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Post by Caris on Jul 11, 2016 11:15:15 GMT -5
Dan, you make a lot of sense. All problems aside that may arise from having an AP, I can only believe that with the "right" person, one's emotional strength is strengthened from feeling wanted and cared for. I'd be careful equating being callous or emotional distance with any form of strength. What are you talking about? I never said such things. I was speaking of having emotional strength that comes from feeling loved and wanted. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2016 11:23:31 GMT -5
I'd be careful equating being callous or emotional distance with any form of strength. What are you talking about? I never said such things. I was speaking of having emotional strength that comes from feeling loved and wanted. No, you didn't -- I inferred it. Affairs are not emotionally strengthening activities. I'd say they're more apt to get one used to something. I'm not sure that's strength. |
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Post by Caris on Jul 11, 2016 11:29:26 GMT -5
What are you talking about? I never said such things. I was speaking of having emotional strength that comes from feeling loved and wanted. No, you didn't -- I inferred it. Affairs are not emotionally strengthening activities. I'd say they're more apt to get one used to something. I'm not sure that's strength. You are not understanding my main point, Creel. The wires are crossed. I never said that affairs are emotionally strengthening. I was coming from a different angle. Never mind. Just know that you have misunderstood me. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 11, 2016 11:34:56 GMT -5
What are you talking about? I never said such things. I was speaking of having emotional strength that comes from feeling loved and wanted. No, you didn't -- I inferred it. Affairs are not emotionally strengthening activities. I'd say they're more apt to get one used to something. I'm not sure that's strength. I'd like to buy a vowel please? i"ll take a guess at this. I heard a speaker I like to listen to say, "men etch pictures in their brains that stay for life." I have an etch in my brain of a woman I was with for a one night stand. it"s quiet a confidence builder with hardly any regrets. the only thing about it is that it was a long time ago, and there were no strings attached for me. if the strings can be released, and its something in the present, can it be seen as a useful tool for a confidence, happiness builder for the future? Maybe? |
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Post by Caris on Jul 11, 2016 11:51:03 GMT -5
No, you didn't -- I inferred it. Affairs are not emotionally strengthening activities. I'd say they're more apt to get one used to something. I'm not sure that's strength. I'd like to buy a vowel please? i"ll take a guess at this. I heard a speaker I like to listen to say, "men etch pictures in their brains that stay for life." I have an etch in my brain of a woman I was with for a one night stand. it"s quiet a confidence builder with hardly any regrets. the only thing about it is that it was a long time ago, and there were no strings attached for me. if the strings can be released, and its something in the present, can it be seen as a useful tool for a confidence, happiness builder for the future? Maybe? I'm sorry. I must be having one of these "men are from Mars" moments because I'm not getting the association with what you are saying, great coastal, and what I have posted. Sorry. 🤔 |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 11, 2016 12:02:34 GMT -5
Don't be sorry, and thanks for asking. I am not the best communicator! the memmory of having an intimate sexual time with another. can be used in a positive way. my concern and perhaps yours is, "it was in the past, 27 yrs ago!"
What would something more recent do for me, or you?
I hope that's better? if not I will try again. And someone else could say it better!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2016 12:30:13 GMT -5
Caris An affair can definitely put a skip back in your step! It gets your mind off your current situation. It makes you feel wanted, desired & gives you something to look forward to. It can make you feel like a teenager again. Knowing that someone out there is thinking of you, needs you and wants you is an amazing feeling. You have to understand that there is a real risk of getting caught and the devastating effects it can have on your life and his. Especially if he is careless with his computer, receipts or cell phone. Every friend or co-worker that I know has been caught through a text, browser history or secret email account left open. Careless! I hate to read that you feel undesirable...don't let your husband play head games with you. You are a desirable woman! I am in my 40's and often feel that way as well. Some things I do to feel better about myself is to do my hair, make-up, wear nice clothes or play my favorite music to pick me up. It sounds silly but it works!!!
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Post by Caris on Jul 11, 2016 13:09:27 GMT -5
Don't be sorry, and thanks for asking. I am not the best communicator! the memmory of having an intimate sexual time with another. can be used in a positive way. my concern and perhaps yours is, "it was in the past, 27 yrs ago!" What would something more recent do for me, or you? I hope that's better? if not I will try again. And someone else could say it better! Coast, I think I understand now. You are saying a memory of a past romantic encounter, may give you emotional strength in the present SM situation to cope? I can see how that does help in certain ways. At least you know that you were wanted and desirable in a past life, and I thought about that myself. However, I was speaking of feeling wanted by someone while in the SM, not a memory, but whatever it takes to get us through each day. |
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Post by Caris on Jul 11, 2016 13:26:22 GMT -5
Caris An affair can definitely put a skip back in your step! It gets your mind off your current situation. It makes you feel wanted, desired & gives you something to look forward to. It can make you feel like a teenager again. Knowing that someone out there is thinking of you, needs you and wants you is an amazing feeling. You have to understand that there is a real risk of getting caught and the devastating effects it can have on your life and his. Especially if he is careless with his computer, receipts or cell phone. Every friend or co-worker that I know has been caught through a text, browser history or secret email account left open. Careless! I hate to read that you feel undesirable...don't let your husband play head games with you. You are a desirable woman! I am in my 40's and often feel that way as well. Some things I do to feel better about myself is to do my hair, make-up, wear nice clothes or play my favorite music to pick me up. It sounds silly but it works!!! Hi anniec, thanks for your response. I was leaving aside all the potential problems that could ensue from an affair, and focusing on the emotional strength it may...or may not bring. I guess it's different for everyone. I'm post SM for one-year. I was just curious. I'm over 60 now, so I have a few years on you in the aging process. As for feeling undesirable? I don't feel desirable or attractive even doing all the things you mentioned, and that's because I don't see my aging body as attractive. I don't see anyone's aging body as attractive. I can't get excited or feel sexy over wrinkles and sagging skin, so I try to just focus on my value as a person, and not as a woman. Hopefully, I will find some noble cause where I can feel useful, and make my existence mean something in this last part of my life. Btw, none of those things sound silly. At 40, you are still in your prime. I wish you peace, love, and happiness. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 11, 2016 14:07:28 GMT -5
That's an interesting subject you bring up there! I am soon to be 53 yrs. old. receeding hairline, I am an inch shorter ( in height) than I used to be, wrinkles under my eyes, greying hair. I actually do see 60 year old women as attratctive! what I would give to know that some of them see me that way? fortunately I still have my H.S. figure. that means I look skinny. Does that look attractive to a sixty year old woman? A woman who is bigger than I am. Do they find me attractive, or are they convinced that the only person who would get arroused by them is a man who is bigger than they are?
A women with a dynamic, friendly personality with a caring heart, is very sexy. way more than some skinny thing who is a skinny bean pole and has the personality of an empty bucket! That's why I married my wife! (She is not an empty bucket, now if only she would have done an equal amount of giving back things would be different) this may sound bad or trivial but here goes: a woman with fat legs, can have gorgeous breasts, and a pretty face. a woman with a heavy belly, can have pretty legs a stimulating breast and awesome hair, etc... I also told myself before marrying, " I am not perfect,physically by no means, who am I to think I deserve better? I'll never find anyone." I think we all settle to some degree.
Do you remember one of those NY cop shows from the 90's? It was Gordon Clapp from NYPD Blue. One of the detectives was getting divorced and was ready to have a lonely evening. He met a lady who was older than him. they made her out to look old and unatractive. she talked to him all about sexual pleasures. they ended up having a night together. guess who showed him the time of his life! guess who was plenty attractive naked with him?
As you can tell, I still remember it, and cling to it. for when the day comes, I'm not getting any younger!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2016 14:35:59 GMT -5
Caris Congrats on getting out of your SM. That takes a lot of strength, more than I have right now. Don't give up on finding love!!! I hope one day a great man comes along and proves you wrong.  Like greatcoastal said...it's not all about looks! What good are looks if there's nothing behind that perfect face and body?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2016 23:25:38 GMT -5
That's an interesting subject you bring up there! I am soon to be 53 yrs. old. receeding hairline, I am an inch shorter ( in height) than I used to be, wrinkles under my eyes, greying hair. I actually do see 60 year old women as attratctive! what I would give to know that some of them see me that way? fortunately I still have my H.S. figure. that means I look skinny. Does that look attractive to a sixty year old woman? A woman who is bigger than I am. Do they find me attractive, or are they convinced that the only person who would get arroused by them is a man who is bigger than they are? A women with a dynamic, friendly personality with a caring heart, is very sexy. way more than some skinny thing who is a skinny bean pole and has the personality of an empty bucket! That's why I married my wife! ( now if only she would have done an equal amount of giving back things would be different) this may sound bad or trivial but here goes: a woman with fat legs, can have gorgeous breasts, and a pretty face. a woman with a heavy belly, can have pretty legs a stimulating breast and awesome hair, etc... I also told myself before marrying, " I am not perfect,physically by no means, who am I to think I deserve better? I'll never find anyone." I think we all settle to some degree. Do you remember one of those NY cop shows from the 90's? It was Gordon Clapp from NYPD Blue. One of the detectives was getting divorced and was ready to have a lonely evening. He met a lady who was older than him. they made her out to look old and unatractive. she talked to him all about sexual pleasures. they ended up having a night together. guess who showed him the time of his life! guess who was plenty attractive naked with him? As you can tell, I still remember it, and cling to it. for when the day comes, I'm not getting any younger! This is a great post. I'm on a different side of this issue (female and *not* the weight I was in high school) so I feel somewhat qualified to answer. I feel certain some women find you sexy. And if they could read see your thoughts in this post they would find you even sexier. I have a similar thinking process when it comes to men. I find a wide variety of physical attributes in men attractive. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Jul 12, 2016 15:57:07 GMT -5
We all need something to look forward to. To live in a sexless marriage without hope of fulfillment is living death. Am I willing to risk everything to get what I need? I don't want to think about it. I want to live and living has risk. The looking forward, planning and fantasizing gives me a reason to live.
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 12, 2016 16:51:14 GMT -5
We all need something to look forward to. To live in a sexless marriage without hope of fulfillment is living death. Am I willing to risk everything to get what I need? I don't want to think about it. I want to live and living has risk. The looking forward, planning and fantasizing gives me a reason to live. Fortune favors the bold - I agree with your philosophy on life! |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2016 22:49:40 GMT -5
It's interesting to see some cautionary tales as well as some "hell yeah - it got me through - do it!" tales. I suppose everyone's mileage will vary. I have to say, I was firmly in the camp of NO WAY on the outsourcing, but lately, well, things are rough again and I totally get why people do it when they feel they are utterly stuck, as I feel right now. 'Never say never' and no judgment from me.
I do think a heavy dose of knowing yourself and what you can live with once all is said and done is vital. And definitely knowing whether you can keep your emotions in check. I, for one, could not. Outsourcing would be unlikely to end well for me - I'm pretty sure of that. But it's fun to think about all the same!
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