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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2016 7:50:05 GMT -5
It's interesting to see some cautionary tales as well as some "hell yeah - it got me through - do it!" tales. I suppose everyone's mileage will vary. I have to say, I was firmly in the camp of NO WAY on the outsourcing, but lately, well, things are rough again and I totally get why people do it when they feel they are utterly stuck, as I feel right now. 'Never say never' and no judgment from me. I do think a heavy dose of knowing yourself and what you can live with once all is said and done is vital. And definitely knowing whether you can keep your emotions in check. I, for one, could not. Outsourcing would be unlikely to end well for me - I'm pretty sure of that. But it's fun to think about all the same! @elle, I've been expecting to hear this from you ;-). I was the SAME way. I'd go so far as to say that I couldn't even conceive of the idea. Adultery was like suicide or homosexuality to me -- it never even crossed my mind. In conversations with folk, I'd wonder why anyone would countenance such a thing. I figured it was something special for Bill Clinton, rock stars, and Hollywood folk, but not a regular guy like me. Then WHAMO, it happened. I was ilprepared to recognise it (although I did), and not arrogant enough to stop it (although I knew where it was going). All it took to consummate it was one of those knock down drag outs with the wife, and I said to myself, "I don't need this shit." |
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Post by Caris on Jul 13, 2016 23:23:18 GMT -5
That's an interesting subject you bring up there! I am soon to be 53 yrs. old. receeding hairline, I am an inch shorter ( in height) than I used to be, wrinkles under my eyes, greying hair. I actually do see 60 year old women as attratctive! what I would give to know that some of them see me that way? fortunately I still have my H.S. figure. that means I look skinny. Does that look attractive to a sixty year old woman? A woman who is bigger than I am. Do they find me attractive, or are they convinced that the only person who would get arroused by them is a man who is bigger than they are? A women with a dynamic, friendly personality with a caring heart, is very sexy. way more than some skinny thing who is a skinny bean pole and has the personality of an empty bucket! That's why I married my wife! (She is not an empty bucket, now if only she would have done an equal amount of giving back things would be different) this may sound bad or trivial but here goes: a woman with fat legs, can have gorgeous breasts, and a pretty face. a woman with a heavy belly, can have pretty legs a stimulating breast and awesome hair, etc... I also told myself before marrying, " I am not perfect,physically by no means, who am I to think I deserve better? I'll never find anyone." I think we all settle to some degree. Do you remember one of those NY cop shows from the 90's? It was Gordon Clapp from NYPD Blue. One of the detectives was getting divorced and was ready to have a lonely evening. He met a lady who was older than him. they made her out to look old and unatractive. she talked to him all about sexual pleasures. they ended up having a night together. guess who showed him the time of his life! guess who was plenty attractive naked with him? As you can tell, I still remember it, and cling to it. for when the day comes, I'm not getting any younger! I don't know, coastal, I can only speak for myself. When I was 53, the aging hadn't set in like it did once I turned 60. My skin was like it was in my 30s. I noticed you emphasized weight, but weight is different than aging. Weight is reversible, aging is not. To me, 53 is young, so I'm sure you are fine, plus not everyone ages the same. Men tend to age better than women. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2016 3:47:55 GMT -5
It's interesting to see some cautionary tales as well as some "hell yeah - it got me through - do it!" tales. I suppose everyone's mileage will vary. I have to say, I was firmly in the camp of NO WAY on the outsourcing, but lately, well, things are rough again and I totally get why people do it when they feel they are utterly stuck, as I feel right now. 'Never say never' and no judgment from me. I do think a heavy dose of knowing yourself and what you can live with once all is said and done is vital. And definitely knowing whether you can keep your emotions in check. I, for one, could not. Outsourcing would be unlikely to end well for me - I'm pretty sure of that. But it's fun to think about all the same! @elle, I've been expecting to hear this from you ;-). I was the SAME way. I'd go so far as to say that I couldn't even conceive of the idea. Adultery was like suicide or homosexuality to me -- it never even crossed my mind. In conversations with folk, I'd wonder why anyone would countenance such a thing. I figured it was something special for Bill Clinton, rock stars, and Hollywood folk, but not a regular guy like me. Then WHAMO, it happened. I was ilprepared to recognise it (although I did), and not arrogant enough to stop it (although I knew where it was going). All it took to consummate it was one of those knock down drag outs with the wife, and I said to myself, "I don't need this shit." The opening of Satori. The apple falling on your head. Eureka. The Philosopher's Stone. Shangri La. Finding Jesus. Often they all boil down to "I don't need this shit." |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2016 18:16:28 GMT -5
@creelunion, I have to circle back to this thread b/c I've been processing it all day. Last week, when I mentioned to my therapist that I've been checking out other men, considering my options, and flirting, she said that sometimes, "people just have to break it first to get out of it." 'It' meaning the bad marriage. I think her comment is especially relevant to this discussion (as well as relevant to a comment you made to me in an older thread on outsourcing, which I'm too lazy to dredge up on mobile).
Therapist went on to share a story of a female client (unhappily married but unable to pull the trigger) who had slept with her husband's drinking buddy one night, effectively ending the marriage. She hadn't intended to do it that way consciously, but it got the much-needed job done.
Now, Creel, before you go expecting episodes of The Days of Elle's Life, I am NOT saying I'll be sleeping with any of my husband's drinking buddies, that's kinda not me, but maybe the looking and flirting is the way I'm going to "break it" already??
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 14, 2016 19:03:59 GMT -5
@creelunion , I have to circle back to this thread b/c I've been processing it all day. Last week, when I mentioned to my therapist that I've been checking out other men, considering my options, and flirting, she said that sometimes, "people just have to break it first to get out of it." 'It' meaning the bad marriage. I think her comment is especially relevant to this discussion (as well as relevant to a comment you made to me in an older thread on outsourcing, which I'm too lazy to dredge up on mobile). Therapist went on to share a story of a female client (unhappily married but unable to pull the trigger) who had slept with her husband's drinking buddy one night, effectively ending the marriage. She hadn't intended to do it that way consciously, but it got the much-needed job done. Now, Creel, before you go expecting episodes of The Days of Elle's Life, I am NOT saying I'll be sleeping with any of my husband's drinking buddies, that's kinda not me, but maybe the looking and flirting is the way I'm going to "break it" already?? Sounds a lot like what I am doing. Detaching, or detachment. Basically living a single life with as little communication with my spouse as possible. Can I go out there and offer myself to someone? Yes and no, mostly no. Due to all of the strings attached. Many of those strings will be cut free with a divorce. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2016 21:19:41 GMT -5
@creelunion, I have to circle back to this thread b/c I've been processing it all day. Last week, when I mentioned to my therapist that I've been checking out other men, considering my options, and flirting, she said that sometimes, "people just have to break it first to get out of it." 'It' meaning the bad marriage. I think her comment is especially relevant to this discussion (as well as relevant to a comment you made to me in an older thread on outsourcing, which I'm too lazy to dredge up on mobile). Therapist went on to share a story of a female client (unhappily married but unable to pull the trigger) who had slept with her husband's drinking buddy one night, effectively ending the marriage. She hadn't intended to do it that way consciously, but it got the much-needed job done. Now, Creel, before you go expecting episodes of The Days of Elle's Life, I am NOT saying I'll be sleeping with any of my husband's drinking buddies, that's kinda not me, but maybe the looking and flirting is the way I'm going to "break it" already?? An attractive, fascinating man is going to flirt back. Probably sooner than later. You'll see. But I'd say the genie's about to step out of the bottle. |
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