How many of you get rude or snap at spouse?

I would have said "My lover, that's who!" As you can see, you are far from alone.

I can get a little grumpy when I get asked the same question 5-6 times, when the first answer "I am sorry, I don't know" or at least the second time should have put the matter to rest.

The other thing that can really set me off is when I am telling someone to the best of my ability how I feel / what I think / what I want - and the other person starts to tell me that I actually want something different because they know me better than I do know myself, or they accuse me of lying. That just really pisses me off (lots of history with my parents there, I guess).

They are actually similar in that they imply serious disrespect.
Other than that ... nope. Call me phlegmatic. I really don't think it's good, helpful or constructive behaviour to snarl - but sometimes, I guess, one has to enforce the boundaries.

The last year or so we were together, and my first 8-9 months post divorce, my patience was just about zero. I was snapping at everyone, even on EP. I was in so much emotional pain, and there was no comfort, so trying to be stoic and strong on my own caused so much internal tension that I had a really short fuse. I was aware of it, and yet the build up of tension was so bad, mixed with depression, frustration, and utter despair, I couldn't help myself. I needed comfort. I needed to be held, and for someone to be kind, but there was no one, and my body felt like it was running on constant adrenalin, which is exhausting, which made me more grumpy. It was a viscous circle.

I think it's normal to lose patience and snap when under prolonged stress, but if you have a support network, then I'm sure that would help. I had to actively work on restraining my words, and over time, the anger and tension diminished greatly, and that extreme tension that I felt throughout my body subsided, but it was awful to go through. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

In Buddhism, this is called, "suffering spilling over," and it's when your pain spills over the top, and comes out as anger and frustration with others. They just see you as an angry person, when all you need is compassion and kindness. I do recognize it in others, and I try to be understanding of it, however that also depends on my own state of mind and emotions at the time, as to whether I can show some compassion.

Emotional outbursts, getting angry is good! That way you can make up and have s...e.... ( never mind!!)

What Caris describes is pretty much where I'm at. I know it's happening, but it's still so hard to keep in check. Small stuff that shouldn't irritate me does; things that shouldn't be intrusive instead feel violating. I just want a fucking sincere hug.

For me this has finally brought things to a head in the last week. The stiff upper lip is no more. My challenge is that this is not something that was broken and might be fixed - it's asexual behavior I've tolerated for 25 years, and only now is breaking me.

All likely outcomes look ugly. And I am really struggling with being selfish.

Don't know if it's rude or snapping, but any conversation feels like a battle to see if I am being manipulated by a controller. Very soon comes the words,from me to her, " don't change the subject, answer my question, that's not what I said, you need to think about that,fine, you take care of it, or I'm not doing that, you do it." Yea it's definitely a different tone , a different approach, once your eyes are open!

After someone has detached themselves from you, and you are detaching yourself from them, conversations get down to four words a day. Anything of relevance gets your radar up.

Once the trust, and respect are gone, who wants to continue for years with that.?

As Bazz posted earlier no communication, controlling, and no sex.

I've missed you guys!  Been offline for a week.  Vacation = hard work.  

ggold, totally OK to show anger sometimes.  Anger is a primary emotion.  We all experience it.  I'd be more concerned about the person who never shows anger.  Sounds like your H just can't recover from it.  My situation is a little different.  If I snap or am rude, I WILL hear about it later and it will NOT be pretty.  I try to manage it but still, it slips out sometimes.  Oops.  And then, I just pay the price.  Silent treatment, angry rant replete with swearing and yelling, etc.  Nothing I haven't been taking for almost 2 decades.  Good stuff here!!  I'm learning what a doormat I've been.  And trying to figure out how to NOT be such a doormat.

And, when did you start smiling, @roch649?  Damn, that grin looks good on you!

And, DryCreek, at some point, we all have to be selfish to save ourselves from impending doom.  I guess it's just figuring out when said doom is imminent and when selfishness is truly necessary.  Sounds like you have more than paid your penance, if there was every any to pay to begin with.