His behavior now tells me that I was right to go ahead and file a motion for support. He's not trustworthy when it comes to "his" money and he will continue to use it to control me until he's legally forced to give me support. I wonder if he thinks our son hasn't noticed that I'm sleeping on an air mattress because I can't afford to buy a bed. Does he think the child is stupid? How am I supposed to promote a healthy relationship between the two of them when my son can see that I'm in distress? I'm going nuts trying to keep this all away from my son, but I've already had to say no to purchases I normally would have made. The amounts seem small one at a time, but they add up quickly and I have to literally watch every penny.
This is already too long, so I'll stop. I just needed to get some of this out of my system so I can hopefully function close to a normal level today - got to get to work, then back to the house to deal with the plumber, drive carpool, etc. Life isn't going to stop just so I can have time to have a breakdown.
