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Post by ggold on Jul 26, 2016 12:54:25 GMT -5
I think I get your point. I want to have sex. I will usually do it if she's just willing. But what I really want is for her to want it. It's 100x better with her wanting it than just being willing to do it. (In my marriage, also around 100x more rare.) For me, duty action is better than no action, but it doesn't really satisfy. I used to think duty action was better than no action, not that my wife called me to duty very often, as in hardly ever. In fact I think she regarded it as duty action she felt the needed to perform to placate me. Hardly satisfying. Now I can't really get into duty sex either. You may recall that my wife sort of imitated sex a few weeks ago out of the blue. I was checking for a solar eclipse or frogs falling from the sky. I thought the world must be ending. Anyway, I digress. I really wanted to have sex but the idea of sex with her because it was duty sex was pretty deflating. (Pun intended). I'll confess I had trouble performing. I was able to go but it was a pretty mediocre performance on my part. It was completely unsatisfying. I know I'm getting older but I'm in good shape and I've never had any problems at all with my hydraulic system down there. I've always been rather proud of my stamina. Can it atrophy from lack of use? I was worried about it but I think it was emotional/mental problem rather than a physical problem. I just can't get aroused by her. All those times of rejection increasingly weigh heavy on me and, while I guess I appreciate her meager efforts, it does effect my ability to perform to the point that I really have no desire to have sex with my wife, even just for purely physical reasons. I no longer see her as a sexual being. Now I just need to find somebody who I am attracted to and is actually into sex just to make sure that I don't have physical problem. In the spirit of thoroughness I think I would need repeated sessions just to make sure.  If my husband initiated anything at this point, I would think the world was ending and then I would be sick to my stomach. The thought of being intimate with him literally makes my stomach turn. So, iceman, what happened to you during your session with your wife was absolutely emotional. I am sure, given different circumstances, you'd be amazing!!! (Wink) |
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Post by iceman on Jul 26, 2016 15:30:01 GMT -5
I used to think duty action was better than no action, not that my wife called me to duty very often, as in hardly ever. In fact I think she regarded it as duty action she felt the needed to perform to placate me. Hardly satisfying. Now I can't really get into duty sex either. You may recall that my wife sort of imitated sex a few weeks ago out of the blue. I was checking for a solar eclipse or frogs falling from the sky. I thought the world must be ending. Anyway, I digress. I really wanted to have sex but the idea of sex with her because it was duty sex was pretty deflating. (Pun intended). I'll confess I had trouble performing. I was able to go but it was a pretty mediocre performance on my part. It was completely unsatisfying. I know I'm getting older but I'm in good shape and I've never had any problems at all with my hydraulic system down there. I've always been rather proud of my stamina. Can it atrophy from lack of use? I was worried about it but I think it was emotional/mental problem rather than a physical problem. I just can't get aroused by her. All those times of rejection increasingly weigh heavy on me and, while I guess I appreciate her meager efforts, it does effect my ability to perform to the point that I really have no desire to have sex with my wife, even just for purely physical reasons. I no longer see her as a sexual being. Now I just need to find somebody who I am attracted to and is actually into sex just to make sure that I don't have physical problem. In the spirit of thoroughness I think I would need repeated sessions just to make sure. If my husband initiated anything at this point, I would think the world was ending and then I would be sick to my stomach. The thought of being intimate with him literally makes my stomach turn. So, iceman , what happened to you during your session with your wife was absolutely emotional. I am sure, given different circumstances, you'd be amazing!!! (Wink) Thank you!!! I hope you're right.  |
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 26, 2016 16:30:13 GMT -5
I just can't get aroused by her. All those times of rejection increasingly weigh heavy on me and, while I guess I appreciate her meager efforts, it does effect my ability to perform to the point that I really have no desire to have sex with my wife, even just for purely physical reasons. I no longer see her as a sexual being. Your brain's been re-wired. The rejections have trained you not to see her as a sexual partner. So even when she's "ready", in your mind, it's "wrong". And bad duty sex just reinforces that training. |
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