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Post by Deleted on Jul 16, 2016 23:01:47 GMT -5
Asexual. Sick. Depressed. Afraid. Addicted. Hyperreligious. Lazy. Liars. Uncaring. Narcissistic. Normal.
None of this prohibits a person from fucking. I bet 90% of sexless marriages are sexless because one spouse is a manipulative cocksucker. It's that simple.
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Post by baza on Jul 16, 2016 23:10:23 GMT -5
Personally Brother phin, I don't think it matters a rats arse "why" refusers are refusers.
The resolvement method is the same whether they are - "Asexual. Sick. Depressed. Afraid. Addicted. Hyperreligious. Lazy. Liars. Uncaring. Narcissistic. Normal. or even "a manipulative cocksucker".
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One can (and I did) chase "whys" over the horizon and back over a couple of decades.
All I got out of that was older.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 16, 2016 23:55:20 GMT -5
Personally Brother phin, I don't think it matters a rats arse "why" refusers are refusers. The resolvement method is the same whether they are - "Asexual. Sick. Depressed. Afraid. Addicted. Hyperreligious. Lazy. Liars. Uncaring. Narcissistic. Normal. or even "a manipulative cocksucker". - One can (and I did) chase "whys" over the horizon and back over a couple of decades. All I got out of that was older. Nope the whys don't matter. Although realizing you're being manipulated is often the first step towards dusting your broom. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 17, 2016 10:33:06 GMT -5
Yes maybe instead of "Why?"
We should be asking "How?" - How is this working out for you?
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Post by Pinkberry on Jul 17, 2016 16:25:07 GMT -5
Dr. Phil is in the house!!! Thanks, bballgirl! LOL
See my sig line for further confirmation. Even Christopher Reeve, a quadriplegic after his accident, said that there are always ways to satisfy your partner. His wife enthusiastically agreed. So, if he can do it, then I find little else compelling as a reason, other than deathbed.
I'm glad you finally realized that the bottom line is your refuser does not care how this makes you feel. I hope this is a step in the direction of freedom for you.
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Post by needtoresolve on Jul 21, 2016 15:43:51 GMT -5
I bet 90% of sexless marriages are sexless because one spouse is a manipulative cocksucker. I could use a little of that; it would be a step up. The manipulative part I'm already used to. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2016 18:05:56 GMT -5
I bet 90% of sexless marriages are sexless because one spouse is a manipulative cocksucker. I could use a little of that; it would be a step up. The manipulative part I'm already used to. True that's giving them too much credit. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2016 0:22:18 GMT -5
I totally disagree with the OP.
all those are good reasons. If a woman does not want to have sex, I dont want to have sex with her. why would I?
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Post by olofat on Jul 26, 2016 1:17:37 GMT -5
I totally disagree with the OP. all those are good reasons. If a woman does not want to have sex, I dont want to have sex with her. why would I? I think I get your point. I want to have sex. I will usually do it if she's just willing. But what I really want is for her to want it. It's 100x better with her wanting it than just being willing to do it. (In my marriage, also around 100x more rare.) For me, duty action is better than no action, but it doesn't really satisfy. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Jul 26, 2016 3:45:36 GMT -5
Passive aggressive control freak no one is going to make me do anything asshole.
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Post by baza on Jul 26, 2016 4:03:23 GMT -5
As a principle, I'd agree with lostsoul and olofat.
If someone doesn't want to have sex with you (for whatever reason, legitimate or bogus) that's a perfectly valid choice on their part.
Whether you want to hang around such a person is of course a choice that is entirely down to you.
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But I don't think that was the topic the OP was addressing.
Rather, his point was that if you want to fuck your spouse, then you do, various ailments not withstanding.
"Typical" or "usual" ailments do not stop you fucking, IF you want to.
Plenty of sick / infirm people still like to fuck.
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Ms enna has two metal knees, and arthritis and endogenous depression. She still likes to root me.
I've got a bad back, knee issues, and am on the wrong side of 60. I still like to root her.
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Post by iceman on Jul 26, 2016 10:58:23 GMT -5
I totally disagree with the OP. all those are good reasons. If a woman does not want to have sex, I dont want to have sex with her. why would I? I think I get your point. I want to have sex. I will usually do it if she's just willing. But what I really want is for her to want it. It's 100x better with her wanting it than just being willing to do it. (In my marriage, also around 100x more rare.) For me, duty action is better than no action, but it doesn't really satisfy. I used to think duty action was better than no action, not that my wife called me to duty very often, as in hardly ever. In fact I think she regarded it as duty action she felt the needed to perform to placate me. Hardly satisfying. Now I can't really get into duty sex either. You may recall that my wife sort of imitated sex a few weeks ago out of the blue. I was checking for a solar eclipse or frogs falling from the sky. I thought the world must be ending. Anyway, I digress. I really wanted to have sex but the idea of sex with her because it was duty sex was pretty deflating. (Pun intended). I'll confess I had trouble performing. I was able to go but it was a pretty mediocre performance on my part. It was completely unsatisfying. I know I'm getting older but I'm in good shape and I've never had any problems at all with my hydraulic system down there. I've always been rather proud of my stamina. Can it atrophy from lack of use? I was worried about it but I think it was emotional/mental problem rather than a physical problem. I just can't get aroused by her. All those times of rejection increasingly weigh heavy on me and, while I guess I appreciate her meager efforts, it does effect my ability to perform to the point that I really have no desire to have sex with my wife, even just for purely physical reasons. I no longer see her as a sexual being. Now I just need to find somebody who I am attracted to and is actually into sex just to make sure that I don't have physical problem. In the spirit of thoroughness I think I would need repeated sessions just to make sure.  |
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Post by needtoresolve on Jul 26, 2016 11:24:45 GMT -5
I guess one of the reasons I've had such a long dry spell is that I'm picky. I have little use for duty sex and I'm offended by the idea of pity sex. I want sex, and lots of it, with a partner who is hungry for it and who is hungry for me. That's what runs my gears forward. And when it's missing, they just run backwards until they get all jammed up. Maybe it's unattainable.
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Post by cagedtiger on Jul 26, 2016 12:44:26 GMT -5
I guess one of the reasons I've had such a long dry spell is that I'm picky. I have little use for duty sex and I'm offended by the idea of pity sex. I want sex, and lots of it, with a partner who is hungry for it and who is hungry for me. That's what runs my gears forward. And when it's missing, they just run backwards until they get all jammed up. Maybe it's unattainable. *definitely* not unattainable. I'm wired in the same way, probably because every relationship I've been in before this one we each had matching voracious appetites for each other. It's out there, just be upfront and honest about wanting that, and don't feel like you have to force it if the chemistry isn't quite there. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2016 12:49:47 GMT -5
I agree that duty sex is just horrible...I end up feeling depressed afterwards... its suppose to be fun and uplifting. Sex is supposed to be one of the great joys of adult life!
But instead, stuck with someone who really isn't interested, and isn't interested is separating from you...it takes over your life in a completely negative way and slowly destroys you from the inside....
I feel myself decaying inside until I am just another "yes dear" zombie who dies passed out in a gutter somewhere (figuratively).
Never having the chance to have a truly wonderful partner who gets me and pairs with me so wonderfully....
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