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Post by ggold on Jul 14, 2016 15:28:36 GMT -5
I also just spent 2 minutes looking at that photo trying to figure out which one is supposed to be the tech obsessed refuser. But I really can't tell. Lol!! |
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Post by warmways on Jul 14, 2016 15:49:33 GMT -5
Tech sabatged my SM. Except for time with me at dinner (where we can no longer communicate except small talk) and a kiss goodbye in the morning all his time is on his iPad or computer. I know it will never change and if by miracle he decided to connect it's too late. His avoidance changed my feelings towards him.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 14, 2016 16:40:50 GMT -5
Tech sabatged my SM. Except for time with me at dinner (where we can no longer communicate except small talk) and a kiss goodbye in the morning all his time is on his iPad or computer. I know it will never change and if by miracle he decided to connect it's too late. His avoidance changed my feelings towards him. Sorry if I go overboard! I can relate! When my wife and I went for therapy, I told the councilor," after dinner my wife goes straight for her recliner and the Ipad". He asked," do you ever ask her to do anything?" My answer was," no, she doesn't want to speak to me she goes straight for her screen, for hours". Her response as well was," I am available, all you have to do is speak to me, I will answer you". now in hindsight I look back and think, typical controller. I want nothing to do with you, nothing to say to you. If you speak to me, I will give you the shortest answers possible, and never leave my comfort zone! And I blame you for not speaking to me, she took no responsibility to save our marriage. i did what my therapist suggested. I started asking her to go for walks. I was told," I'm tired, it's too hot out there, maybe later, etc..." The few times she would say "okay" to look like she was doing her part, she would have nothing to say when we went walking. i was told to start doing bible study with her every night( one of her complaints about what is so wrong between us) . She did very little participation, had little to say, avoided the sex topics, and would fall asleep! With that type behavior I did it less and less, and stopped completely. I played right into her hand. She announced to our councilor that I quit, that I gave up, that I didn't do it right, that I made it boring! In no time, she was/is back to her recliner, on the Ipad every evening, weekend, and morning. We are down to four words a day. Hello bye good night. ( that's ending too) |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2016 17:01:05 GMT -5
Agreed, tech is my savior right now. I'm not kidding, I am night and day from when I joined on May 11. In the best way possible. I'm turning my life around. I've gotten great advice. I'm making friends here. I'm clawing my way out! Thank you everyone!! I badly needed the validation and camaraderie I'm getting here.
Referring to the original article, I suspect it's true for some - tech threatens to ruin relationships, attention spans, driving records, and much more I'm sure. But as to whether it could singlehandedly destroy a good marriage? Hmm, dunno about that. Seems more like a symptom than a cause of destruction.
My marriage was long gone years ago. Well before the tech age... I'm old enough to remember the bag phone. Anyone else??
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2016 17:16:05 GMT -5
I'm old enough to remember the bag phone. Anyone else?? Yes, that's the one my wife uses! Some folks call it the Bitch phone. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 14, 2016 17:24:23 GMT -5
Question: ( for me to ponder too) if tech is your savior, how will you do at breaking away from it to have communication, and a relationship with another, face to face?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2016 17:54:08 GMT -5
Hmm, GreatCoastal, good question. I guess I should clarify that statement and say that tech is my "interim savior." As for breaking away from my interim savior, I don't think that'll be the slightest issue once my knight in shining armor arrives with a sex contract in hand. ;-)
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Post by warmways on Jul 14, 2016 18:04:15 GMT -5
Tech sabatged my SM. Except for time with me at dinner (where we can no longer communicate except small talk) and a kiss goodbye in the morning all his time is on his iPad or computer. I know it will never change and if by miracle he decided to connect it's too late. His avoidance changed my feelings towards him. Sorry if I go overboard! I can relate! When my wife and I went for therapy, I told the councilor," after dinner my wife goes straight for her recliner and the Ipad". He asked," do you ever ask her to do anything?" My answer was," no, she doesn't want to speak to me she goes straight for her screen, for hours". Her response as well was," I am available, all you have to do is speak to me, I will answer you". now in hindsight I look back and think, typical controller. I want nothing to do with you, nothing to say to you. If you speak to me, I will give you the shortest answers possible, and never leave my comfort zone! And I blame you for not speaking to me, she took no responsibility to save our marriage. i did what my therapist suggested. I started asking her to go for walks. I was told," I'm tired, it's too hot out there, maybe later, etc..." The few times she would say "okay" too look like she was doing her part, she would have nothing to say when we went walking. i was told to start doing bible study with her every night( one of her complaints about what is so wrong between us) . She did very little participation, had little to say, avoided the sex topics, and would fall asleep! With that type behavior I did it less and less, and stopped completely. I played right into her hand. She announced to our councilor that I quit, that I gave up, that I didn't do it right, that I made it boring! In no time, she was/is back to her recliner, on the Ipad every evening, weekend, and morning. We are down to four words a day. Hello bye good night. ( that's ending too) |
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Post by warmways on Jul 14, 2016 18:13:36 GMT -5
I could have written this. In fact just tonight he said he was too tired when I invited to walk a trail with the dog.
He always says: maybe, I feel sick, I feel weird, I just need to play computer games, maybe later, can you ask me in an hour? Or worse half the time promises only to back down.
His latest is that he says he plays video games because he senses that I'm mad.
No matter what, he's innocent or as one couples therapist described him: "butter would melt in his mouth."
Oh and if I want to talk and it gets the slightest bit critical he tells me how I'm hurting his feelings and then shuts down for days to punish me. . In other words, he protects
himself from real intimacy by pushing back when I try to communicate.
Okay! That's plenty of complaining from me. Thanks for bearing with me!
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Post by angryspartan on Jul 14, 2016 18:14:34 GMT -5
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Post by warmways on Jul 14, 2016 18:18:23 GMT -5
Tech did ruin my marriage. It's just the primary addiction that played a huge role.
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Post by warmways on Jul 14, 2016 18:19:28 GMT -5
"You're just jealous because I've been online with babes all day."  |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 14, 2016 18:23:13 GMT -5
I don't think of it as complaining at all! I see it as a " me too" conformation, where we are here to support each other. To realize that you are not the only one, or the crazy one!
With this generation it's getting real bad! My son went down the street to the park at the beach with one of the neighborhood girls. I asked him how are the waves, do they look rideable? Is the sand to hot on your feet? His answer, " I didn't go on the sand, I didn't look at the ocean. We played Pokemon in the parking lot!
Meanwhile at home sit all our surfboards, boogie boards, bikes, scooters, fishing poles, gathering dust!
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Post by ggold on Jul 14, 2016 18:25:34 GMT -5
Hmm, GreatCoastal, good question. I guess I should clarify that statement and say that tech is my "interim savior." As for breaking away from my interim savior, I don't think that'll be the slightest issue once my knight in shining armor arrives with a sex contract in hand. ;-) I totally agree!!! Can't wait for the knight in shining armor!!! |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2016 18:27:09 GMT -5
Sex contract NOT optional. ;-)
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