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Post by pfviento on Jul 9, 2016 18:59:39 GMT -5
The fact that he has an issue with you sleeping after surgery speaks volumes. It was a dick move met with the middle finger of my good hand. That was pretty much my reaction. My spouse sleeps alot but after any surgeries or long days that is to be expected and encouraged. The emasculation complaint seems to be a self inflicted wound. Hope the direct approach you are planning works out. |
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Post by wewbwb on Jul 9, 2016 21:45:21 GMT -5
I can't even wrap my head around the "clinical touch", you'd need the shock collar to make me stop... And that isn't even a guarantee.... And how is you in bed all day bad? It just shouldn't be alone....  |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2016 22:40:43 GMT -5
It is mind boggling for those of us who have touch as a main love language to witness someone totally reject such opportunities! It becomes a real life changer! A decision on your part to live with out it, or live with it with someone else! Perhaps sometime you would like to expound on his statement, " he feels useless and emasculated". I think it is safe to say that many of us men feel that way, LIASM. But your the one wanting the intimacy /sex! I get the impression that his statement is a white wash approach to avoid any responsibility, and to continue to shift blame. A manipulative control issue. He is probably very good at subtly changing the subject, answering with questions, delaying, answers, and bringing up irrelevant topics. A typical controller. It's funny how you bring up him being a controller. Long ago, he accused me of being a control freak. I am, to an extent. I control our finances, how we run our household, etc. Our first therapist brought that up. He feels useless because I am self-sufficient. He feels emasculated, for instance, when I tell him there isn't room in the budget for new golf clubs or hockey skates or whatever his hobby-du-jour is. The last thing I want to do is deny him activities he loves, but A. he's denying me and B. I don't want to go into massive debt because of his wants. There has to be some give and take. Things like this really piss me off. He feels emasculated because you're competent? I hate this. HATE it. It reminds me of when a well-meaning friend suggested to me that maybe the name "SmartKat" would put off men who would be afraid of the "Smart" part. Fuck that up the ass with a splintery flagpole. I can't dumb down because some men might feel threatened. I want to meet a man who would appreciate me when I'm smart. I want to be my real self - and that includes sometimes making observations that cut through the bullshit of life and get right to the point. I've gotten good at being tactful and diplomatic. That is not the same thing as totally hiding what I'm capable of. I dream of a man who would actually LIKE it when I say something smart.... |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2016 22:51:19 GMT -5
Glad to hear you're recovering @andie
Whenever I hear a man use "emasculate" when talking about how a woman makes him feel, I want to reach into my purse for a set of marbles, hand him a couple and say, sweetly "you mean THESE? They've been in my purse, along with your personality." It's such a damn cop-out line.
It's a bunch of BS. "Stop whining, pull up your pants and use your words." Nothing is more irrigating than a man who blames his shortcomings on women. STFU and get me some pie!!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2016 22:52:18 GMT -5
@smartkat I cannot hit that like button enough. How does that line go? Don't water yourself down because someone can't handle you at 100 proof?
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 9, 2016 23:29:06 GMT -5
Whoo!! Go @smartkat!
There's a big f'ing difference between responsible / mature / adult decisioning and being 'controlling'. 'Mr. Emasculated' might ask himself why his wife has to be the one to make the tough call.
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Post by wewbwb on Jul 10, 2016 3:33:44 GMT -5
While there is nothing wrong with helping a "damsel in distress", I can't understand how some people ( men and women) feel threatened by someone else's abilities. @andie, @smartkat , z, just remember, you don't MAKE them feel emasculated. Their own issues do. While they can say, "I am feeling emasculated." If they don't do anything to change themselves, why are you? Changing yourself so they feel better. So as i see it, they are insecure and lazy. BICBW Are they really saying, "be dumber so i can feel smarter and better about myself?" Do they need to be the smartest person in the room? I'm not the smartest person in the room when I'm alone... |
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Post by petrushka on Jul 10, 2016 4:08:49 GMT -5
I'm so glad you are out of the cast. I understand your frustration with your husband. I really think every reason they give for not wanting to be intimate with us is just a lie and excuse. A lie is just another form of avoidant behavior. I'm glad you are feeling a little better. Everyday will improve! Hugs Thanks, bball! Last night I watched Marriage Boot Camp. This show is full of drama, but one thing the couples had to do was wear shock collars. Their spouses had the remotes for them and any time one spouse said something that upset the other, they'd get shocked. I need that. Every time he spews a lie, zzzzzz. OMG - I saw that in a Simpsons episode on youtube a little while ago. <laughs> the results were predictable: the 'family therapist' ended up having a meltdown and, I think, the town was experiencing blackouts. You have pretty hands, b.t.w. ;-) |
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Post by petrushka on Jul 10, 2016 4:21:17 GMT -5
I hate this. HATE it. It reminds me of when a well-meaning friend suggested to me that maybe the name "SmartKat" would put off men who would be afraid of the "Smart" part. Fuck that up the ass with a splintery flagpole. I can't dumb down because some men might feel threatened. I want to meet a man who would appreciate me when I'm smart. I want to be my real self - and that includes sometimes making observations that cut through the bullshit of life and get right to the point. I've gotten good at being tactful and diplomatic. That is not the same thing as totally hiding what I'm capable of. I dream of a man who would actually LIKE it when I say something smart.... I second the splintery flagpole. Why would you, why should you 'dumb down'. Any idiot who needs you to do that to be able to hold his head up straight is not worth hooking up with, at least in my opinion. But then, to me a big brain, well used, is infinitely more sexy than a pair of big knockers. Ok, I admit it: I don't care for big knockers in the first place, but still ... I mean, I can see how if someone really really can't get close to keeping up, intellectually, they get frustrated. But clearly, those aren't relationship material for a [wo]man who values her intellectual prowess. That's just life. Vice versa: I could not handle living with some bimbo never mind how pretty she is. I had to turn down some offers in the past because I thought it would never work , I'd lose respect or end up leading a child around. One needs a compatible partner, that's all. I think there's only one cure: if Mr. is feeling emasculated, then he's not really much use around the house in any capacity. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 10, 2016 6:54:33 GMT -5
What a golden opportunity your H passed up. Had it been me I would have encouraged you to have a soak in the tub with me(and my trusty sponge)there to make sure you were thoroughly bathed. It might have taken some time to make a proper job of it as sometimes those lady parts need a lot of attention to detail to ensure they are properly addressed.
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Post by Dan on Jul 11, 2016 6:16:05 GMT -5
@andie :
News of your surgery was picked up by the local paper. Recent headline:
"Woman in Sexless Marriage Requires Hand Surgery Due to Repetitive Stress Injuries; She Claims It Is Just A Coincidence"
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2016 6:54:41 GMT -5
@andie : News of your surgery was picked up by the local paper. Recent headline: "Woman in Sexless Marriage Requires Hand Surgery Due to Repetitive Stress Injuries; She Claims It Is Just A Coincidence"A. I need your source. And B. My left hand was operated on. Per the post in my previous thread, I am a righty. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2016 11:49:56 GMT -5
Our stories are very similar! I also had surgery on my left hand earlier this year. My husband, Numbnuts2, treated me in the same cold way that your husband is after the surgery. He even had his friend over the next day! It makes you realize how much they don't care. Starting to think our husbands are related!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2016 11:55:31 GMT -5
Our stories are very similar! I also had surgery on my left hand earlier this year. My husband, Numbnuts2, treated me in the same cold way that your husband is after the surgery. He even had his friend over the next day! It makes you realize how much they don't care. Starting to think our husbands are related! I forbid you women from using the same term of endearment for your husbands. It'll get confusing, and could result in husband swapping. Would it be OK if we refer to your husband as ButtPepsi? |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2016 12:35:35 GMT -5
Our stories are very similar! I also had surgery on my left hand earlier this year. My husband, Numbnuts2, treated me in the same cold way that your husband is after the surgery. He even had his friend over the next day! It makes you realize how much they don't care. Starting to think our husbands are related! I forbid you women from using the same term of endearment for your husbands. It'll get confusing, and could result in husband swapping. Would it be OK if we refer to your husband as ButtPepsi? What the heck is a ButtPepsi??? Pick another term asap!!! That one makes me lol too much! I can't have him see me laughing & smiling...he wil wonder why I am so happy all of a sudden. |
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