dealing with SM depression

GC-
LIASM has taken a toll on me emotionally no doubt.  There are many ways, however, that I cope with the sadness I experience.  

I am on Lexapro for anxiety.  This has also helped with depression.  I have an excellent physician who I can reach out to if I feel my emotional state is worsening, in addition to our regular appointments.

I am in individual therapy.  Since struggling with anxiety in my teens, I am very self-aware of when I need to get help.  I've been in and out of therapy for years.  Currently, my therapy is centered around my marriage and how to gain the courage to take the steps I need to for my future.

I started exercising and watching what I eat.  The work-outs have helped immensely with relieving stress.  I am proud of my weight loss and feel (and look) much better physically.  

I go to acupuncture for a variety of reasons, but mostly for stress and anxiety.  I have noticed amazing changes!!  

I have become level-1 certified in reiki practice.  I am able to reiki my friends and family.  I practice on them and on myself.  I attend reiki sessions, and just had a session on Wednesday.  This is all a part of nurturing my mind, body, and spirit.

I read self-help books.  I especially love Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer.  I practice positive affirmations.  

I have made some wonderful friends here who are willing to listen to me and offer their support.  While I do talk about my issues to some close friends and family, it's not the same as spilling your emotions to someone who knows EXACTLY what you are going through.  

I have become more open sexually.  I no longer feel guilty for self-pleasure.  I now truly recognize that I am a sexual woman and despite what my husband's issues are, I have to take care of myself.  It has empowered me more than I could have imagined.

I stay active with my three children.  

I try to be present in mind, rather than thinking too much about the future and the past.  This is EXTREMELY difficult.  

As far as being ready for sex, relationship, or outsourcing until after a divorce, GC..I am ready.  It's a matter of the right man coming along.  I have no guilt for feeling this way.  I am not in search of an AP, but have set my intentions to the universe for one who I would be ready to receive.  Life is too short.  Should I divorce first before doing this? Yes, I probably should.  I made a promise to myself that I would not go down the path of outsourcing again after my last (very short-lived) experience.  As time moves on, however, I know I cannot keep that promise.  We are all in different situations.  What works for one will not work for all.  I guess all I can say is go with your gut.  

((hugs))

ggold : WHAT A FABULOUS LIST!!! Thank you for sharing the whole thing -- as personal as it is -- with the forum.

Aww.thank you Dan.  (hugs)  I'm trying.  Each day.  

I really love everybody's list so far.

I'm going to add one detail, and one item that was overlooked so far.

1) As stated, get out of the house, and learn to start enjoying YOUR interests. Don't feel you have any? DIG DEEP... I bet you have plenty, but your years of SM self-deprecation has left you never exploring them because your refuser-spouse didn't want to have sex with you OR do those fun things, too. My favorite side for "get off your butt, away from your screen, and go DO something with actual outgoing people" is meetup.com. It's not a dating site: it is for folks who want to get off their butts, get away from their screens, and go DO something with actual outgoing people.

2) Here one more thing to consider: serve.  Do some volunteer work.  Commit to making your neighborhood a better place.  Offer time in a soup kitchen or working for Habitat for Humanity.  Or: simply reframe service you are already doing, and see how it makes the fabric of your community stronger.  Are you a Cub Scout, Boy Scout, or Girl Scout leader?  You are teaching your kid and the others involved community values, leadership, and life skills.  You coach a community sport team?  Great.  That hopefully spreads a love of teamwork and exercise... or at least gets the kids moving.  And so on.

Being depressed is feeling disconnected from your family and life around you.  So -- do something that makes the world a better place -- by connecting your heart to those that you are serving.  All hearts involved will be better off for it.

Dan,
You are so right!  These are great suggestions.  Volunteering especially brings me happiness.  :-)

Well, while I was still with my ex, I probably didn't do enough to help myself. What energized me and sustained me then was ILIASM on EP.

After I moved out of my ex's place, and lived by myself, I had a lot more empty time on my hands, and it was up to me to fill it. I am not a natural party girl; I tend to be receptive and let other pool take the lead. But I do have things I love - one of which is books and stories. So I joined a book group through Meetup, and started taking creative writing classes through a local organization, and started writing fiction again - after many years of not doing that.

And after Ex and I split up, I joined some more Meetup groups to go see bands and movies and stuff.

I also adopted a pet cat. Pets can be fantastic depression-busters. And the fictional worlds I was reading and writing about were at least an escape, and the groups filled in some time and got me out with other people. I know if I'm by myself too much, I do get depressed.

Thanks ggold!! Training for 13 mile races does help....

My bod has had limited exposure and no real feedback so I have little to go by...

You certainly found a way to put a smile on my face....